to ask what you think of this incident with DH?

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There's context,obviously, but I'm curious about whether I'm misreading things.

A week ago the weather warms up and DH says it'd be good to get Crocs for the kids, and says he'll order them. They arrive today and it turns out he ordered (knowingly) Crocs which are fleece lined, ie hot. He shows them to me and asks me what I think, I say that they aren't suitable for summer. He says, "I wish I could ever bloody do anything right in this marriage", and stomps off.

Fleece lined Crocs: https://www.crocs.co.uk/p/classic-fleece-lined-clog/211396.html

AIBU?

My DH does things like this all the time. He is AuDHD. He has zero common sense and he does get frustrated but once he calms down it's always more anger at himself than anyone else.

If it was my DH he would have been looking for summer shoes, seen those and thought they were cute and his tunnel vision would have made him completely forget what he was meant to be doing in the first place.

I would have said "those will be way too hot for summer you wally, but they're cute". Then if they would last til cold weather we would save them, if not just send them back.

He is getting much better at laughing at himself now because we have created a home environment where people aren't scared to make mistakes.

It is bloody frustrating though, so I understand. I try and laugh through the pain haha

One evening I didn't have time to make mash from scratch so he went to buy the refrigerated ready made ones. We had 4 people in total eating and he got 8 packs of 400grams of mash. Sigh...

😁

I think I would have been more enthusiastic about them but then mentioned that he might need to order some cooler ones for summer. It can be dispiriting to do stuff and find its never right. My husband got annoyed with me for buying him a strawberry sorbet ice cream when I should have known he only eats lemon sorbet. I wish he had acted grateful for the strawberry one but then said he prefers lemon for next time.

after we've asked him that, we can ask him to explain why fleece lined crocs were the sensible choice for summer.

My Mum has these and you can remove the fleece to wash it.

My DF would use lines like “ I can never do anything right” if he made any sort of mistake, especially if my DM drew attention to it. It’s almost like gaslighting and trying to shift the blame. The subtext is no one gets things wrong all the time but you keep finding that I do so therefore it’s you that has the problem. Rather than simply saying what am I like, that’s an easy fix, or whatever to take responsibility.
it was one of his many ways of actually being pretty bloody horrible. I used to wish my DM would leave him.

Who gets bloody fleece lined shoes and then complains when someone says they're not suited for summer?!

He needs to sort himself out and stop blaming you for this mistakes, wow.

In a healthy relationship if the incorrect crocs had been ordered he would say
‘oh my days look what I’ve bloody ordered 😂’
and you would say ‘😂😂😂 let’s go tescos to grab some’
and it would be funny as it’s an honest mistake

if this is constant and he is always failing then he needs to get a grip or if you are overly critical then you need to get a grip. Either way arguing over fleece lined crocs in the summer is ridiculous

it's a manipulative tactic, to make such a drama out of someone noticing he committed some minor ineptitude, that they will never dare to point such a thing out again. it's immensely pathetic.

From my pov, it’s on me to do everything because he does things badly in a way that looks like weaponised incompetence.

From his pov, I expect it’s “my wife nitpicks and undermines me”.

The problem is, I don’t feel I can rely on him because he does things badly, a lot.

And no, it doesn’t seem like the liner is removable.

So you need to team it more.

I know it feels like you are then supervising and gaining nothing. But short the dialogue. Two heads are better than one.

If you take the heat out of it and run things past him, he can do the same with you and it becomes mutual.

You are stuck in oppositional thinking at the moment. It takes time to unpick.

The fleece lined crocs might come in handy on cooler summer evenings when you are outside having a bbq etc, but obviously unsuitable for hot weather and summer activities like going to the beach as they'll get covered in sand. The beauty of normal crocs is they can be worn for most activities including splashing in the sea when the ground is stony/painful to walk on. So he has messed up as normal crocs are still needed.

My DH can do this sometimes - he’ll make a mistake but instead of just saying ‘oh no look what I’ve done I’ll send them back and get the right ones’ he’ll still insist they’ll be fine, then through a strop when I insist they’ll aren’t.

Depends where you live. Forecast is 13 degrees for me today. Just order some summer ones as well then you have some for all conditions

I think you have to unbutton them to remove for washing.

I send husband the link to things, or he sends me the link to double check each other. Then he orders and pays.

I ordered my teen son a pair of trainers in size 5. It transpired I’d ordered toddler size 5. I did this twice!

it’s now family folklore and laughed about. Certainly didn’t become an “incident”

So the implication here is that you’re critical of him in lots of ways, and despite the fact that the criticism here is more than justified, he’s having a strop. Are you over critical OP ? Or is it that you need to be because this is just one more example of his ineptitude ? Because if it’s the latter, it’s mentally draining and eventually it’ll take a toll on your relationship if something doesn’t change. And that’s what should be his take away from this incident. Rather than stomping off in a strop, he should be looking at the quality of his decision making. Seems like there’s some weaponised incompetence that needs to be addressed.

I don't think any context is needed. He made a midteke a simple, ' what a plonker am I? I'll order withouti lining would have been a suitable response.

This is just another example of why I find men to be hugely pointless and unnecessary.

They can't be this shit at work or none of them would have jobs.

My sister has washed her granddaughter's lined Crocs twice in the last week. Cross with socks would be better- never thought I'd advocate that look😂

Did he explain why he thought fleece lined shoes were good for hot weather ?

I don’t think you’re nit picking , I think it’s a ridiculous thing to order and anyone with an ounce of sense would not order fleece lined shoes for the summer .

Mine was like that OP. Always getting things wrong but blaming me for being picky. He was just another useless man in reality and my resentment eventually killed any feelings I had left for him. Start getting a FO fund ready because you will be leaving at some point, whether it's next year or in five.