To not want to share a room at age 27?

[Tangw]

Every year, our extended family rents a big house and we spend a week together. Always rent the same house.

Growing up, I have always had to share a room with a younger female relative. This hasn’t happened for a number of years because usually someone in the family can’t come for whatever reason, so me or the relative gets to have the spare room.

This year, everyone can make it which is great. But that means that I have to share a bedroom for the week. AIBU to not want to share at this age?

I wouldn’t have an issue with it. I often share with my daughter I’m nearly 47 btw. If you don’t want to share then stay somewhere else nearby.

It's 1 week out of 52 but actually, it's a been a few years since you had to share so, what? 4 years?? So 1 week out of 208?

Are you spending all your holiday within this 1 room? If not, I reckon you'll survive just sleeping in a shared bedroom for 1 week.

By the way OP hasn’t come back, I suspect she isn’t paying for the trip. If it’s being funded (and organised) by the older generation then your choices are to put up with it cheerfully, stay in a nearby hotel/ tent instead or not go and politely say it doesn’t work for you now to have to share, but you hope they have a great time.

If you are paying: how are costs being divided? The way we do it now on group holidays is dividing the cost per the number of rooms in the rental you plan to occupy. So a couple sharing a bedroom room pays, £500 for the week, or £250 per person. A person requesting a single room would have to pay £500 for them. Parents (this is the stage I’m at now) desiring a separate room for their DC would pay £1000 in total as their household is taking up two bedrooms. You can do a little variation if the property has variation in how big/ small rooms are and if they have en-suites or not, but per room not per person is fair imo.

This chat about couples being more privileged sharing because they can choose is nonsense. Obviously single people aren’t cargo and on every shared house I have been to recently they ask for preferences for roomies. I went on a hen recently and had to share with a random person because I didn’t know anyone except the bride - other people got to share with their bestie from uni. Was I disadvantaged?

I go away with friends from uni every year for a long weekend, we always share rooms in twos to save money. We're in our 40s and 50s!

I would share

Your age is irrelevant. How are the costs split? I think that’s the relevant bit
I’m 60 and as long as I had a bed to sleep in( as opposed to the floor) I’d be fine with a family member.
I guess it depends how much you want to go on the holiday. I presume you don’t have any medical needs as you’ve not mentioned any.

I wouldn’t share a room with anyone except my partner, I’ve always liked my space. I’d absolutely hate this and wouldn’t go.

I am the least sharing person you could imagine, and have never shared a bedroom (only child). However, I'm sure I could suck it up for a week, whatever my age. YABU, and if it offends you so much don't go.

This. It’s only weird if you make it weird. It’s about the bigger point of the holiday, isn’t it? It’s not for long. Suck it up. Or don’t. Up to you. But you may be the one losing out one way or another if you can’t get past it.

If you can be open to sharing it may save you money and hassle on other trips in the future too. Obviously, it depends on who you’re sharing with maybe. I’d struggle with a snorer, otherwise, fine.

Is there more to it, like feeling insecure because you’re maybe single and others are not? Indeed, if you’ve always shared maybe others need to take a turn, that only seems fair too… 🤷‍♀️ Do you not like the cousin you’re sharing with? Might be a nice experience as you’ll get to chat a bit more on your own potentially. Maybe you’ll bond over both feeling a bit weird about it?

There are bigger things in life than sharing a room, it’s actually nice with family and u are not in a hotel also they might feel comfortable coz they are familiar with the hse as u say you have used it before. Try and understand why u can’t and from there u will know what to do more than this platform can advise. It is yr family why go if u can’t share a house in the first place

I’ve never minded sharing to save money. It slightly irks me when we to pay more for the couple of friends who won’t share. I do of course, because they feel how they feel!

If you’ve stayed there for years, it’s not just about the cost for everyone else. It is part of family history and tradition. People will resent having to change, even if you fund the difference.

How many of the group are sharing? If it’s just you why not suggest someone else shares instead of you….or ask if anyone else would be prepared to share.
opting out or staying somewhere separate might cause the rest of the group to think you’re being a bit precious ….you know how savage families can be 😂

Depends if you’re paying for your own place or not. If you’re paying, pay for your own room. If you’re not paying, you have to suck it up.

If that’s how your family roll………..

I don't see the problem to be honest, regardless of age. It's not like they are strangers. I shared a house with a group of strangers and a room with an acquaintance at a holiday park once. I might not want to do that now at 38 but it was fine in my 20's. I would happily put up with sharing a room if it was the price for quality time with family. Being scattered across the country, I don't see my family regularly and would love to spend more time with them.

we generally hire a large villa with private pool. We had 4 en-suite rooms and an additional bathroom last time. We also pay for their flights, food etc. We say every year, are you sure you want to come away with us again, but at the moment they are still keen!

I don't think it's necessarily weird, but I personally prefer a solo room. I'm 47, this summer I'll be sharing a 4-person dorm with my friend and our two teenagers, just as it's the easiest thing to do, but I'd love a single room any time if I can.

@Roselilly36 That sounds like a wonderful holiday! I’m sure they appreciate how lucky they are, because not every family can do that.

I do find it funny the amount of comments saying, ‘Oooh, you shouldn’t mind if you’re 27 but at 34 I’d find it difficult …’ etc. Really? What happened in the intervening 8-10 years that makes such a difference? We all grow old/er.

Are you paying towards this? If not I’d say sharing is fine. If so id be asking for a bigger place.

Family gatherings are incredibly tough for young adults who are not yet in relationships and more so for singles who are older and would rather be in relationships, especially those who have never had an established partner. It's a bit different for the "been there done that" crowd.

Clearly none of you have ever lived that. It's one of the scenarios that brings your pain home like no other, as you're once again reduced to the role of child

Absolutely @Commonsense22 Helen Fielding (author of Bridget Jones) didn't make up the "smug marrieds" out of nowhere.

And for those who say "Oh well, married couples are sharing"- are you REALLY so emotionally unintelligent as not to understand the difference between sharing with your life partner where you've made the commitment to each other of lifelong intimacy in most or aspects of your lives, and single people shoved together because - well, because no-one thinks about their privacy, and there's the room left over.

Exactly, @ParmaVioletTea

I can’t tell if it’s obtuseness or extreme disingenuosity.

Plus the whole “oh I’m happy sleeping eight strangers to a mattress on the floor in the lounge just to get a cheap holiday” crowd are spectacularly missing the point.

@ParmaVioletTea But what is the rest of the family supposed to do? They can’t uncouple themselves because their brother/sister is single.

Are you saying that the smug marrieds should pay for separate rooms for single family members?

Just been away with my friend, we share the bed never mind a room 😂

They could uncouple themselves for the holiday.