Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Update

[SophEll]

I have debated whether to post this update but I promised I would in the previous thread (www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5325717-disgusted-by-schools-response-to-complaint-about-pervy-teacher) and I’m someone who keeps their word.

I have had an acknowledgment of my email to the Chair of Governors who assures me they will ensure my previous correspondence with the school will be personally overseen by the Headteacher as opposed to the senior member of staff who replied previously.

The Governor has understandably explained that the school cannot share the details of any internal disciplinary action, but has assured me the head teacher will provide me with a further response in due course, and asked me to provide my contact number. I’ve also confirmed that should it be required, my friend would be happy to provide her account of the evening’s events.

This proves that the school previously dismissing this without investigation was inappropriate, so I must say I’m feeling rather smug right now at this vindication. Given their prompt response, the Governor clearly recognises the reputational impact something like this could have on the school.

Thanks to all those who provided suggestions on how best to proceed (including those who said I should have laughed it off, been flattered etc) - I’ll endeavour to provide a further update once the headteacher concludes their investigation. An impressively prompt response by the Chair - the joys of retirement I guess!

@SilversixpennyI’ve been teaching mainstream for 18 odd years. I cannot recall the last time this document has been mentioned or even obliquely referenced at work. I think there might have been an hour on it on the PGCE back in 2005.

I’ve never even seen a hard copy or been asked to read or sign it.*

It exists just as lip service… for ‘try not to do anything too outrageous out of hours’. If you’re not directly involved with education, it’s easy to imagine these rules have a lot of sway or significance. They don’t.

*I’m willing to bet most teachers will say the same thing,

I didn't say it equated to rape.

I said it "verges on rape fantasy"

do you not understand the difference?

Except lady Jane you don't know he thinks that, you've made the assumption.

He was drunk, quite drunk by OP's own admission, have you never said something completely stupid, thoughtless, callous when drunk?

You have no idea if this man would say such a thing sober, you don't know this man at all.youvr branded him rapey based on a comment from mums net from a woman who may or may not have also been drunk and may not have quoted him word for word.

Do you not understand that you can’t possibly know what another human is thinking?

I have based this entirely on what OP has said. No assumptions beyond that.

The personal attacks and insults against the OP throughout these threads are appalling. Disagree and discuss by all means. Calling the OP names the rudeness not okay at all.

except when he says

"I have OFTEN THOUGHT ABOUT DOING THIS TO YOU"

hum.

So many morons.

Absolutely. His comment was vile, but to equate it to a rape fantasy is abhorrent, and diminishes the utter soul and life-destroying impact actual rape has on us survivors. It's incredibly offensive.

He doesn’t say, ‘I’ve often thought about doing this to you whether you like it or not’ though, does he?

Sorry did OP say, that he said I want to bend you over a desk and take you from behind, don't remember her saying that.

But as soon as you mention the word rape or its derivatives, can you blame people for thinking your suggesting he's a would be rapist.

It's an inflammatory word, for a despicable act. And it should not be thrown around

"Morons"? You're making an absolute fucking mockery of the seriousness of rape. What he said was inappropriate sexual harassment.

Haven't rtft but i must be bonkers as i think that the OP was totally correct to report the creep.

But also is the suggestion that this man is awful a sexual predator, etc etc... based on a quite drunk comment OP's words.

We don't know him or anything about him, he could be those things yes, he could also be a nice man, who got far more drunk than he should and said ridiculous things.

I

Give me strength 🤯

No it isn't it was said in a club and then they went their separate ways. False accusations is a criminal offence.

How on earth have you read vindication into acknowledgement of your email and an undertaking to look into a matter but not necessarily communicate the outcome with you?

And how does this prove that the way the school previously dealt with your email was inappropriate? What if this investigation shows that it was, in fact, entirely appropriate?

I think your smugness is premature. But, now that this is all over Mumsnet, you're bound to get a completely different (although not necessarily provably sincere) reply than if you'd not. So well done on that front, I suppose?

1. Rape means non consensual, there's no implications of non consent here
2. Many women like this position, it's quite a common one
3. It doesn't have to be anal
4. Implying a sex act you don't like is rape is trivialising

@JayJayEl the "he got the impression she did this a lot" comment...did what a lot? Shared sexual preferences with a sexual partner during a sexual encounter?

No, i meant approaching men in pubs on a school night and asking them to go home with her. Then asking if he would do certain acts (which IMO was pretty gross fwiw). I don't think she asked this until they were either at his or on their way, so I get it's not the same scenario. However if she had told him what she wanted him to do while in the pub before he consented to leaving with her, this would be very similar. I'm just questioning if this would be deemed inappropriate for a teacher, that's going only on some comments here that the behaviour of a teacher can be held to a higher standard than another job. If male teachers have to uphold a certain standard then the same goes for females.

That's what I've been saying.
Do catch up.

I don't believe that a consensual one night stand should have any impact whatsoever on a person's profession. Some one night stands lead to a relationship, some lead to marriage, some stick to just that one night. Is a teacher allowed to have one one night stand? Three? Twenty? Zero?

It's one thing if he'd said 'I always had a bit of a thing for you' to say he imagined 'bending you over his desk' when he met you at parents night.

When someone says they want to bend someone over a desk, they are not taking into account consent.

Consent is something that is taught to teens these days, they're told to ask if things they want to do are ok, permitted etc.

Is there anyone else on the thread who cares to join me in the 21st century?

No you haven't. You've equated it to rape. That's the offensive part.

(On a separate note, you are incredibly rude.)

I did not EQUATE anything to rape.

Please re-read and try again. If you are in need of reading comprehension skills that prevent this, then good luck to you.