Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Update

[SophEll]

I have debated whether to post this update but I promised I would in the previous thread (www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5325717-disgusted-by-schools-response-to-complaint-about-pervy-teacher) and I’m someone who keeps their word.

I have had an acknowledgment of my email to the Chair of Governors who assures me they will ensure my previous correspondence with the school will be personally overseen by the Headteacher as opposed to the senior member of staff who replied previously.

The Governor has understandably explained that the school cannot share the details of any internal disciplinary action, but has assured me the head teacher will provide me with a further response in due course, and asked me to provide my contact number. I’ve also confirmed that should it be required, my friend would be happy to provide her account of the evening’s events.

This proves that the school previously dismissing this without investigation was inappropriate, so I must say I’m feeling rather smug right now at this vindication. Given their prompt response, the Governor clearly recognises the reputational impact something like this could have on the school.

Thanks to all those who provided suggestions on how best to proceed (including those who said I should have laughed it off, been flattered etc) - I’ll endeavour to provide a further update once the headteacher concludes their investigation. An impressively prompt response by the Chair - the joys of retirement I guess!

Why not fast-tack things, @SophEll No need to wait for the head to reply to you. The Teachers Regulation Agency investigates 'conduct that is fundamentally incompatible with being a teacher'. If you're lucky, that conduct will include 'expressing while in a state of inebriation, on premises other than those of the school and outside standard working hours, a desire to have sexual intercourse with a mild sub-dom vibe with a former parent of either biological sex on school premises in a way which defiles school property'.

You will find the process here. https://www.gov.uk/guidance/teacher-misconduct-regulating-the-teaching-profession Bridget Phillips on has cleared her diary.

It’s sexually aggressive - you may be fine with it and that’s great for you - many women would not be. The OP was not. I would not be. Stop shaming women for having different standards than you.

I expect the HT and COG have more important matters to give their attention to such as next year's budget.

I recall from the last thread that you were going to write to the local papers as well, OP. Have you done that yet?

Jesus, some of you women make me fear for humanity. Such internalised misogyny, it’s disgusting, shame on you all.
I’m sure there will be something in the education departments code of conduct or the teaching guidelines or similar about not bringing your organisation into disrepute. I’m a social worker and i could be fired for making racist or homophobic or similar comments in public or online. People who work in these fields are supposed to hold to a particular value system.

As a teacher, I agree.

I don't think much will come of it but I'd expect there will be a conversation.

@SophEll just shared your story with my DH, he reminded me of the very naughty comment made to me by an older gentleman in our village a couple of weeks ago. At the time I laughed it off and called him a silly sausage as I know him fairly well but now I am thinking I had better complain to the DWP to get his pension stopped, and perhaps speak to the Police to see if he can be put on house arrest so he can’t go about making suggestive comments to other females 🙄

I feel sad that this male teacher is being judged by you, in this manner, for his behaviour on a night out when he was probably trying hard to take a break from what is an incredibly demanding role.

Yeah, you know what, @darksideofthestudio? When I'm trying hard to take a break from my incredibly demanding role, I find that the best way to do it is to make offensive remarks to people I know via my workplace. Works a treat.

What? He's made racist and homophobic comments? As a teacher he could definitely be fired for that.

I feel sad that this male teacher is being judged by you, in this manner, for his behaviour on a night out when he was probably trying hard to take a break from what is an incredibly demanding role.

Do you know what? There are many ways of taking a break from an incredibly demanding role that don't involve making sexually inappropriate comments to parents.

Ultimately, OP, the teacher is human and even if he did fancy you and had secret sexual thoughts about you when he saw you at parents evening, did you ever feel uneasy around him? Did he ever make advances towards you in the classroom? If not, then that would suggest that despite having very natural human desires, he is able to keep his thoughts private in that context, and therefore he is unlikely to act on any sexual thoughts he has about a parent in the future, and there is nothing to suggest your child watching was part of his fantasy.

Yes, he shouldn’t have verbalised his fantasy to you in the bar, it was very inappropriate, but people lose their inhibitions when drunk and say daft things that come out of their mouth before they’ve had chance to stop themselves. He’s just a human. Women can be just as bad at times. Most of us have said things when drunk to people we find attractive, or fancied someone we met through work.

You keep using hyperbole like ‘not wanting others to go through what you have or ‘endure this at the hands of this man’. You’re making him out to be a predator, when there is absolutely no evidence of that.

That’s if we assume his fantasy was actually real, and he hasn’t just said it in the moment hoping to get you in bed.

They will not tell you the ‘outcome’. They’ll let you know it’s been dealt with under their procedures and close it.

Hopefully they’ll have a word with him. End of.

Oh dear. What kind of men do you surround yourself with? Are your partner, brothers, friends like this too? This really isn’t great behaviour to minimise.

A cultural shift in expectations is needed for many women here.

'People lose their inhibitions when drunk and say daft things that come out of their mouth before they’ve had chance to stop themselves. He’s just a human. Women can be just as bad at times.'

And for all of time, this is how men's appalling behaviour has been minimised.

Not much of a sisterhood on MN, it turns out

I said ‘people’ not men.

No that’s not what I’m saying, I was citing a potential parallel example of bringing your workplace into disrepute by undermining their core values. Mysogyny and rape culture is not something a representative of the education department should be endorsing.

No

It's not

Acting like it is is minimising actual harassment

I'm a teacher and my schools code of conduct explicity states that my behaviour outside of school must not bring the school into disrepute. Then it actually goes further to state that I should avoid socialising with parents and in particular situations where I would be consuming alcohol with parents. As well as something about forming a new relationship with a parent (something like that implying I shouldn't date the parents). Anyway, I'm almost certain at my school he would be disciplined for this.

I’m not saying I agree with this, but homophobic and racist remarks are potentially hate crimes. Misogyny is not treated the same way.
Maybe the OP could use her crusading zeal to address that?

She wasn’t a parent of a school pupil at the time of the incident.

It's interesting we don't get to vote on this one😅

and repeat ad infinitum.
she’s not a parent. She was a parent years ago.

There's a very big difference between IN the classroom and after school, at home

Or do you think teachers shouldn't have sexual thoughts at any time?

God, you have a bizarre idea of chatting someone up.

It's been said already on here, but it's depressing what low standards some women have.

I'm not the one shaming women

Expressing a sexual desire is not sexually aggressive