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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want fiance to get rid of his cats

759 replies

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

OP posts:
Itsjustgonenoonhalfpastmonsoon · 02/05/2025 18:45

Well if you say you “only have a 3 bed terrace”, a couple of small cats are going to take up less space than a hulking great dog. Rottweilers are hardly dinky.

JustMeHello · 02/05/2025 18:48

I've got my cat because he belonged to a colleague who was moving in with her boyfriend who had a bit of a cat allergy - not serious, antihistamines worked but he didn't want to take them. She said she was devastated to give him up, but she never asked about him after the first few weeks of him living with me. He's my darling and he adores me, and has been here for 13 years now, and I'm thrilled she gave him up because I can't imagine being without him (which will happen soon as he's a bit creaky, and is 19) but I can't imagine choosing to do that personally. But imo, my cat is better off with me than he was with her, if she cared so little that she could just give him up. Maybe your fiance's cats will be better off away from him if it's something he's willing to entertain.

Swiftie1878 · 02/05/2025 18:48

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 17:45

Yes, he knew all this when he got them. I raised the question to him at the time to be told "it'll be a while off until we move in anyway", and it has been around 2 years since then, but he knew that this day would come eventually.

I couldn't exactly stop him at the time, dating for one year, from getting his own pets.

Show quote history

I’m guessing he never dreamt you’d make him get rid of them.

notsureyetcertain · 02/05/2025 19:26

It’s not reasonable for anyone to rehome pets. I’d say you could try the pets together and see how it goes for visits but if they are incompatible then you need to live separately.

badwithnumbers · 02/05/2025 19:48

I wouldn't rehome my cats, if I was him. You sound a bit entitled.

Luv2luv9 · 02/05/2025 20:11

I can't accept adults with allergies taking precendies over an animal & moving them in to their home while allergies especially their child exist.Each to their own

Pumpkin05 · 02/05/2025 20:16

CraftyNavySeal · 02/05/2025 09:59

Tbf, cat allergies can be weird. There was a point when I was allergic to cats, I couldn’t be in the same room as them. Now I have looked after friends cats, fostered them and now I have my own.

I suspect that it’s because some people don’t vacuum enough, there’s hair and dust floating around. You could try looking after them in your own house for a week and seeing what happens.

Same thing happened with us, my husband was “allergic to cats” we ended up having to move in with my parents who owned a cat, but he was fine after a couple of weeks

Grammarnut · 02/05/2025 20:35

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 02/05/2025 12:03

Football is a game, and rugby, and tennis, you don't call sports players childish. Just because you don't like something you can't just deem it 'childish'. Why should adults have to give up what they find fun? I don't find it fun personally but I wouldn't demean others for it.

OP I think the cats need to become outside cats! Unless you're on a main road or they're rag dolls or something they'll be a lot happier.

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I know. But spending your evenings playing Minecraft or whatever seems an utter waste of time. Find something more interesting to do? Read War and Peace or Tolkein, go and watch a film? And also gaming appears addictive in ways that playing football (or watching it) don't seem to be. To be discouraged?

Bestfadeplans · 02/05/2025 20:59

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:48

No, its a 6 year old Rottweiler nearing the last few years of its life. I wouldnt rehome her.

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Erm 6 isn't even middle age.

And his two cats have already been rehomed once. Why does your dog trump his 2?

Bestfadeplans · 02/05/2025 21:00

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:55

Average rottweiler life span is 8-10 years

Show quote history

Thats not true anymore. These days they live to 12-14

gamerchick · 02/05/2025 21:01

Always makes me laugh when people suggest 'watch a film' instead of gaming'. Like sitting staring at a screen is more superior to... Sitting staring at a screen and controlling what happens on it.

Crazyworldmum · 02/05/2025 21:26

So you think 2 cats are a issue but not a giant dog ? Righttttttt

NaeRolls · 02/05/2025 21:42

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 15:43

You are aware that these breeds can also be aggressive without proper training and socialization as well, right?

