Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Update

[SophEll]

I have debated whether to post this update but I promised I would in the previous thread (www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5325717-disgusted-by-schools-response-to-complaint-about-pervy-teacher) and I’m someone who keeps their word.

I have had an acknowledgment of my email to the Chair of Governors who assures me they will ensure my previous correspondence with the school will be personally overseen by the Headteacher as opposed to the senior member of staff who replied previously.

The Governor has understandably explained that the school cannot share the details of any internal disciplinary action, but has assured me the head teacher will provide me with a further response in due course, and asked me to provide my contact number. I’ve also confirmed that should it be required, my friend would be happy to provide her account of the evening’s events.

This proves that the school previously dismissing this without investigation was inappropriate, so I must say I’m feeling rather smug right now at this vindication. Given their prompt response, the Governor clearly recognises the reputational impact something like this could have on the school.

Thanks to all those who provided suggestions on how best to proceed (including those who said I should have laughed it off, been flattered etc) - I’ll endeavour to provide a further update once the headteacher concludes their investigation. An impressively prompt response by the Chair - the joys of retirement I guess!

Some Governors are Parents and some are not
We actually are able to help shape policy, deal with complaints and even employ teachers so we do have some powers
We still wouldn't entertain this nonsense though and OP has taken a classic pat on the head fob off as a great victory

And of course the classic “everybody will think you’re crazy”. Where have I heard that one before? Oh yes, the Middle Ages.

All has he has to do is deny it and then what. Op will be looked at as a problem that they need to abait.

ok well I think we will have to agree to disagree on this one. 😅

It shows how shallow the op is

Have you seen the result of yesterday's AIBU to pursue this poll? 90% yes, she is, 10% no she's not. You think most of the population would follow this up, rather than saying at the time 'Keep your fantasies to yourself'? I don't. Life's too short. Some people behave badly when drunk.

Agree. The other thing you are failing to recognise is that they will already have spoken to the guy even before their first response to you. He will already have been given a telling off and will have been utterly embarrassed. The more junior employee responding will also, highly likely, have already consulted with the headteacher before answering you. They just don’t tell that to the outsider who made the complaint. While with your first complaint, they will have seen him as the problem and given him a severe slap on the wrist. With your second complaint you have become the problem. The governor, head teacher and other respondent will all calmly work together to work out the response to pacify you, and who it should best come from - likely the headteacher - as much to protect the more junior employee from having to deal with you as anything else. Because one of the annoying responsibilities of power is dealing with the annoying, escalated situations. I think you are delusional that someone higher up will now be reprimanding the person lower down.

I think the OP is ridiculous, but I also know of someone who pursued her local refuse collection people for putting her bin in the wrong place.
many letters to them, her local MP or councillor complaining about the MP or councillor, then all reported in the local paper.

Some people are just ridiculous

It was about the mother not the pupil

So if we think that the OPs actions were overkill it makes us defenders of men, now I've heard it all.

Sooooo many people saying that it was hugely inappropriate and he certainly would have done a Homer Simpson backing into the hedge had he tried that with me.

Some seem to be implying that women are weak for not pursuing this with the school, that they are defenders of men etc. I personally see it as the complete opposite, that I am strong enough and have enough personality to deal with some pervy drunk dick. Had I felt unsafe or threatened in any way then yes I would have followed it up.

I'm not a man defender, I'm someone who can handle things myself and know when a line has been overstepped and something serious needs to be actioned.

I hate this 'word'. It totally belittles the act of rape as nobody would ever use it in that scenario. You'd never say "oh john got a bit rapey with Susan" if John actually raped Susan.

It's obviously used instead of pervy... which is a totally different thing.

Yes … this is the exact point I was trying to make earlier in the thread and in the first one.
I wonder if the difference in opinions is a bit generational?
(everyone agrees comment sleazy shit and inappropriate - just not on the course of action following on from his comments)

Conversely, when I was on the receiving end, years ago, of a comment from a colleague suggesting I had slept with another colleague, I had no intention of doing anything about it until a friend who worked in a Scandinavian country persuaded me I should. I dismissed it, thinking 'I always knew he was a tosser.' Pick your battles. I should have picked this one from the start. OP should have let this one go.

Perhaps you're on a different thread. He made no reference to any pupil

I think it was wrong to complain to his workplace. If he’d grabbed you, yeah. But in this case, no.

I hope this thread is widely read, and the previous one of course, so that people can see the extent of hatred for anyone commenting on a teacher's dubious behaviour. I've posted many times about teachers not being able to do any wrong whatsoever on MN, and this is double whammy as it's a male teacher. Literally bullet proof.

It doesn't matter if the OP is having a parade and garden party to celebrate the latest development, the guy was a dick, he can be pulled up on it and he should be pulled up on it.

Exactly this.
your main goal comes across for you to win.
An inappropriate commen? Yes. But by a drunk adult to another adult when not at work, does not deserve this level of witch hunt.
congratulations the school will now deal with this exactly as you wished, you win. Brilliant.
I hope karma delivers its comeuppance to you.

That’s a lovely tale (she sounds bonkers!), but completely different to what I have gone through in this scenario.

As a teacher it is terrifying how accusations can morph on the Internet.
He is now being accused of being a paedophile.

All classes now have parents WhatsApp groups and I'm sure accusations and rumours fly like this all the time.

But there’s a national teacher shortage don’t you know!! The poor buggers have a stressful job so just let them spell out their sexual fantasies to parents they’ve had in their classroom before. If the woman is offended, so what? Just laugh it off, it’s flattering after all.

I've wondered about the generational aspect too. As a 60-something, I feel strongly that women should deal with this sort of male nonsense at the time. It surprises me how many women here want their line manager to wade into minor disagreements with colleagues rather than having a conversation themselves.

You’ve ’gone through’ fuck all! You’re making yourself look worse with this ridiculousness. Making a mockery of women who’ve experienced actual sexual abuse! Very ‘look at me!’. You’re an attention seeker. Nothing more. In fact, I’m now wondering if you’re just taking the utter piss!?

Yes... and quite telling that although OP has been back she hasn't put those posters straight.

It’s not making a mockery of anyone, that’s an absurd statement to make.

😮‍💨