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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want fiance to get rid of his cats

759 replies

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

OP posts:
Callie247 · 02/05/2025 12:33

MidnightPatrol · 02/05/2025 11:46

You are mad to rehome a Rottweiler into a small house with a child tbh.

Breed prejudice at its finest.

YourLoyalPlumOP · 02/05/2025 12:35

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 12:25

Larger breed with lower life expectency. Unlikely to live to 15+

Show quote history

My Great Dane lived to 14….

Mrsbloggz · 02/05/2025 12:35

Just let it ride, your dog will eat the cats, problem solved🤷🏻‍♀️
(Obviously the dog might then start on the humans)

YourLoyalPlumOP · 02/05/2025 12:35

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 12:25

Larger breed with lower life expectency. Unlikely to live to 15+

Show quote history

So even let’s say it lives tilll 10. That’s only really just a little over half way…using your own statistics.

CorbyTrouserPress · 02/05/2025 12:36

The allergy is irrelevant. Go to the GP and get an antihistamine that works. My DH is allergic to cats. We have two. He takes fexofenidine daily and hasn’t had any issues. It’s one tablet a day, not really much of a chore or hardship to justify getting ‘rid’ of two much loved pets.

Original poster
ellie09 · 02/05/2025 12:36

BigHeadBertha · 02/05/2025 12:27

I think it's on him, to be honest. I also think, while responsible pet ownership is important, people come before animals. We don't always know how our lives will go. I'd at least try to responsibly re-home pets before I'd delay progress in a serious relationship.

That said, it's a shame he took in two cats after the two of you had already been together for a year. By then, it seems he'd have had an idea of where this would likely be heading and that the cats wouldn't merge well with the situation you already had- (allergies, a large dog, and free rent in a small place). Therefore, I'd say that if there was irresponsibility here, it was his, so he should handle it.

I also agree that moving the cats into your current home doesn't seem like a good idea. You're allergic to them and space is limited. Also, I've heard of more than one incident where a large dog actually killed a cat. I don't know how long it would take for your dog to recognize the cats as "family" but before that, the cats could be at risk, if they weren't able to be kept securely away from the dog. (Also, this is assuming that the owner of the free rental home has given permission for another person to live there, let alone two more pets).

If he can find a good home for the cats, that might be the best way to proceed here. If he personally knows someone who could possibly take them, it might help if he sweetens the deal by offering them some money to help with the costs. Perhaps a set amount per month, for the first year.

Or consider a third option. I don't quite get moving in together to save for a wedding anyway. It seems like "putting the cart before the horse," especially when there's a child involved. Living together isn't nearly the commitment marriage is. Men will more easily move in than marry. So, especially if your child is younger than mid-teens, it's a less stable situation for them than marriage would be.

Anyway, since this move is "to save up for the wedding," it sounds like it might be temporary, anyway. If the two of you plan to get a place of your own after you're married, why not just get married first. You could opt for a small, inexpensive wedding and use the money saved for a larger place that accommodates both of your current lives better, where there's a sufficient area that the cats could be contained in. We all value different things but I just see big, expensive weddings as more for first timers, without kids. Otherwise, it seems (to me) not very practical to blow that much on an elaborate party, when you have more grown-up lives, with more important needs. Just my thoughts, for what they're worth. Best wishes.

Edited

Thanks for your well written post!

Yes, it was an irresponsible move on DP's part. He often buys things without really "thinking" until recently when we had started saving jointly and I had a harsh sit down with him and gave him a reality check. E.g. he bought a huge drumkit that didnt get used then resold after a few months, and bought a large TV for "us" when he eventually move in but he forgot to measure it (it wont fit in my house)

When he first got the cats, it was because he felt lonely living alone and was more for his mental health etc. He has a bit of tunnel vision and I dont think he looked at the wider picture. He has Aspergers so it may come into play a bit (hence he has a gaming room / PCs also which is his coping mechanisms and I have accomodated this space for him in my home for when he moves in).

We all get on with each others animals. Despite my allergies, I love cuddling up on the sofa with the cats while at his house, and my dog adores my DP as well (I dont get a look in if he stays at mine!) His cats are so gentle natured and well mannered that I worry my house will be too much for them!

Allergies aren't an issue apart from the fact I cant have them on my bed etc. This makes them going upstairs rather difficult.

We are going through some ideas such as converting under the stairs into a little hidey hole for them and installing baby gates etc to the stairs to prevent dog going up, so we will likely give it a try and see how it goes.

OP posts:
LizaRadleywasonthespectrum · 02/05/2025 12:36

If his cats have to go so does your dog.

Isthisasgoodasitis · 02/05/2025 12:37

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:48

No, its a 6 year old Rottweiler nearing the last few years of its life. I wouldnt rehome her.

Show quote history

Then managing until she passes shouldn’t be an issue for you

Original poster
ellie09 · 02/05/2025 12:38

LizaRadleywasonthespectrum · 02/05/2025 12:36

If his cats have to go so does your dog.

Even though my dog was here first and DP got his cats knowing we may move in in the future without thinking this out clearly on how it would work?

OP posts:
Cynicalaboutall · 02/05/2025 12:38

I’m struggling to understand why this Rottweiler is at death’s door? It’s only 6yo.

Original poster
ellie09 · 02/05/2025 12:39

Cynicalaboutall · 02/05/2025 12:38

I’m struggling to understand why this Rottweiler is at death’s door? It’s only 6yo.

I didnt say it was. I said she has a few more years in her left, if I was to go by their life expectancy. It could be far more.

OP posts:
ginasevern · 02/05/2025 12:41

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 12:26

Even though fiance was the one to bring it up as an option to begin with?

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Then why the fuck did he adopt two kittens if he already knew you had a small house, and a rottweiler. He sounds feckless and shallow. Animals are not commodities to pick up and drop just when you feel like it.

