to ask what you think of this incident with DH?

[JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch]

There's context,obviously, but I'm curious about whether I'm misreading things.

A week ago the weather warms up and DH says it'd be good to get Crocs for the kids, and says he'll order them. They arrive today and it turns out he ordered (knowingly) Crocs which are fleece lined, ie hot. He shows them to me and asks me what I think, I say that they aren't suitable for summer. He says, "I wish I could ever bloody do anything right in this marriage", and stomps off.

Fleece lined Crocs: https://www.crocs.co.uk/p/classic-fleece-lined-clog/211396.html

AIBU?

Sounds like this is about a lot more than shoes

You would be surprised. I've worked with some absolutely useless plonkers with zero common sense who ask their female colleagues to do things for them all day long.

Him: “I can never do anything right.”

Her: “Oh, I disagree. You weaponise your incompetence like an expert, it’s almost like you’re intentionally trying to fuck up a very basic part of parenting so you never get asked to do it again.”

Order your husband a pair of infant crocs. What a baby.

It's such an infuriating response because by his logic, just trying should be enough. Its maddening, because he said something, said he'd do it, bought the wrong thing and then had a hissy fit. And what has that solved? And if its a repeated pattern of behaviour then he needs to look inward and pay more bloody attention!

Agree with others that he made a mistake. Which is fine, we all do it. The problem is that most people would just say "Oh, no. I messed that up. I'll see if I can arrange an exchange". It's incredibly annoying when people make victims of themselves over their errors rather than just owning them and putting them right. You're now supposed to reassure him that its fine, he does loads of things right, he's great, you're sorry etc etc. Who has the time for that when the kids still need their shoes sorting?

But the shoes are no use for summer and the wrong size. How should she back off? Jam her kids feet into them and let them swelter?

I have some similar croc shoes & the fleece lining is removable- for washing - so check if you can pull them out

are the 2 of you in the habit of criticising each other?

It could be worse.
I keep getting these abominations advertised for me.

I find it hard to get excited about a pair of unsuitable shoes.
I may sound pathetic, but I would give anything to have my beloved husband, who died 5 years ago, back so he could go out and buy the wrong thing!
Count your blessings. You’ll miss him when he’s gone!
Or perhaps you won’t………

Honestly this approach would give me the ick big time. It feels too much like managing the behaviour of my 3yo with the acknowledging the problem and providing options to choose from 🤣. I'm about to tell him its far too hot to wear a jumper so would he like to wear the blue t shirt or the green one

Is it just me who have feet unaffected by the heat? Sandals wouldn't feel any cooler than boots for me. Them fleece lined crocs look much more comfortable than the normal ones, so if crocs were my thing I'd choose the fleece ones for summer over the plain ones.

It sounds like the kind of mistake that's typical for someone who is not used to doing that kind of thing. As he buys more children's shoes etc. he will most likely get better at it. :)

Exactly - he needs more practice.

And he needs to return them fast too - there's only a month to get them back (how do I know this???)

Sorry it is weaponised incompetence! Unfortunately a lot of men do this but not at work only at home. Hmmmn…. Wonder why?! I guess they know they can get away with it at home! 🫩

What do you mean by knowingly though? As in he wanted to get fleecy ones?

Lovely ones in the middle aisle of Aldi at the moment £7.99. Tractors or Toadstools

The fleece lined ones are cheap at the moment because he’s summer, he was obv being a tight arse

Yes. As in, when he ordered them he told me he’d ordered fleecy ones, so it wasn’t in error in that respect.

@OneMintWasp that’s the cherry on the cake at this point!

I'm assuming there's more to this, because this seems like a hell of a fuss from both of you about a pair of Crocs.

I mean, in this one post you've said more words about it than OP did to her DH with "they aren't suitable for summer".
Your threshold for 'a hell of a fuss' seems pretty low!

Since this is obviously one incident in many, I would have been tempted to respond “I’m sure you can. I wish you did.” But it probably wouldn’t help.

That sort of incompetence is really draining and so disrespectful.