Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Update

[SophEll]

I have debated whether to post this update but I promised I would in the previous thread (www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5325717-disgusted-by-schools-response-to-complaint-about-pervy-teacher) and I’m someone who keeps their word.

I have had an acknowledgment of my email to the Chair of Governors who assures me they will ensure my previous correspondence with the school will be personally overseen by the Headteacher as opposed to the senior member of staff who replied previously.

The Governor has understandably explained that the school cannot share the details of any internal disciplinary action, but has assured me the head teacher will provide me with a further response in due course, and asked me to provide my contact number. I’ve also confirmed that should it be required, my friend would be happy to provide her account of the evening’s events.

This proves that the school previously dismissing this without investigation was inappropriate, so I must say I’m feeling rather smug right now at this vindication. Given their prompt response, the Governor clearly recognises the reputational impact something like this could have on the school.

Thanks to all those who provided suggestions on how best to proceed (including those who said I should have laughed it off, been flattered etc) - I’ll endeavour to provide a further update once the headteacher concludes their investigation. An impressively prompt response by the Chair - the joys of retirement I guess!

Ahhh

"You don't agree with me so you must be a man"

Frankly one of the most anti-women sentiments on MN

Redoing my earlier post as I got muddled!

If I as a nurse bumped into an ex patient’s family member (that I had met and liaised with while their family member was in my care) on a night out and said, 'I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I would quite rightly be in serious trouble!

If I was that drunk that I was likely to make a fool out of myself (or say something really vile which I wouldn’t) I wouldn’t be talking to people’s family members.

Do you not understand that these men are doing it for a reaction? They are not doing it because they think the woman is going to fall in love with them and leap into bed.

Ah jeez

You said that much more succinctly than me in all my waffling 🤣

Op is the maiden 🤣

I don’t think women like you will really ever understand. You are in the majority on this thread. It is so depressing. Anyway, good on you on being so assertive and being able to deal with anything a creepy man says to you. Have a medal.

That’s ok.

How is he bringing the school down? He is damaging his own reputation by being a sleaze but it has nothing to do with the school. What is the end goal here? He gets the sack? I don’t get it. What he said was disgusting but I still can’t see what it has to do with his employer.

The daughter I gestated and supported to be strong enough to tell dickheads to fuck off would disagree. I’ve reported, by the way. Calling me Andrew Tate and a man is definitely a personal attack. I’m telling you myself that it’s inappropriate too though - because that’s what adults do.

So it did not happen at school, and does not involve students.

Nope. I really cannot work out why the school are not interested 😂

On the previous thread there were actual victim of actual sexual assault saying OP was being ridiculous

Mm
You think because someone disagrees with you they must be a man

Well
cardibach has been on mumsnet for a long time. I spot them posting regularly and
i might be wrong here but they are a woman and a teacher.
@cardibach

Again - last thread 2817 voted and 90% said the OP was unreasonable.

Fall in love? No.
Have a ONS? Probably, given context.

I completely agree. I’ve spent the last 25 years working with schools and governors dealing with formal complaints and this is exactly the type of holding response most chairs I’ve worked with would send to a parent like you. He/she will recognise you for the bitter and vindictive person that you clearly are, and in due course you will receive a reply to confirm that the teacher’s remark in a social setting outside school had nothing to do with his role inside the school.

My daughter is 17 and I can’t see her and her friends all being so assertive and telling a lecherous man to fuck off. I am in my 50s and would have zero issue dealing with this man. But not all women feel so enabled. They may feel vulnerable, scared, not yet developed the skills in dealing with this kind of situation etc. They are not the issue here.

And I work in mental health and see many women who would not cope well in this situation. It could trigger all kinds of feelings for them because of their past experiences.

It doesn't have to be illegal to be misconduct.
And he was the one who made it about professional standards by directly referencing a work activity.

I think that if there were other dodgy things being reported it would help build a picture but if it were a one-off and no dodgy things at school then likely to be forgotten about.

What I am wondering about here, though, is that I used to get comments like this constantly when I went out, and sometimes when just out and about and so the men weren't drunk - I used to ignore, it was water off a ducks back - and I am guessing this isn't the first time you have had to endure inappropriate comments, and what I am wondering is do you find yourself reporting things of this ilk a lot? If I had reported everything - including the odd totally inappropriate comments from bosses - I would have been in a permanent state of reporting which would have been very stressful. It was much easier (for me) to ignore.

Or have you distinguished this case because he was a teacher, and so you normally ignore but because he spends time around children you think it should be reported? I am being genuine here by the way, not being snarky. Because even then, you think about teachers' personal lives, where do you draw the line? There is a lot of what I would call pretty gross or misogynistic/gross behaviour out there which falls within "normal".

So what?

You are correct. Though I’ve retired now. Thanks.

Why thank you

Yes I'm pleased I'm able to handle situations appropriately and report them when necessary.

I do hope you don't mind my matching your comment on being very depressed that your world appears to be black and white with zero nuances.

But hey we're all different so you just jeep being you

Not that much in all honesty. If you weren’t bothered about what happened to the teacher as you now claim, you wouldn’t have complained in the first place. You have been ridiculous throughout.

Ok. Not a felicitous choice of words. But to pounce on that as being worse than what the man said is... insert terminology we can all agree on here.

Speaking to men when they make unwanted sexual comments is a learned skill. I agree it's hard when you're young but that's not a reason for not doing it. The irony is that the comments are likely to diminish as your confidence in answering back increases.

No doubt there’ll be another unbelievable from update soon, saying the headteacher has investigated and they are so so sorry it was mishandled and the teacher will be reprimanded. (All while being total bull and laughing at OP in the staff room).

Don’t get me wrong, as with the majority, he shouldn’t have done it and it’s nasty that he did, but it still isn’t a school matter.