Its not really a breed specific trait?

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True, but the problem is that if a power breed attacks, the damage is much more severe and much more likely to maim or kill than if other dog breeds attack.

Original poster
ellie09 · 02/05/2025 21:43

Bestfadeplans · 02/05/2025 20:59

Erm 6 isn't even middle age.

And his two cats have already been rehomed once. Why does your dog trump his 2?

Show quote history

His cats havent been rehomed. He got them as kittens. Its my dog who has had two homes before mine - previous owners and foster carers. Through no fault of hers may I add.

OP posts:
GiddyCrab · 02/05/2025 21:46

I wouldn't move in together. You don't sound compatible, especially as you have an allergy to the cats.
Just keep your own places.

Tollington · 02/05/2025 22:03

If I was him I’d stay where he is. You sound very selfish and entitled

Scarlettpixie · 02/05/2025 22:03

Personally I would hold off moving in together until you don’t have the dog or can afford a bigger house in an area where the cats can go outside.

if you do go ahead, I think you should allow the cats the run of the house except your bedroom and keep the dog downstairs. The move and busier house/child/dog may be stressful for them and they will need some space away from the dog. You have to be able to separate them and can’t confine either the cats or the dog to one room! It will need careful introductions.

But no, you can’t expect him to rehome them (and I would think less of a partner who thinks animals are disposable).

Plmnki · 02/05/2025 22:07

Strongly recommending the fiancé runs for the hills. At least he’s not yet moved in so he and his cats can continue to live in peace.

Cantstoptheshitshow · 02/05/2025 22:23

BruceAndNosh · 02/05/2025 10:09

You work from home but plan to turn your office into a gaming room for him??

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Gaming room?! No thanks. Can you put off the move in together for a while longer? You both love your pets, you have your child, he wants a gaming room. He wants a gaming room….

Dutchhouse14 · 02/05/2025 23:13

My immediate reaction is that you are being very unreasonable.
However because

  1. He got the cats when you were discussing about moving in together
  2. You are allergic to them
  3. It doesn't sound like it will be a good environment for the cats.
Perhaps you aren't being as unreasonable as it first sounded. But bottom line is you've said you would not rehome your dog and your partner may well feel the same way about his cats. Sounds like it will be a difficult transition moving in together with autistic child, pets and small house. Lots of compromise and understanding will be required.
StMarie4me · 02/05/2025 23:15

He needs to leave you.

Mydogmylife · 02/05/2025 23:19

ThymeScent · 02/05/2025 10:10

Maybe just live separately till the dog dies since it only has two years left? Maybe agree that you put it down anyway aged 8. In the interim get his cats used to being outdoor cats.

You must be having a laugh! Agree to put a dog down at a specific time in the future because it suits you - absolute madness

TheCoralMoose · 02/05/2025 23:24

You are the unresonable one.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 02/05/2025 23:30

Grammarnut · 02/05/2025 20:35

I know. But spending your evenings playing Minecraft or whatever seems an utter waste of time. Find something more interesting to do? Read War and Peace or Tolkein, go and watch a film? And also gaming appears addictive in ways that playing football (or watching it) don't seem to be. To be discouraged?

Show quote history

If it's causing harm then to be discouraged, although adults have the right to cause themselves harm if they so choose, as long as they aren't harming others. It seems a little like snobbery to be classing types of media as superior/inferior though? What is the point of media consumption - education and entertainment. Video games certainly provide entertainment, though it may not be to your taste. Education clearly not, but not everything needs to be educational!

Bestfadeplans · 03/05/2025 00:27

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 21:43

His cats havent been rehomed. He got them as kittens. Its my dog who has had two homes before mine - previous owners and foster carers. Through no fault of hers may I add.

Show quote history

You literally said: About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens

Are you now saying that's not true and that he bred them?

And you want his cats to now be in the position your dog was in? And for him to "get rid" of them?