Callie247 · 02/05/2025 12:41

MidnightPatrol · 02/05/2025 11:53

Large dog known to have aggressive traits, living in small space with child, rehoming usually means there have been some issues in the dogs background. Children and dogs both pretty unpredictable at the best of times.

In any case, I think YABU to ask your fiance to get rid of his pets while keeping yours. You wouldn’t like having to give yours up I’m sure.

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With respect you're talking absolute rubbish. Known to have aggressive traits by whom? A few tabloids you've read? Hardly scientific evidence. Aggressive traits is not and never has been a part of the breed standard for Rottweilers. A breed that has been subject to a few negative tabloid headlines does not make an entire breed 'known to have aggressive traits ' but I doubt you're interested in educating yourself anyway.

Original poster
ellie09 · 02/05/2025 12:42

ginasevern · 02/05/2025 12:41

Then why the fuck did he adopt two kittens if he already knew you had a small house, and a rottweiler. He sounds feckless and shallow. Animals are not commodities to pick up and drop just when you feel like it.

Edited
Show quote history

Not sure, its not a question I can really answer. He had talked about getting cats then by the end of the week, he had them.

Apparently for companionship as he lived alone.

But he had never owned a cat before then.

OP posts:
Muffinmam · 02/05/2025 12:44

Potbear · 02/05/2025 10:07

If you were that much of an animal lover you wouldn't have bought a cat.

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Why wouldn’t I have bought a cat if I was an animal lover?

I had always had dogs but when I still lived with my family had taken in stray cats - including kittens and never had an allergic reaction. My ex partner had a cat that lived with us and I never had a reaction.

I developed an allergy in my mid 30’s and I dealt with it.

Pixilicious1 · 02/05/2025 12:46

As a cat owner was all ready to say YABU but I voted YANBU becuase, if he wants to live with you then he hasn't got a lot of choice but to re-home them. Having said that, I wouldn't rehome my cat so I think you two living together is a non-starter as you are allergic to cats

Neemie · 02/05/2025 12:48

He moves the cats in. The ‘playful Rottweiler’ eats them. Problem solved.

Callie247 · 02/05/2025 12:48

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:55

Average rottweiler life span is 8-10 years

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It really isn't. I've had them almost 30 years and a very large amount go way past 10 years old. I met a 12 year old only this week, my old boy was 13 and his cousin reached 16. I've known many others to reach 13. Honestly, don't assume that because Google says something that it's a real average, because it's not.

Ddakji · 02/05/2025 12:49

Following your update @ellie09, I think you need to work on these becoming outdoor cats, which is what they should be unless there’s a very good reason.

MidnightPatrol · 02/05/2025 12:49

Callie247 · 02/05/2025 12:41

With respect you're talking absolute rubbish. Known to have aggressive traits by whom? A few tabloids you've read? Hardly scientific evidence. Aggressive traits is not and never has been a part of the breed standard for Rottweilers. A breed that has been subject to a few negative tabloid headlines does not make an entire breed 'known to have aggressive traits ' but I doubt you're interested in educating yourself anyway.

Show quote history

People with these kinds of dogs always react like this. Rottweilers are known for being aggressive to people outside of their ‘pack’. Ten seconds of googling tells me that after pit bulls, they’re the most likely kind of dog to be involved in a fatal attack. So - not harmless.

I stand by my point - a rehomed Rottweiler in a small house with a young child doesn’t sound very sensible.

Wexone · 02/05/2025 12:49

nah sorry would be the end of it for me. you don't know how your dog would live with the cats. I have three dogs and two cats they get fine now. it about how you manage it. I am also slightly allergic especially in summer i hoover alot and take anti histamins sorry this would be a relationship ender if you asked me

TheHappyBug · 02/05/2025 12:49

I am allergic to my own dog, I have always been a bit allergic but the last few years it has developed into asthma. I take a daily antihistamine and have an inhaler incase of an asthma attack which has happened twice.

We get by because I made a commitment to him.

My husband doesn’t live with us because he can’t cope with my dog, it’s fine we love separately and will review it once the dog dies. Marriage is for life, there is no rush.

Callie247 · 02/05/2025 12:49

MidnightPatrol · 02/05/2025 12:49

People with these kinds of dogs always react like this. Rottweilers are known for being aggressive to people outside of their ‘pack’. Ten seconds of googling tells me that after pit bulls, they’re the most likely kind of dog to be involved in a fatal attack. So - not harmless.

I stand by my point - a rehomed Rottweiler in a small house with a young child doesn’t sound very sensible.

Show quote history

Yawn.

charabang · 02/05/2025 12:52

Try to make it work. Best case scenario you can pop antihistamines and the dog ends up loving the cats.

Tortielady · 02/05/2025 12:53

I've got two cats and I would have to be at the end of my rope to part with them so I see where your DP is coming from.

But, you have allergies and this can amount to something a lot more serious than sneezing and watery eyes. Plus, while it's true that rehoming cats isn't always easy, the same could be said for dogs. In 2016, we brought our lovely cat home from a shelter. where she'd been taken by her family who were struggling with the number of animals they had, including a couple of Staffies. At first I wondered how they could bear to part with her, but I very quickly revised my opinion. They may have made a judgement that a beautiful young tortie (she was 2) would be easier to rehome than one, maybe two Staffies. It's certainly true that as soon as I saw her at the shelter I knew I wasn't leaving without her. Of course, the situation may be very different for the OP's DP and his cats, especially if they have to be rehomed together. But suggesting they be rehomed rather than the Rottie might be a reflection on how easy it would be to place beautiful, healthy young cats rather than a dog who's motoring into middle/later age and not a reflection on the character of the OP.