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Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Update

1000 replies

SophEll · 01/05/2025 12:30

I have debated whether to post this update but I promised I would in the previous thread (www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5325717-disgusted-by-schools-response-to-complaint-about-pervy-teacher) and I’m someone who keeps their word.

I have had an acknowledgment of my email to the Chair of Governors who assures me they will ensure my previous correspondence with the school will be personally overseen by the Headteacher as opposed to the senior member of staff who replied previously.

The Governor has understandably explained that the school cannot share the details of any internal disciplinary action, but has assured me the head teacher will provide me with a further response in due course, and asked me to provide my contact number. I’ve also confirmed that should it be required, my friend would be happy to provide her account of the evening’s events.

This proves that the school previously dismissing this without investigation was inappropriate, so I must say I’m feeling rather smug right now at this vindication. Given their prompt response, the Governor clearly recognises the reputational impact something like this could have on the school.

Thanks to all those who provided suggestions on how best to proceed (including those who said I should have laughed it off, been flattered etc) - I’ll endeavour to provide a further update once the headteacher concludes their investigation. An impressively prompt response by the Chair - the joys of retirement I guess!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
HuffleMyPuffle · 01/05/2025 20:47

Teanbiscuits33 · 01/05/2025 20:23

There is Zero, Zilch, Nada to say he would say anything to kids. Why are people making things up as they go along? The man made a sexual comment to a woman in a bar for God’s sake, it’s a massive leap to think he would involve kids. An adult man is allowed to find an adult woman attractive, albeit the way he expressed it could have been much, much better. What the fuck has it got to do with kids though!?

According to several posts the fact an adult had adult thoughts about an adult means he's a danger to children

Which is ridiculous

cardibach · 01/05/2025 20:47

Silversixpenny · 01/05/2025 20:38

Did she want to be told this?

Actually, this is irrelvant. He was out of order.

Yes. He was out of order. The vast majority have agreeed this. He even realised it himself.
Explain why it’s anything to do with rape.

Growlybear83 · 01/05/2025 20:48

theworldsacrazycrazymess · 01/05/2025 20:46

No not rapey,

Wildly inappropriate fantasy yes, but please don't suggest it's in anyway the same as being raped.

But it’s not an inappropriate fantasy. It’s probably inappropriate of the teacher to have told the OP about it, but the fantasy itself isn’t inappropriate.

HuffleMyPuffle · 01/05/2025 20:49

LadyJaneBlue · 01/05/2025 20:32

I think institutions often try to side - step their responsibilities when it comes to the out of office behaviors of their staff.

The fact he wanted to "Bend you over a desk" is implicitly a rape fantasy, and not exactly a great character reveal for a school teacher.

The least they could do is talk to him about how this is inappropriate and send him on some kind of 3 day program about what is and what is not appropriate.

No

It's not a rape fantasy

Teanbiscuits33 · 01/05/2025 20:50

HuffleMyPuffle · 01/05/2025 20:47

According to several posts the fact an adult had adult thoughts about an adult means he's a danger to children

Which is ridiculous

I know! I’ve flitted between laughing hysterically at this thread to being annoyed at it because some of the posts are so utterly stupid! 🤣

FairKoala · 01/05/2025 20:51

SophEll · 01/05/2025 18:43

Bloody hell, not this argument again. if teachers don’t want to be subject to complaints then they shouldn’t make a sexually inappropriate comment regarding a school interaction.

It isn’t rocket science.

But it wasn’t a school interaction

Jumpingthruhoops · 01/05/2025 20:51

Growlybear83 · 01/05/2025 20:25

That really is quite a ridiculous assumption! The teacher fantasised about the OP in his workplace, and I’m sure quite a large proportion of us have either had similar fantasies or had actual sexual encounters in our workplaces. It really doesn’t follow that, because I really fancy one of the headteachers I work with and have had the odd fantasy about him, there is the remotest possibility that I will have fantasies about a child!

Except we're not talking about you, are we? We're talking about a male teacher in charge of children who enjoys making inappropriate comments about 'bending people over school desks'.

JayJayEl · 01/05/2025 20:52

Dontlletmedownbruce · 01/05/2025 20:39

I've been following this thread since yesterday and I can't help but remember an incident many years ago. A male friend of mine met a young woman on a night out. She approached him and after a brief flirty chat she asked if they could go back to his. They went to his place and she said some pretty crass stuff. She asked him to do some unconventional sexual stuff, some he went along with and some he didn't want to do. Personally I thought she sounded disgusting. She slept the night and left in the morning without a wash in the same clothes. He told me she was a primary school teacher teaching 5 or 6 yr olds and he got the impression she did this a lot. So I guess my question is, should she have been reported? If for example he had turned her down? It was different in that they didn't know each other before but in many ways it's a similar scenario. I'm wondering if the teacher code of behaviour that many mention would apply to this woman too, it can't just be a male teacher standard.

