To not want to share a room at age 27?

[Tangw]

Every year, our extended family rents a big house and we spend a week together. Always rent the same house.

Growing up, I have always had to share a room with a younger female relative. This hasn’t happened for a number of years because usually someone in the family can’t come for whatever reason, so me or the relative gets to have the spare room.

This year, everyone can make it which is great. But that means that I have to share a bedroom for the week. AIBU to not want to share at this age?

I don’t personally see anything wrong with it as long as you’ve both got your own bed in the room? I do trips with girl friends a lot, I’m almost 40, and sometimes we’ll share a twin room for example. It’s just somewhere to sleep! It’s just never bothered me. Are you close?

I think if you want your own room your family should respect that and you should find a place with enough bedrooms!
We have an issue like this as 2 of my SILs are single, they do sometime share to save ££but I know they don't like it

Never go on holiday with your family to Japan... it is very common to have many beds in one room!
eg
www.booking.com/Share-NwfAkf

I think your age is less relevant than:

1. Who is contributing towards the accommodation costs
2. The room arrangements for the others going

Are you paying?

• If so, it's probably not fair that you are being expected to room share, unless what you're contributing is lower to reflect this.
• If you aren't contributing, I think it's totally reasonable to expect you to share with someone else (especially if same sex) to keep down the costs for those who are paying. If you don't want to share, pay your own hotel nearby or suggest a different place to stay that would fit everyone and offer to pay your own share.

Or, -

Are there other adult family members the same sex as you who are getting their own room?

• If so, and you are paying your way just as they are (or neither of you are paying), I'd suggest drawing straws for which of the combination gets their own room and who shares. If you are both paying, the person sharing should have a lower contribution than everyone else.
• if they don't want to do that, suggest as a group you find somewhere with more rooms, or find a hotel nearby and split that cost across everyone who is paying (including yourself).

Only you can say why it’s weird to share. It’s not for most people. I’m 56 and have shared a room with people way younger. See also school residential and sharing with colleagues!

So you don't stay up til 3am watching TV in bed. You sit in the living room with headphones on and watch TV instead. Or you stream something on your laptop. Or you put some earplugs in and get a good night's sleep.

Everyone farts: get over it. What are you all eating and drinking to be so incredibly farty?

It's a week: change in the bathroom or change in the dark. Or stay in bed till your roomie has got up and left and then change. And go to bed first. Talk to your roomie about knocking first. Say to them: 'I'd like 40 minutes privacy' and then put a wedge under the door to ensure they can't walk in on you.

Loads of couples would love to sleep soundly in a room for 1, but are always expected to share. If you're dividing the cost of the property per person, why should they pay double and you pay half of what they pay and get a room to yourself?

I want, I want, I want.

It's a family holiday. Compromise, fitting in and goodwill are the name of the game. Get what you want elsewhere when you pay for your own room.

In 30 years' time, when you look back at the photos of your younger self having fun with the family you won't remember that you weren't able to sit up till 3am watching TV, or that you had to coordinate room use. You'll look back at the warmth of doing stuff with family, the nice times you had, the older relatives who've died, the cousin you had laugh with.

You can't always get what you want but sometimes, if you go in with the right mindset rather than being determined to be miserable and deprived, you get what you need.

If OP's cousin feels the same as OP (because it doesn't sound like they are friends) then maybe they could share the room time-wise, I mean, one do the 1st half of the holiday, the other the 2nd.

@Pluvia, not everyone has your low standards and abysmally low expectations. Holidays are supposed to be enjoyable, not barely tolerable.

OP's preferences are just as valid as anyone else's.

I hate sharing and will only do it with approximately 2 people in the world. I just pay more for a single. It’s nothing to do with my age though.

But is OP paying, or still benefitting from the child arrangement of having their way paid?

If you’re paying for a room, you should get the same as everyone else, a room of your own.

If you’re not paying, then you share a room. If 27 is too old to share, it’s also too old to be bankrolled.

You either refuse to go unless you get a room of your own or say you’ll only pay half the cost of a room if you’re sharing.

I kind of see where your coming from is it that everyone else is coupled up and got their own rooms you've been stuck with someone's kid.

Is everyone?

If this is funded by the older generation, they need to treat everyone equally. Not provide privacy for married and any old space for solos.

If not, OP, I would take a stand and not attend. Save your annual leave for a holiday where you are equally respected.

OP - if it's the assumption that you'll share if you're a) single b) female, even if you are the youngest - YANBU in the slightest, especially if you are paying an equal share. Perhaps something along the lines of 'I've reached the age when I like my own room so I've found somewhere nearby...'

YABU and odd.

It is a place to lay your head on holiday.

I'm FAR older than you and would have no issue with this whatsoever. Nor would my dc who are your age.

I can't understand why it is such an issue for you, but your choices seem to be either

• crack on, like a normal person would
• find somewhere local so you can spend £££ renting yourself a room nearby and still see everyone during the day
• don't go
• take a tent

@Tangw - "... Every year, our extended family rents a big house and we spend a week together. Always rent the same house... "

This is my vision of hell. Having to share a prison with extended family for a week. And you're worried about sharing a room...

Don't you have a life to live?

Wouldn’t bother me sharing with a female relative, as long as I got my own bed (and I’m old enough to be your parent!).

How nasty. Some people enjoy time with their families. It’s not nice to be pejorative about people’s lives like that.

Why don’t you tell us how you spend your leisure time so we can judge.

If you're paying then it's not great. Maybe tell them that you will find somewhere close because you don't want to share or drop out. Tell them why though so they can consider doing something else next year.

It depends though. If everyone else is paying, say, £100 for a room of their own, why should OP pay the same to share a room just because of her age?

Who is paying?

Who else shares apart from you and the person you share with?

How many -
-rooms?
-beds?
-people?

idk if Yabu or not. If it’s a free (to you) holiday then suck it up or don’t go. If you are paying the same as people who get their own room then yanbu.

Married people aren't usually getting a room to themselves each though. Generally, like the singles, they are expected to share two people to a two person room.

And stop with the airbed nonsense, you're making yourself look stupid (and with a very clear chip on your shoulder).

Two people (regardless of marital status) could be reasonable expected to share a 2 person/bedspace bedroom. No-one is being given the luxury of not sharing with another person.

If you're paying as much as everyone else and there are other single adults going but its always assumed you'll share because that was the arrangement as kids then i think yanbu, it should be someone elses turn now.

But Op hasn't said anyone has an individual room to themselves.
Nor has she said the allocation of rooms is anything to do with ages of people.

Nor, despite being asked many times, has she said who is paying what.

Then don’t go. They don’t want to pay more. You don’t have to go.

27 is still very young, so I think a lot of people would be happy to share at this age, if it was a money saving.

You’d like find fewer people over, say, 40 were up for it!

But the key thing, I think, is who is paying for what. If you’re expected to pay the same share as someone who is getting their own room, then it’s clearly unreasonable.

But I wouldn’t say anyone has a right to their own room or special treatment, unless perhaps they’re elderly (so retirement age +).