To not want to share a room at age 27?

[Tangw]

Every year, our extended family rents a big house and we spend a week together. Always rent the same house.

Growing up, I have always had to share a room with a younger female relative. This hasn’t happened for a number of years because usually someone in the family can’t come for whatever reason, so me or the relative gets to have the spare room.

This year, everyone can make it which is great. But that means that I have to share a bedroom for the week. AIBU to not want to share at this age?

Good on you to know your boundaries and show your family that these can change as you grow up.

@TheHerboriste So the couples mix and match with other family members for the duration of the holiday? That would be interesting! 😂

No, I don’t think it’s unreasonable not to want to share, for whatever reason. My mother always wants to share with me if we go anywhere together - for company/conversation - and I don’t want to share for exactly the same reasons!

There’s a context question - is it possible to rent a bigger suitable property which would mean you didn’t have to, what would the cost implications be for everyone else (and could they afford it), etc. It sounds like they’ve declined to go elsewhere even though there is a suitable alternative, because it suits them and they’re not worried about how you feel.

If you still want to go, you could make the point by booking somewhere else on your own and visiting them - it’s clunky and you may feel a bit “out of it” but it’d make the point about how you feel and they might respond better to a change next year. Obviously you could choose not to go at all but it would be easy for them to ignore that (eg say you obviously didn’t want to go anyway) and it might look a bit like cutting your nose off to spite your face.

Sorry you’re in the position, it’s upsetting.

Why not?

@TheHerboriste No reason not to, I suppose. It just makes me laugh.

It's only for 1 week, what is your problem? You have the next 51 to be a Billy no mates if that's what you want.

I'm 57 and I share my mum's bed when I stay over at Christmas. My special person will be sharing a room in a hotel in August. It's not weird.

There is a tipping point if making one person happy means increasing the cost substantially for those who are paying I don’t see that is reasonable. Not every host has endless amounts of money to truly please everyone. Like a lot of things in life it’s about compromise.

I wouldn't like it either but I would still do it, because it's not all about me.
I once agreed to a sailing holiday, my DH was desperately keen. Me not so much when he told me we would be in a cabin for 8 passengers. Sharing a very, very small room and toilet & shower with 6 completely unknown men & women for a week! I was horrified & hated it.
But the trip was otherwise very good.& if I hadn't gone, I would've missed out on an amazing experience.
There's not right or wrong here, you just meed to decide if the whole experience is worth sharing a room, or if you would prefer toi lmiss our rather than share.

It feels weird to you. It may actually feel weird to others too but they keep quiet about it.

Exactly! A maverick organiser once went against the norm - instead of putting all us single women together in the bunkhouse, he decoupled the couples and put the men into the bunks and the women in the house. It was lovely for a change, usually couples are prioritised. There was a degree of male disgruntlement.

Of course if you’re paying or not makes a difference. My DS is 19 & I pay for us to go abroad with his younger sister and he doesn’t get any choice in where we go/where I book. I’ve booked him his own room this year as DD is getting older & I know he feels more comfortable in his own room but he’s male. Last year we all shared a room & he sucked it up. If we were all the same sex he’d be sharing a room with us. If he wants more of a choice, he can start paying for himself (he’s happy to come with us- I never guilt trip him- completely his choice to decide to accompany us).

OP I think whether or not you get to assert your 'grown-upness' all depends on whether or not you re paying the same amount at the other 'grown-ups'. I note you haven't answered this question that has been raised many times. If you are not paying an 'adult' share then you don't get your own 'adult' bedroom.

I and my friend holidayed a few times together and she didn't ever want to share a hotel room which obviously made the holidays more expensive. Last trip she agreed to share a 2 bed 2 bath Airbnb. I didn't get a decent night's sleep all week. She snored so loudly it sounded like someone revving a motorbike next door! Back to single hotel rooms for future holidays 🤔

Why should people have to "cope" with holidays? Shouldn't they be fun times where people get to do what they want more than when at home having to work every day?

Of course they should. Now why the OP can't organise that kind of holiday for herself is the next question.

I’m late 40s and would share with a family member. I don’t think it’s weird!

So you want others to pay so you don't have to share a room?

Because it is pretty difficult to get a large group of people together for a holiday.
You have to find a date first (nightmare in itself)
You have to find a building that has enough beds to fit you all in
You have to find somewhere that caters for other requirements (whether that is allowing pets or never allowing pets or if everyone wants a games room or access to a swimming pool or enough parking for several cars, etc etc
You might have to look for somewhere with particular access arrangements
It has to be somewhere that everyone can travel to in a reasonable amount of time
For the overwhelming majority of us, it has to be affordable.
Someone has to take on board the catering arrangements (might or might not be the same person as the one who finds the building, but catering for large numbers can be a massive job in itself).

The OP - or anyone else - doesn't have to go, but, if they want to spend time on holiday with extended family, then these are the arrangements that have been made and they can choose to go or choose not to go. However, if they haven't done all the leg work to organise it, then the odds are there will be little things each and every person might have preferred to be a little bit different, but most people on this thread are saying you accept that as part of going away with a large group.

OP has the absolute right to book a single room, wherever they want to in the World, and go on her own, and miss out on this particular break with her extended family if she wants, or things "coping" is too much for her.

Are there no other singles in the party who could share for a change OP? I wouldn't want to share either, even if they're all family, but each to their own. Would the rest of them be prepared to share a bigger property, if you agreed to pay the additional cost, assuming of course that it wouldn't cost you more than a hotel or B&B nearby?

I don't even share a room with my husband - this is a big no from me. I shared with my twin sister when we were kids, we went away a while ago, she asked me if I wanted to share - HELL NO! (I'm 65). Your trip sounds like hell on earth. You don't have to do anything you do not want to.

It’s not remotely weird to share a room at 27. Also not remotely weird to not want to get a different property when you’ve always stayed in the same place and have a connection to it