Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Update

[SophEll]

I have debated whether to post this update but I promised I would in the previous thread (www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5325717-disgusted-by-schools-response-to-complaint-about-pervy-teacher) and I’m someone who keeps their word.

I have had an acknowledgment of my email to the Chair of Governors who assures me they will ensure my previous correspondence with the school will be personally overseen by the Headteacher as opposed to the senior member of staff who replied previously.

The Governor has understandably explained that the school cannot share the details of any internal disciplinary action, but has assured me the head teacher will provide me with a further response in due course, and asked me to provide my contact number. I’ve also confirmed that should it be required, my friend would be happy to provide her account of the evening’s events.

This proves that the school previously dismissing this without investigation was inappropriate, so I must say I’m feeling rather smug right now at this vindication. Given their prompt response, the Governor clearly recognises the reputational impact something like this could have on the school.

Thanks to all those who provided suggestions on how best to proceed (including those who said I should have laughed it off, been flattered etc) - I’ll endeavour to provide a further update once the headteacher concludes their investigation. An impressively prompt response by the Chair - the joys of retirement I guess!

I think you are foolish to pursue this, no matter how smug you may feel, that’s not an admirable trait.

The point is though, she’s been told by many hundreds of people that her reaction is way disproportionate. She doesn’t give a shit though, she just wants to be right at all costs because she’s too self absorbed. She’s not at all worried about other children or mums, it’s her way of saying ‘fuck you’ and gaining one over on the teacher. That’s it. Simple.

No one has said his behaviour was ‘fine and dandy. Everyone has said it was vile, creepy etc. The difference is that 90% of people would’ve had the balls to tell him to fuck off there and then, not reported him to his employer and started what can only be described as a unhinged witch hunt.

OP if you actually have the time to do shit like this then you need a hobby.

Former Chair of Governors here.

Except for the 'quiet word' with the head, this course of action would be unwise, in the absence of evidence. It would also set a precedent for letters of apology to be sent to anyone who contacts the school about what they perceive to be inappropriate behaviour by a teacher.

I wouldn't have involved the school in the first place?! Stupid comment he made 100%.. and maybe when he is sober approach it. Let him know its inappropriate behaviour...but he's of no risk to children due to it. Why did you go to such lengths?!

Yes i did, Did you?

Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard.

I responded then to your suggestion that instead of walking away the OP should have confronted him with a sassy put down:

Yes we should be challenging it - right there and then, to his face, in the bar with an appropriate sassy put down

I suggested to you that confronting a drunk man is at best likely to be instantly forgettable and at worst may lead to a nasty confrontation.

Got it now? Good.

I genuinely believe a one off misplaced comment where the person who made the comment immediately backs off, is not worth reporting on.

Standing up for yourself there and then can gain you respect amongst men and in society in general.

Im a strong woman and would shoot down a comment like this immediately and would do in any setting. I also know when to report and have had men sacked for sexist behaviour in the past too. It’s knowing where to draw the line.

And equally female teachers who could have met a man in a bar (after a few drinks) and said I remember you from parents evening was it ten years ago? I always fancied the pants off you, Now equally in terror of being reported.

The OP literally says she's smug in the first post.

Can also very easily lead to male violence…

Good point. We women behave badly too.

I don’t believe any of this

Totally rapey

You may have recovered some credibility if you'd admitted you misread the opening post.

Really? When they've already backed off straight away?

So just don’t say it?!

People have sexual thoughts about other people. Last time I checked that wasn't a crime.

What did he actually do that was wrong? Please do tell me?

As for this old mumsnet line about 'having a low bar', give it a rest. The OP could have put this idiot in his place at the time, and let that be the end of it. It's nothing to do with my standards, which you know nothing about. The guy's got a shit chat up routine, no more no less. Save your outrage for situations that actually merit it.

OP, they've placated you. Nothing will happen. The Chair has said they cannot tell you what the outcome is, so you'll have no idea. The Head will just tell you the matter has been investigated and the matter is concluded.

As I said on the last thread, he will deny he said anything or he may have been so pissed he forgot what he said. There is no proof. No one is going to reprimand an employee without a shred of evidence.

Yes they are only volunteers they are not paid. It's a role given to make parents feel they have control but they don't.

It reads more like the plot of a mad Channel 5 drama!

Omg. You're upset because in this fantasy this man had about another adult woman he didn't get full consent? Have you read 1984?

Yes, but you just need to keep the thoughts in your head.

Because she wants to be taken seriously and needs to be proven right. It's about the response by the school to her original complaint, not about the comment per se.

She is being told by some very enthusiastic defenders of men all sorts of fantastical and contradictory things. That she will ruin his career and reputation. Yet also that she will be seen as a problem and measures taken to keep her away from the school. That some women would have responded positively to him, and my personal favourite - that the BoG are 'just volunteers' who 'can't do anything'. In light of this, I'm sure the OP is highly unlikely to give much credence to a bunch of naysayers who on this thread have, to put it politely, a 'different outlook' than one might typically find amongst the general population in 2025.

Glad You pursued it, the comment was very inappropriate especially the thinking about bending you over the table, very ‘teacher’ sexual fantasy which is where he didn’t just cross the line but went bounding over it.