Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Update

[SophEll]

I have debated whether to post this update but I promised I would in the previous thread (www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5325717-disgusted-by-schools-response-to-complaint-about-pervy-teacher) and I’m someone who keeps their word.

I have had an acknowledgment of my email to the Chair of Governors who assures me they will ensure my previous correspondence with the school will be personally overseen by the Headteacher as opposed to the senior member of staff who replied previously.

The Governor has understandably explained that the school cannot share the details of any internal disciplinary action, but has assured me the head teacher will provide me with a further response in due course, and asked me to provide my contact number. I’ve also confirmed that should it be required, my friend would be happy to provide her account of the evening’s events.

This proves that the school previously dismissing this without investigation was inappropriate, so I must say I’m feeling rather smug right now at this vindication. Given their prompt response, the Governor clearly recognises the reputational impact something like this could have on the school.

Thanks to all those who provided suggestions on how best to proceed (including those who said I should have laughed it off, been flattered etc) - I’ll endeavour to provide a further update once the headteacher concludes their investigation. An impressively prompt response by the Chair - the joys of retirement I guess!

Not all women feel comfortable to do that at the time. The responsibility lies with the perverted man alone.

and plenty of people have said that his behaviour was just drunken banter, not that bad, clumsy, him being a bit of a dick. Completely minimising it.

For saying something to another adult in an adult setting? Everyone has a right to a private life. Yes, this guy used his to be a dick, but the principle remains.

Of course OP has the right to approach the school. What needs to be considered in context, though, is whether the approach is a proportionate response to what happened.

Which equates to a warning about his future conduct, in other words. Which would hopefully
mean no other unexpecting parents have to endure a similar experience in the future.

It’s not acceptable. Nobody has said it’s acceptable. It would be best dealt with by the OP telling him to fuck off. In the event she didn’t have to as he realised it was inappropriate immediately by saying he was joking and then backed off.

I'm wondering actually. When we had complaints in the workplace the "accused" was suspended on full pay pending an investigation.

At times the person was found 'innocent', and the complainant on occasion made the accusation maliciously, the problem being that when the person who was investigated came back to work with a clean record, the rumours that there's no smoke without fire meant that they ended up leaving anyway, very unfair. But it was process. It could be different here as the complainant isn't a work colleague though. Op had every right to complain if she felt it appropriate. I strongly disagree that it was an official matter though, but it's not my call

Context is important here too. The remark could never be excused, but if he came up out of the blue and said it, it's a lot worse than her and her friend chatting for a few minutes with him and him drunkinly and crassly saying thinking he was being flirty🙄🙄...he left straight away after her friend said excuse me, so he seemed to get that he'd been a dick.

Folk are all shades of grey and not every single thing deserves "reporting".

No - I don't enjoy being cat called and wolf whistled. I have big boobs and they get a lot of very unwelcome attention. I also don't like being told to 'smile love' and I call out harassment and misogyny when I experience it or see it in real life.

But I also know that late at night in a bar a lot of men and women are looking for intimacy - whether that's a potential relationship for some or just casual sex.

Any pick up / chat up line that didn't work for me I'd just tell them no. Or let them know it was an awful thing to say and get them to bugger off.

How is this is any way similar?

It's high time women who don't feel comfortable speaking out learn to do so. We're long past the age of maidens being rescued by knights in shining armour when faced by dragons.

You're being unreasonable, OP, but you clearly know and just don't care.

It isn't. There was actual sex, not fantasising about it. There was a pupil-teacher relationship.The pupil was probably a minor.

No, they don’t. But I’m sure many say things equally inappropriate but are just told to fuck off and it’s left. As should have happened in this case. People’s totally legal behaviour in their private lives should not be policed whatever their profession. Can you, for eg, link one case of an NHS worker being reprimanded/sacked for something said in a bar?

With a comment to the teacher of "look, just be careful what you say on a night out

In this case, I would think this would be a proportionate response from the school. Doing nothing isn’t.

I’m retired. I was a teacher for 35 years. Why?

Nope. And actually, the OP didn’t even need to tell this one to fuck off. He fucked off all by himself having realised he’d said something grim.

Not really. It’s not a ‘warning’ in the sense of a professional warning. And ‘endured’? A guy made a horrible comment, retracted it and walked away.

Referencing it is unprofessional, whether it was true or not. I'm not saying it calls into question his fitness to work with children, nor a referral to the TRA. I'm saying it was very clearly unprofessional, and I'm not sure being drunk ìs a reasonable excuse for that.

Well I don’t think cases of somebody being reprimanded by their line manager would make the national press. In my trust I know both nurses and doctors who have had incidents at this level being raised in their annual appraisal. I have not once said that this teacher should be sacked.

Are you a teacher?

Perverts everywhere must rejoice with women like you minimising their lewd behaviour!

Gosh, the teacher in question seems to have a lot of aliases on here

But they won’t have done nothing. OPs first email would have prompted a quiet word with the teacher informally, and even if they didn’t speak to him, OP wouldn’t know either way, would she? She’s taking their word for it. Going to the governors suggests OP wants more than than that for all she’s had to ‘endure’ and ‘go through’ what a bloody drama Llama making a mountain out of it. I know one or two people like her and nobody likes them! 🤣🤯

Hahaha wtf, your SIL sounds like a charmer 😂

And the difference is he was a teacher to her child and also referenced how he wanted to bend her over the desk when she came to see him for parent evenings and yet you claim it has nothing to do with his job.

Retired. I was for 35 years. People have a right to do non-illegal stuff that some don’t like in their private lives.

The comment was to show that 30 years apart it was happening

And you obviously didn't look very hard because there are always stories in the papers which come up

But that doesn't fit your narrative

Can you point out where I’ve minimised it please?