No, she should not. Sharing sexual fantasies during a one night stand is nowhere near the same as some horrible out of the blue comment. Her going home with your friend and them having sex shows she was comfortable to share stuff in the moment. And your friend felt comfortable in refusing to do some of those things. Unless she forced him to do them anyway then she did nothing wrong. And the "he got the impression she did this a lot" comment...did what a lot? Shared sexual preferences with a sexual partner during a sexual encounter?

HuffleMyPuffle · 01/05/2025 20:53

OonaStubbs · 01/05/2025 20:35

How is "bend you over a desk" implicitly a rape fantasy?

It's not

Growlybear83 · 01/05/2025 20:53

Jumpingthruhoops · 01/05/2025 20:51

Except we're not talking about you, are we? We're talking about a male teacher in charge of children who enjoys making inappropriate comments about 'bending people over school desks'.

But he didn’t make the comment in front of children. He said it to a woman whose child had left the school several years earlier.

HerNeighbourTotoro · 01/05/2025 20:53

LadyJaneBlue · 01/05/2025 20:32

I think institutions often try to side - step their responsibilities when it comes to the out of office behaviors of their staff.

The fact he wanted to "Bend you over a desk" is implicitly a rape fantasy, and not exactly a great character reveal for a school teacher.

The least they could do is talk to him about how this is inappropriate and send him on some kind of 3 day program about what is and what is not appropriate.

It isnt?
Many people have more interesting sex lives that you and it does not mean that everything you dont do/are afraid to do is automatically someone's rape fantasy.

Justmovehousethen · 01/05/2025 20:54

JFC. Inappropriate joke in a bar under the influence of alcohol.

I ran catering at a school event. Lots of teachers were drunk, lots were being crude, do I look at them now and think yuk - yes. Do I want them to be sacked - no. Do I think they can’t teach, shouldn’t teach - no.

Grow up.

HerNeighbourTotoro · 01/05/2025 20:57

Jumpingthruhoops · 01/05/2025 20:51

Except we're not talking about you, are we? We're talking about a male teacher in charge of children who enjoys making inappropriate comments about 'bending people over school desks'.

You would be shocked to find out what some teachers do in (and not only) their bedrooms... 😂

LadyJaneBlue · 01/05/2025 20:58

HuffleMyPuffle · 01/05/2025 20:49

No

It's not a rape fantasy

I want to completely objectify you by "bending you over the desk" and essentially taking you from behind / up the arse.

Ok.

Justmovehousethen · 01/05/2025 20:58

And the fact you feel smug about potentially tarnishing someone’s career, after a fleeting interaction says far more about you, than some prat in a bar.

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 01/05/2025 21:00

Neveragain35 · 01/05/2025 20:01

Completely agree. I really hope this is actually a load of misogynistic pricks trolling MN for a laugh- some of the comments posted towards the OP have been absolutely vile.

I absolutely agree, @Neveragain35 and @TillyTrifle. I can't believe this is the usual MN crowd on here. The comments are disgusting. As for a PP saying, oh when a gentleman in my village said something inappropriate to me, I called him a silly sausage - words fail me. Did we accidentally go back to the 1950s?

cardibach · 01/05/2025 21:02

LadyJaneBlue · 01/05/2025 20:58

I want to completely objectify you by "bending you over the desk" and essentially taking you from behind / up the arse.

Ok.

You are totally sure that no woman likes those sort of activities? That every t8me that sort of act happens it’s rape?

IdaGlossop · 01/05/2025 21:04

Excellent idea. They always love a good sex scandal.

Paedophile pervert's pitch to parent
'I'll do you over desk in circle time'

Mother of three Sophie Wellard got more than she bargained for when she went for a quiet drink at Hello Kitty's on Mouse Street one Wednesday vening last month.

Feeling an eerie presence behind her at the bar, she turned round to find herself face-to-face with Mike Todger, a teacher from her kids' former school.

'I've had my eye on you for years,' slobbered Todger, who was swaying on his feet and reeked of ale. 'Come to school next Tuesday at 2pm, when we have circle time. I can't wait to do all the things I've wanted to do to you since I first set eyes on you at parents' evening. You have no idea.'

The misunderstood MILF was struck dumb. 'It's not how teachers are supposed to behave,' she told Town Times. 'I said to him: "You're right. I have no idea. I've led a sheltered life. But you are in the wrong and I am always right."'

Her friend Primrose Pathe, Sophie's companion for the girls' night out, agreed.

'You're a pervert, child abuser and sheep shagger. Being drunk is no excuse,' she shouted at Todger, 37 years old.

What happened next shows that wokery has gone too far. Primrose dragged the panting pervert to the gents toilet and washed his mouth out with soap. Another punter, who was using the urinal at the time, wedged Primrose into a corner, telling her: 'F*ck off, flossie. You've no business doing your business in the blokes' bog.'

'I'm flabbergasted,' continued Sophie. 'All I wanted was a few white whines with Primrose. Now I find myself a one-woman warrior for upholding standards in the global teaching profession.

