to ask what you think of this incident with DH?

[JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch]

There's context,obviously, but I'm curious about whether I'm misreading things.

A week ago the weather warms up and DH says it'd be good to get Crocs for the kids, and says he'll order them. They arrive today and it turns out he ordered (knowingly) Crocs which are fleece lined, ie hot. He shows them to me and asks me what I think, I say that they aren't suitable for summer. He says, "I wish I could ever bloody do anything right in this marriage", and stomps off.

Fleece lined Crocs: https://www.crocs.co.uk/p/classic-fleece-lined-clog/211396.html

AIBU?

I bought these as slippers for my grandson. The liners come out. It’s not a big deal

Do you read all the OP's responses and updates on threads? There's even a feature to do on the app now.

At least he's returned them and ordered more appropriate ones.
You didn't complain about the colour (which was a poor choice for small children anyway) and you didn't micromanage or intervene with the ordering or suggest t he just buys cheaper ones from a supermarket rather than actual crocs.

He's either being deliberately useless or he's an idiot because it's obvious that fleece lined crocs are not appropriate for summer when it's hot.

I only had the Aldi version, but it’s an artificial fleece so I found it made my feet sweat unpleasantly. Normal croc-style shoes for summer are better as water shoes, especially for kids, and the fleece versions just aren’t suitable for that.

Also the fleece doesn’t always come out. Mine didn’t. My OH had a pair from Lidl and his do. I don’t think the crocs ones do as they’re a slightly different shoe to the unlined ones.

can you take the fleece out?

I have those ones for winter as slippers. They would be unbearable to wear in summer. I'm in my normal crocs at the moment (thanks, plantar fascitis 😬).

The fleece lining isn't removable on mine so I think it depends on the style. You can hand wash them fine though.

OP said she can't.

I think it depends on the make and type/style.

Anyway he's returning them now.

He probably bought them on sale and thought he was being clever

To be honest if DP got fleece lined crocs for summer I’d be miffed. Mind you we live in Scotland so maybe it would be a shout. He obviously wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing or buying and doesn’t want to own up to it. If he’d said “you know what sorry I’ve ordered the wrong ones let me sort it” and you still moaned, maybe that would be a bit bit picky, but from the sounds of it he’s using weaponised incompetence.

it sounds like you were a bit tactless

It sounds like it's not about the crocs but about a pattern of perceived incompetence which adds to your burden.

I think you should try talking about it in a non critical way with him
eg
I noticed that you felt got at over the crocs situation and I feel that you think that I am down on you when you try and do something helpful, I just wanted to say that I really do appreciate it when you do these things, we all get it wrong sometimes (maybe put in an eg of when you did). I really don't want us to fall into the pattern of you feeling nagged and me feeling exasperated, so why don't we make an effort to put in a bit more thought when we are communicating so this doesn't happen.

(then don't let it escalate into a row! Listen to what he has to say and repeat it back to him in your words, this will stop you just formulating your response rather than actively listening and understanding how he's feeling and it will make him feel heard)

I appreciate it works both ways but someone has to open channels of communication and act like the adult, if you can't communicate effectively then nothing will change.

god its pathetic isnt it...I can highly recommend the let them theory by mel robbins, as much as it annoys you time to step back and let him step up.

He is acting like he is 2. I bet your kids are more mature.

@myplace I'd love to hear more about the oppositional thinking that you mentioned? I think that sounds like the root of a lot of relationship problems (mine included) when you get to the point where neither of you can get anything right and every minor mistake becomes an 'incident'.

Don’t be too hard on him, it can be extremely frustrating when you try to do something nice and get it wrong because you didn’t think to check the details. They’ll do for winter in a few months right?

So add to the mental load? The OP has done enough. Why is it her job to guide her bloke into making decisions for himself?. He's not her kid.

Tosser. YANBU

It's quite obvious that fleece lined shoes aren't ideal for summer. He should send them back and re-order something that's better for the season. It can be annoying when you think you've done a good thing that turns out to be wrong, but adults just suck it up and fix it. It sounds like he has a victim mentality, and that must be exhausting.

That would irritate me too, it doesn't take any level of intelligence to work out that fleece lined anything aren't what you're expecting when you talk about summer

Agreed. I would hate this approach.

I don’t need my husband’s input on what shoes/ clothes to buy for our DC, and I couldn’t be bothered pretending to need it so that he can feel better or have some learning moment. He also couldn’t care less as long as she’s clothed and comfortable; he’d look at me as if I had two heads if I started asking him which pair of sandals he thought I should pick.

He would definitely ask me though, just like I’d ask him if it was other areas where he does have more knowledge/ is likely to have a stronger opinion. DD needed a new bike helmet for example, and since it was a safety thing that did feel more like a ‘team’ decision (although in the end he ended up taking her to buy one himself but only after we’d had the discussion).

Clothes/ shoes in general though easier if I just do it and I don’t mind that falling to me honestly- I don’t feel like every task has to be evenly spilt as long as the overall divide is fair.

Well it’s easy rectified, it was a stupid decision on his part but not insurmountable. Pisses me off when men can’t do a simply task without supervision.

Ugh. He sounds just as defensive as my DH when faced with very minor criticism, except the thought would never even enter his head to buy our children shoes in the first place.

Once the kids are old enough to notice stuff like this let them point out problems with stuff he buys them themselves. That way it isn’t all from you.