Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Update

[SophEll]

I have debated whether to post this update but I promised I would in the previous thread (www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5325717-disgusted-by-schools-response-to-complaint-about-pervy-teacher) and I’m someone who keeps their word.

I have had an acknowledgment of my email to the Chair of Governors who assures me they will ensure my previous correspondence with the school will be personally overseen by the Headteacher as opposed to the senior member of staff who replied previously.

The Governor has understandably explained that the school cannot share the details of any internal disciplinary action, but has assured me the head teacher will provide me with a further response in due course, and asked me to provide my contact number. I’ve also confirmed that should it be required, my friend would be happy to provide her account of the evening’s events.

This proves that the school previously dismissing this without investigation was inappropriate, so I must say I’m feeling rather smug right now at this vindication. Given their prompt response, the Governor clearly recognises the reputational impact something like this could have on the school.

Thanks to all those who provided suggestions on how best to proceed (including those who said I should have laughed it off, been flattered etc) - I’ll endeavour to provide a further update once the headteacher concludes their investigation. An impressively prompt response by the Chair - the joys of retirement I guess!

Yeah her sister in law's is much worse

It’s totally unacceptable and I don’t understand why you’re being given a hard time on here. I’m a teacher and wouldn’t dream of making a comment like that.

What you have “endured”?

Why stop with the Chair of Governors, @op?

Why not go the whole hog and sue? It might go some way to paying for the counselling you clearly need for your considerable trauma.

As a teacher, this does not feel like a difficult behaviour to avoid.

Making life uncomfortable means stuff like reporting them to the employer. Telling them to fuck off just gives them something to have a laugh about and they know they have been successful in ‘getting to’ a woman.

It was a typo. I can’t remember what for, but something like grim, or stupid or similar. You think saying he should be told to fuck off is minimising? Wow. I tend to save that for fairly egregious behaviour lapses, but you do you.

That's a shame.

The days of dropping my handkerchief and expecting someone else to pick it up are long in the past thank fuck.

As an adult woman I lm equal to everyone else and can bat a sleezy advance off with my eyes shut. I'm no "victim" and I'd report it if I felt unsafe or threatened. This guy followed up his shite statement with "joking" and scuttled off, talk about a storm in a teacup

BTW, through work, I've seen drunk women behave absolutely atrociously towards men

Groping, making lewd comments, smacking their asses, inviting them back

I think it's time we stopped acting like being grossly inappropriate was a purely male past time because it's quite frankly a harmful attitude

And I agree that women need to be empowered to tell men to fuck off because they need to shown that men have no power over them and that we are not weak creatures who will fall apart and break down at their lecherous attitude

Well neither would I. And nobody has said it was ok. She’s getting a hard time because of her ridiculous escalating complaints about something that really isn’t the school’s job to sort and for which she has zero evidence.

My guess is that they will respond with after further investigation no action is being taken.

It isn't proportionate to report a man to his employer for making an inappropriate comment if it isn't said at work. We have to fight our own battles.

Sue 🤣🤣🤣

I haven’t laughed so much at a thread for ages! @SophEll would definitely go down that road if she could!

But the OP will never know what the school has done.

No

Telling them to fuck off shows that you aren't some weak creature who will scuttle away in fear and have to get an adult to deal with the situation

It humiliates them in front of their friends who might then point out how crap the line was

It shows you are not a push over

Im afraid just because you can maintain your standards doesn’t mean everyone has to maintain your standards
teachers are allowed to go about their daily business when not in school

teachers do not have to act as others would wish them every second they are out of the house just incase an ex parent spots them.

Of course not
The teacher did nothing illegal

The school cannot give the teacher a warning or admonish him for this. It was outside of school and not illegal.

I think calling posters Andrew Tate is the MN equivalent of calling people Nazis tbh

The bloke is obviously a loser. End of story.

But OP, you seem to be frothing at the mouth to take him and the school down and gleeful in retelling it like some tabloid newspaper.

Reporting him isn’t that bad, maybe even makes sense, but the way you’re parading it to the Mumsnet audience with your self-righteous smugness makes you come across like an attention seeking bellend.

I was talking about sexual harassment with my MIL and said that when I was a student in London several times men had taken the opportunity to rub their erections against me on a crowded tube, and I just kind of froze and did nothing. And she asked why I hadn't just been more assertive and shouted at them, and I suppose she was just thinking of her own assertive self, and me as an older adult, but of course I was at the time a fresh faced out of towner, and it wasn't that simple. We shouldn't rely on women to slap down men, because that doesn't help everyone, and maybe it just changes their targets to those who are less likely to tell them to fuck off. And in fact now I know a number of damaged teenage girls who would in fact be almost flattered by that, because their boundaries are flattened by their experiences.
I know by the way that this is not at all the same level as that, and in fact I would concentrate more on the unprofessional conduct here more than the unwanted sexual attention. But I can't help but think of it when I read some of these responses.

You can’t call someone mysogynistic alongside calling someone a Karen.

Thinking more about it OP might even get a reply along the lines of
"As per our previous email, this is not a matter we can deal with. This matter remains closed. Further contact will be considered harassment"

Yep - I was absolutely ridiculed for a thread I started about a primary school teacher's method of behaviour management that just didn't sit right with me. And yes, personally blamed for all the teachers leaving the profession!

It was part of a wider issue and in a meeting with the headteacher, I reluctantly mentioned it - he was pretty horrified and assured me that the teacher should not have said what they did.

I also know that I wasn't the only parent with complaints about the teacher - one has actually had the LA involved.

And reading between the lines of things that have been said in other meetings I have had, I think the teacher is likely to be receiving additional training.

Where's the YABU button?