'I reported Todger to the school as stage one of my Tassr Todger campaign and they laughed in my face. They refused to do anything about my complaint. It's just not good enough. Following this incident, what I know about trauma isn't worth knowing.'

Wellard continued: 'The head teacher and chair of governors said to me in unison when I bumped into them in Ann Summers on Goody Goody Friday: "If the shit's not on our doorstep, we ain't shovellin' it up."'

Tenacious Wellard is now embarking on the second phase of her Taser Todger campaign, which aims to have the pervert prof added to the Teaching Regulation Agency's list of people prohibited from ever teaching again. 'Like a dog, prohibition isn't just for Christmas. It's for life. And quite right too,' she says.

According to Wellard, there are teachers like Todger in every classroom in Christendom. 'I'm making it my life's work to smoke them out of their holes, every last one of them. If I live to be 115, bringing moral rectitude to classrooms will be the last thing I do. No-one who wants to work with children should be having sexual fantasies.'

Commenting on the latter-day Mary Whitehouse, famous in the 1970s and 1980s for her anti-filth crusades, a spokesperson for the National Education Union, said: 'Our new partnership with Astra Zeneca will ensure teachers have the medication they need to expunge any sexual thoughts from their minds. Nothing could be more important than saving the teaching profession for future generations. The survival of the planet depends on it.'

Town Times contacted Hello Kitty to ask if Wellard had reported the incident. Manager Freddy Fowey told us: 'There nothing in the incident book. Nothing ever happens here, except a few chaps getting handsie. But it is a watering whole after all. It's what you expect.

'The cleaner did say she'd found a pile of porcelain shards in one of the urinals the morning after the alleged incident. I got the missus to glue them back together.'

The school was approached for comment.

You can contribute to Sophie Wellard's Taser Todger campaign at: www.gofundme.com/tasertodger

LadyJaneBlue · 01/05/2025 21:04

cardibach · 01/05/2025 21:02

You are totally sure that no woman likes those sort of activities? That every t8me that sort of act happens it’s rape?

I am not sure of anything except the fact he didn't say

"would you like me to do this"

he said "I've often thought about doing this"

So her consent / desire / willingness to take part is not part of the equation in HIS MIND

theworldsacrazycrazymess · 01/05/2025 21:04

Growlybear83 · 01/05/2025 20:48

But it’s not an inappropriate fantasy. It’s probably inappropriate of the teacher to have told the OP about it, but the fantasy itself isn’t inappropriate.

Quite.

You're right, I meant saying it to her in those terms was inappropriate.

My main beef was the insistence he was rapey. Which is just insulting as the two are miles apart

HuffleMyPuffle · 01/05/2025 21:05

Teanbiscuits33 · 01/05/2025 20:50

I know! I’ve flitted between laughing hysterically at this thread to being annoyed at it because some of the posts are so utterly stupid! 🤣

It's actually infuriating me now

He made an inappropriate comment
But he's been called a rapist and a pedophile

Which is just trivialising those actions

Helloworlditsmeagain · 01/05/2025 21:06

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 01/05/2025 21:00

I absolutely agree, @Neveragain35 and @TillyTrifle. I can't believe this is the usual MN crowd on here. The comments are disgusting. As for a PP saying, oh when a gentleman in my village said something inappropriate to me, I called him a silly sausage - words fail me. Did we accidentally go back to the 1950s?

Women are just as sleazy as men when talking dirty. It's on an equal footing now. Would you prefer us all to go back to the 50's where women knew their place was at home slaving away for her husband rather than out in the nightclub.

LadyJaneBlue · 01/05/2025 21:07

HuffleMyPuffle · 01/05/2025 21:05

It's actually infuriating me now

He made an inappropriate comment
But he's been called a rapist and a pedophile

Which is just trivialising those actions

Saying something "verges on rape fantasy"

is quite different to naming someone as a rapist. Or can you not perceive the differences here?

JasperTheDoll · 01/05/2025 21:07

cardibach · 01/05/2025 21:02

You are totally sure that no woman likes those sort of activities? That every t8me that sort of act happens it’s rape?

I think a lot of people on here must have very boring vanilla sex lives, apart from teachers obviously who are all sexual degenerates. Something tells me it more likely to be their husbands that are porn obsessed and not those who aren't praising the OP.

Teanbiscuits33 · 01/05/2025 21:07

LadyJaneBlue · 01/05/2025 21:04

I am not sure of anything except the fact he didn't say

"would you like me to do this"

he said "I've often thought about doing this"

So her consent / desire / willingness to take part is not part of the equation in HIS MIND

It wasn’t real though!! In his mind, he could have easily imagined she was willing! When I have sexual thoughts, I imagine a man being willing. Why does it have to equate to rape? You don’t know what someone else thought in their own mind, you’re assuming and looking for a reason to be outraged. This thread is absolute lunacy 🤣

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