Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Update

[SophEll]

I have debated whether to post this update but I promised I would in the previous thread (www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5325717-disgusted-by-schools-response-to-complaint-about-pervy-teacher) and I’m someone who keeps their word.

I have had an acknowledgment of my email to the Chair of Governors who assures me they will ensure my previous correspondence with the school will be personally overseen by the Headteacher as opposed to the senior member of staff who replied previously.

The Governor has understandably explained that the school cannot share the details of any internal disciplinary action, but has assured me the head teacher will provide me with a further response in due course, and asked me to provide my contact number. I’ve also confirmed that should it be required, my friend would be happy to provide her account of the evening’s events.

This proves that the school previously dismissing this without investigation was inappropriate, so I must say I’m feeling rather smug right now at this vindication. Given their prompt response, the Governor clearly recognises the reputational impact something like this could have on the school.

Thanks to all those who provided suggestions on how best to proceed (including those who said I should have laughed it off, been flattered etc) - I’ll endeavour to provide a further update once the headteacher concludes their investigation. An impressively prompt response by the Chair - the joys of retirement I guess!

In a nutshell.
And the comment about being ‘smug’ was nauseating in the extreme.

I see you have responded that you were a teacher.

I find it extraordinary how much teachers defend each other. I encourage people to complain about poor practice in the NHS as only then will poor behaviour be addressed and standards improve. Whereas teachers band together defensively. It’s really quite odd.

She said herself she was smug in the first thread.

How about men learn not to behave like this in the first place?

Can you point out where I’ve defended him please?

Um, no it wasn't. I'm a former teacher and think you're being vindictive.and completely over the top.

I also don't believe your update.

Do you not thin’ being told firmly that their behaviour isn’t attractive and is totally inappropriate would be a good first step in teaching them not to behave like this?

No. They need consequences.

Really odd behaviour.
Obviously it was wrong but there is no need for all this drama.
I would have just told him to fuck off personally.

You're paraphrasing wrong

He never said he was thinking that whilst at parents evening

I have a general question. I am reasonably new to Mumsnet.

I see so many comments from women saying that they want to give up work after they have children and be reliant on their male partner instead. And also women minimising disgusting behaviour from men.

Has MN always been like this? It seems to be a different place to what I had imagined!

Omg please just stop

It was one comment. Which he realised was a mistake.

He did not actively then pursue you, harass you or in any way assault you

Unlike your harassment and stalking

its been said a hundred times on this thread and the other one, but no, not just for saying something. He doesn’t have a right to tell the op how he viewed the op sexually while interacting with her as a teacher and a parent respectively, and it doesn’t matter where he is when he makes that reference or what time it is or what he had for dinner. If I said I had shared confidential information about a multi billon dollar deal my company was doing, but it was in the pub, would you be fine with that? Because I’d be fired, and so would you if you were hr and saying it’s fine. It’s a really explicitly black and white breach of multiple policies and clearly immediate termination. This is equally clear, but probably warning level not termination.

Being told to fuck off and not getting the desired shag is a consequence.

As I said, not all women feel empowered to do this at the time with a drunk man in a bar. Which is completely fair enough. It is not the victim’s role to have to teach a creepy man how to behave.

Being told to fuck off is the reaction they are after. They want to wind the woman up. This is not a true quest for intimacy. Like wolf-whistling, it is an aggressive comment designed to show power and intended to humiliate. A woman giving a reaction like that is exactly what they are after for goodness sake.

As if teaching kids isn’t hard enough without spending your entire life having to uphold the required standards of ex parents for your entire life.

Personally id say OPs behaviour is judgey and bordering on obsessive.

Who would want to be a teacher these days !

That’s not even close to the situation here bits related to your current work. This is unrelated to current work and put nobody and nothing at risk. Yes, it was vile and inappropriate but that doesn’t make it anything remotely like your eg.

They might have already done this

But OP won't know

Because, like she's been told by the governors, she has no right to

100%

Maybe OPs kid got detentions and not the A grades mum wanted. 🤣🤣🤣
gotta get your own back some way 🤣

In this case I think you are wrong. He realised very quickly he was wrong, backed down and left.

I don’t agree. I think it was an inappropriate comment and warranted him being told to fuck off. But when he voiced the thought it wasn’t in a teacher to parent capacity. It was in bar after he’d had a drink, and he immediately retracted it. I think legally the school would be on dodgy ground taking disciplinary action.

Some men are learning. It's the ones who aren't that we need to stand up to. Every time we make life really uncomfortable for them increases the chance that they'll keep their mouthes shut in future.

Well, your whole tone is minimising really! With comments like this, ‘It was a stuff remark that warranted a strong ‘fuck off’ and that’s all’ although I don’t know what ‘stuff’ means here.

Ye

It's not

It's a cheap line to try and get them into bed

Not humiliate or embarrass them