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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want fiance to get rid of his cats

759 replies

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

OP posts:
Original poster
ellie09 · 02/05/2025 15:43

Freeasa · 02/05/2025 15:40

Why does anyone buy a Rottweiler. Get a spaniel or a Labrador or a cockapoo instead fgs.

Show quote history

You are aware that these breeds can also be aggressive without proper training and socialization as well, right?

Its not really a breed specific trait?

OP posts:
OneMintWasp · 02/05/2025 15:53

I have allergies to cats and have one as a pet, I always had them. I find after a couple of weeks of constantly being in the same house as one the allergy dies down.
That said if someone told me to get rid of my pets so they could keep theirs I wouldn't be moving in with them!

Janicchoplin · 02/05/2025 15:54

Hi. I'm asthmatic and allergic to cats. Anti histamine works well for me. You have to take them daily. As I have many other allergies as well. I.e hayfever. Rhinitus. I don't suffer my usual need to constantly puff on my pump.
Not saying this will work for you. Only that it works for me. I used to get a tight chest. Swollen eyes lips nose etc but now nothing. Can't stress the importance of daily usage though.

Wahsingday · 02/05/2025 15:56

For me it’s very telling that you aren’t really prepared to try properly to make this work. If you were to have been keen to have them
move in, work hard to make it happen and it didn’t work out I’d have some sympathy. As it is you seem to be willing this to fail.

Clarefromwork · 02/05/2025 15:58

Could you let the cats outside and get one of those things you put on top of the fence to stop them leaving the garden ? Although would have to have somewhere they could jump onto in the garden incase they are chased by a dog or a kid (obviously let them in your house too)

mumda · 02/05/2025 16:00

Janicchoplin · 02/05/2025 15:54

Hi. I'm asthmatic and allergic to cats. Anti histamine works well for me. You have to take them daily. As I have many other allergies as well. I.e hayfever. Rhinitus. I don't suffer my usual need to constantly puff on my pump.
Not saying this will work for you. Only that it works for me. I used to get a tight chest. Swollen eyes lips nose etc but now nothing. Can't stress the importance of daily usage though.

You can. But my husband is much healthier now we no longer have cats.

He gets itchy as anything if I come back from dog visiting though.

Thisisittheapocalypse · 02/05/2025 16:01

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

Then rehome your dog. Problem solved.

Oh wait. You weren't serious? Your dog is 'family' and his cats aren't?

I hope he dumps you.

DirtyBird · 02/05/2025 16:02

You are being unreasonable. I wouldn't give up my dogs for someone's cats and I wouldn't expect anyone to give up their animals for me. They are family and not items to be discarded when they don't fit the current narrative (unless they are dangerous)

Janicchoplin · 02/05/2025 16:03

mumda · 02/05/2025 16:00

You can. But my husband is much healthier now we no longer have cats.

He gets itchy as anything if I come back from dog visiting though.

Show quote history

Oh I agree. I have a dog and it's fine. Depends on what your allergic to I suppose.

Navyontop · 02/05/2025 16:05

If my partner asked me to rehome my cat, I would end the relationship.
Your allergies will disappear overtime, my sister is allergic to my cat but not her own 2 cats. This is very common.
Get a stair gate for one room, so the dog can’t get in and the cats have a safe space.
You sound incredibly selfish.

Favouritefruits · 02/05/2025 16:06

Keep the cats! Dump you. Sorted!

Imbusytodaysorry · 02/05/2025 16:19

@ellie09 the cats sound be int he gaming too. As their space to start of . Keep them there for 6 weeks. Then open the door and let them roam around the house ( keep bedroom doors closed ) the cats will then decide how comfortable they feel wandering and at least they have their safe space to go back too. Once they have settled in their so not reason they can’t be outdoor Cats and yes you may find the dog steps out the way for the cats .
Get yourself some fexofenadine .
wash blankets regular

cherish123 · 02/05/2025 16:20

If he won't rehome the cats, you can't really live together.

MrsJoanDanvers · 02/05/2025 16:31

I think you are lucky your bf isn’t telling you he’s over it. Personally, I think he’s mad to entertain moving into a terrace with a boisterous dog and child-with or without his pets. But telling him he has to rehome them is pretty mean-and moving them in is pretty mean. What does your dc think of all this?

Cherrypies · 02/05/2025 16:39

ThymeScent · 02/05/2025 10:10

Maybe just live separately till the dog dies since it only has two years left? Maybe agree that you put it down anyway aged 8. In the interim get his cats used to being outdoor cats.

Seriously, that's just awful, the dog may be an exception to the rule, it might go to 11/12, not unheard of.
Some people are just unbelievable Angry

Aizen · 02/05/2025 16:42

You marry your Rottweiler
Fiance marries his cats.

And they all lived happily ever after.

TwoFeralKids · 02/05/2025 16:43

I would put my cats before you first.

BruFord · 02/05/2025 16:52

Navyontop · 02/05/2025 16:05

If my partner asked me to rehome my cat, I would end the relationship.
Your allergies will disappear overtime, my sister is allergic to my cat but not her own 2 cats. This is very common.
Get a stair gate for one room, so the dog can’t get in and the cats have a safe space.
You sound incredibly selfish.

@Navyontop That’s interesting, does this happen to pretty much everyone?

I’ve always assumed that allergies don’t just subside like that in adults. I know that some children can grow out of allergies.

Keepsmiling2948 · 02/05/2025 16:53

I wouldn’t move in with you if I was your partner. Lots of references to ‘yours’ and ‘your families home’ etc. gives the impression he’s never going to be allowed to forget that and will forever live as a guest on eggshells at your mercy. No chance.

RandomWordsThrownTogether · 02/05/2025 17:00

It’s a difficult one - I can’t see how you could live with indoor cats and allergies - unless they were to be outside during the day but even then it depends on how severe your allergies are. I wouldnt give up a pet to live with a partner but equally don’t see how you can live with them. Cats can live 20 years!

justkeepswimingswiming · 02/05/2025 17:03

I’d expect your fiance to dump you tbh. they’re animals, not a piece of trash you get rid of.

Luv2luv9 · 02/05/2025 17:04

We are all different. The idea of living with 2 cats and a rottweiler fills me with dread especially as there is a child involved. This won't be a popular response for domestic animal lovers but it's my response especially given I'm allergic to dogs. I wish you well OP but knowing what this tyoe of allergy induces I wouldn't tolerate it for a day.

CharlotteLightandDark · 02/05/2025 17:06

Clarefromwork · 02/05/2025 15:58

Could you let the cats outside and get one of those things you put on top of the fence to stop them leaving the garden ? Although would have to have somewhere they could jump onto in the garden incase they are chased by a dog or a kid (obviously let them in your house too)

Was also thinking it would be best to allow the cats outside. Is there any special reason they’re indoor only eg FIV?

caringcarer · 02/05/2025 17:11

If anyone told me to re-home my kitties they would be the one to go not the cats. How would you feel if he suggested you re-home your dog? When to take on pets it is for their lifetime. Get a really high cat tree they can climb up away from your dog.

Ddakji · 02/05/2025 17:12

caringcarer · 02/05/2025 17:11

If anyone told me to re-home my kitties they would be the one to go not the cats. How would you feel if he suggested you re-home your dog? When to take on pets it is for their lifetime. Get a really high cat tree they can climb up away from your dog.

Good thing it was his suggestion then.