To not want to share a room at age 27?

[Tangw]

Every year, our extended family rents a big house and we spend a week together. Always rent the same house.

Growing up, I have always had to share a room with a younger female relative. This hasn’t happened for a number of years because usually someone in the family can’t come for whatever reason, so me or the relative gets to have the spare room.

This year, everyone can make it which is great. But that means that I have to share a bedroom for the week. AIBU to not want to share at this age?

Surely it’s just down to who’s paying what? A couple with a room to the two of them would pay twice as much as a single person sharing with another single person - because there’s two of them!

They are given the luxury of not sharing with anyone outside their immediate household. Why is that fair?

Airbeds are commonly used during family gatherings. It’s nothing new.

Yes, I know, hence my question was hypothetical.

Because you're taking double the space and bed space for one instead of two people. You're also reducing the number of people who can be accommodated in order to have more space for yourself as a single person. As a couple id expect to pay more for a king size room or suite than a standard double...

They are sharing 2 people to a 2 person room like everyone else.

And, no, it's not normal (or generally allowed) to put an airbed in a 2 person room in a holiday rental and make a third person sleep in there.

Families generally book accommodation with the right number of bedspaces for the number of people attending. That is one bedspace per person, regardless of marital status.

I don't share with anyone apart from DH, ever. Going to a hotel with friends I will pay for a separate room, always. (Too many years at boarding school where sharing was compulsory.)
Even with DH sometimes if there's a spare room on holiday I might move if it's very hot, for example.

Have you ever said that you don't want to share?

What's the age difference and how close are you with the relative?

Your choice is to share this time or not go. Next time say that you will not be sharing and will organise your own accommodation.

@TheHerboriste Cripes, I'd be delighted if someone else paid for my holiday accommodation, I wouldn't feel disrespected at all! I don't think anyone's paid for me since I was at university.

Of course, if I'm paying for it myself, I'll get what I want/can afford.

I’ve shared many times as an adult with friends and relatives. My only problem would be with sharing a bed. I can’t sleep with others whoever they are and in that circumstance I might decide to rent somewhere else and pay the cost for my preferred comfort.

I don’t think there’s anything weird in sharing as an adult though in a holiday situation.

What does age have to do with sharing a room?! Obviously this person must be the same gender and a family member?! If it makes you uncomfortable then pay and stay elsewhere or offer to pay more so they rent a bigger house so you can have your own room. If you aren’t paying then you honestly don’t have the luxury of an opinion, you can either go and share or stay at home.

I assume the bigger house would cost everyone more money? If you’re not happy with the arrangements just don’t go.

Solution is a bigger property, but this was declined by others.

How much would the cost jump by and did you offer to cover this?

Sharing on a family trip isn't remotely weird. All sorts of combos share in our family at our house and an AirBNB at Christmas as anywhere larger would literally add over £800 to the costs.

Also if the house has history with the family holidays it a huge ask to move it elsewhere just because you don't want to share on a rare occasion everyone can actually make it

YANBU. I’d say that I’m not up for sharing with anyone anymore. I wouldn’t go - otherwise they’ll do the same again next year.

There is nothing odd in sharing a room as an adult (I did it recently, in my mid-50s). There is also nothing odd in deciding you don't want to and offering to take on the cost and inconvenience of sorting yourself out.

It depends. Is everyone else sharing? Are you willing to pay the extra to book a bigger place? That is if there is a bigger place available in location everyone wants.

OP, if you don't want to share a room, can you just book a room at a nearby hotel? There must surely be something not too far.

This doesn't make any sense.
The couples are already sharing a room. Why should they have an extra person in their room (who has to sleep on an airbed!) so that OP can have a room to herself?

I don't understand the issue. If you were to go on holiday with your friends, do you have to all have separate rooms? Do you never share a room with a friend when you stay over?

It's obviously not something you want to do though, and that's your choice... I don't think it's weird to share rooms between family and friends on a holiday though.

We found ourselves in a similar situation earlier this year - holidaying with family (‘kids’ aged 22 and 27) and friends with similar aged adult kids. We’d booked a house with a couple of spare rooms when late in the day DS said he and girlfriend could come too, then late on my DD 27 and friends DS 26 both decided to join us - fully aware they’d have to share….which they’d done many times from the age of about 6. Both saw no problem with this as a compromise when they were joining an all expenses activity holiday neither would have done alone.

Why shouldn't they?

The point I am trying to make is that there is an underlying bias and assumption that couples are automatically entitled to privacy and to not share with anyone outside their household, but that singles can just suck it up to be randomly thrown together with any other warm body the organizer wants to pair them up with.

Why shouldn't the marrieds have to sacrifice some privacy to make the trip nicer for others?

There's no rule to say only two to a room. If you are mingling households for cost or convenience reasons, why do the marrieds not have to share with someone from outside their own household?

That posters are chiming in to say "I don't mind sharing" is utterly irrelevant to this discussion because the OP started the thread by saying she DOES mind. Telling her she shouldn't mind is ridiculous. People are entitled to their preferences. If couples can dodge sharing with unrelated people, solos should too.

Take a tent and sleep in the garden?!

reductio ad absurdum. Don't take it literally.

Holiday accommodations are about more than "bedspace." That's what I think you aren't getting.

I think people are missing the underlying issue. It can be really hard to be expected to sacrifice adulthood privileges as a single adult for the comfort of the coupled up.