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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask what you think of this incident with DH?

172 replies

JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 02/05/2025 08:09

There's context,obviously, but I'm curious about whether I'm misreading things.

A week ago the weather warms up and DH says it'd be good to get Crocs for the kids, and says he'll order them. They arrive today and it turns out he ordered (knowingly) Crocs which are fleece lined, ie hot. He shows them to me and asks me what I think, I say that they aren't suitable for summer. He says, "I wish I could ever bloody do anything right in this marriage", and stomps off.

Fleece lined Crocs: https://www.crocs.co.uk/p/classic-fleece-lined-clog/211396.html

AIBU?

Classic Fleece Lined Clog

Everybody loves the comfort of the Crocs Classic Clog — and our toasty fleece lined version keeps the feeling going in all seasons. The fleece lining and back strap help keep toes and heels toasty warm, indoors or out. Croslite™ foam construction keeps...

https://www.crocs.co.uk/p/classic-fleece-lined-clog/211396.html

OP posts:
JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 02/05/2025 17:28

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It’s what you expect, I think - he is full time in a big swinging dick sort of job, at which he seems to be very competent; I work three days a week earning much less.

OP posts:
GodDamnItFML · 02/05/2025 17:29

Crocs are bad for kids feet so you both messed up here

Chewygummy · 02/05/2025 17:31

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Chewygummy · 02/05/2025 17:32

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JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 02/05/2025 17:35

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The latter.

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Chewygummy · 02/05/2025 17:52

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oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 02/05/2025 18:01

" He says, "I wish I could ever bloody do anything right in this marriage", and stomps off."

"SO DO I " would have been my response.

JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 02/05/2025 18:05

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At this point, no. I did in the past.

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Chewygummy · 02/05/2025 18:17

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IncessantNameChanger · 02/05/2025 18:26

I'd congratulate him on on a marvelous job. Then ask him to get summer ones. Let him pay twice if it protects his ego.

My dh has got more like this since hitting 40. I think he would prefer to die than admit he isn't perfect. Never used to be like it.

GreenCandleWax · 02/05/2025 19:29

BabyLammits · 02/05/2025 08:12

You are right, your husband is an idiot and a sulky, defensive idiot at that.

I get this same response from mine occasionally. If only some men could learn to apply some simple common sense to what should be sraightforward things then they wouldn't need to feel quite so hard done by, quite so regularly.

Is it strategic incompetence? if so, what he is getting out of it here? Is he looking for an exit long term? I hope not, OP, but seriously this is olympic standard dumbness.

AutumnFroglets · 02/05/2025 20:34

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According to the OP he has bought the same size for both. Twice. His children have different sized feet. Do you think incompetence might have snuck in at this point or is he still dad of the year to you ?

Chewygummy · 02/05/2025 20:51

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Chewygummy · 02/05/2025 20:51

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AnotherEmma · 03/05/2025 13:27

Does he contribute anything other than money? Does he do any cooking or housework? If he does nothing other than paid work, I'd be very unimpressed.

As for this particular issue... it wouldn't come up in our house because I buy all the clothes and shoes that the kids need. DH seems to have no interest in it and would probably get it wrong if he did order anything. However, he does all the meal planning and cooking. I guess in theory it would be nice if we both shared the same jobs but tbh in reality it's just easier if we are each solely responsible for our own jobs. Less need to work out who's doing what. We also have slightly ahem different ways of doing things!

I hear you about the incompetence, though, followed by sulking. It's deeply unattractive.

JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 03/05/2025 14:14

AnotherEmma · 03/05/2025 13:27

Does he contribute anything other than money? Does he do any cooking or housework? If he does nothing other than paid work, I'd be very unimpressed.

As for this particular issue... it wouldn't come up in our house because I buy all the clothes and shoes that the kids need. DH seems to have no interest in it and would probably get it wrong if he did order anything. However, he does all the meal planning and cooking. I guess in theory it would be nice if we both shared the same jobs but tbh in reality it's just easier if we are each solely responsible for our own jobs. Less need to work out who's doing what. We also have slightly ahem different ways of doing things!

I hear you about the incompetence, though, followed by sulking. It's deeply unattractive.

I'm trying to use your question as a chance to be measured rather than eye roll at him.

I'd say his financial contribution is the most significant thing. He's a very high earner (wasn't when we met, it was the other way round).

He is a good dad and will happily take the kids out to do things, but they are also far more likely to play up for him. So they'll have a brilliant time but the outing/bedtime/meal/whatever is very likely to end with someone crying. I'm much less interesting probably, but more steady.

I cook and do all the associated planning, ordering etc. He tidies the kitchen in the evenings, but makes an enormous production over it. As in, he does it very well, probably more than necessary, but also spends an hour doing it and then complains the next day that he went to bed late because he was doing the kitchen. Though "doing the kitchen" also means faffing on his phone, choosing a podcast etc, for ages. It was the same when the kids were little - he would do the bottles and make a huge saga over how long it took etc etc, disproportionate to the task. I tend to leave him to it and put it down to different standards.

He does the school run in the mornings on his way to work, I do the afternoons but also sort all the associated child stuff (holiday clubs, birthday parties, inset days, playdates etc).

I don't think he's a bad guy but I don't think he pulls his weight, even given the disparity in our earnings. And it's hard to figure out what to do about it / whether it warrants splitting up over.

He had another go at me yesterday evening, about a recent holiday that he arranged and which was a bit of a disaster.

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Chewygummy · 03/05/2025 15:32

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Chewygummy · 03/05/2025 15:33

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JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 03/05/2025 15:50

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They are. “Little” = drinking milk from bottles, which needed washing.

I am going to stop engaging with you now. I can’t quite put my finger on it but your responses to me have a really odd tone, like you are trying to catch me out.

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Chewygummy · 03/05/2025 15:52

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Carpetty · 03/05/2025 16:02

He sounds like a moron.
Tedious.

ViciousCurrentBun · 03/05/2025 16:25

For 3 year olds it would be the middle aisle of one of the German supermarkets as they are the absolute cheapest. I have a children’s pair size 2 so VAT free and were a fiver, feet are actually a size 3.5 but they are big for a 2.

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