Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Update

[SophEll]

I have debated whether to post this update but I promised I would in the previous thread (www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5325717-disgusted-by-schools-response-to-complaint-about-pervy-teacher) and I’m someone who keeps their word.

I have had an acknowledgment of my email to the Chair of Governors who assures me they will ensure my previous correspondence with the school will be personally overseen by the Headteacher as opposed to the senior member of staff who replied previously.

The Governor has understandably explained that the school cannot share the details of any internal disciplinary action, but has assured me the head teacher will provide me with a further response in due course, and asked me to provide my contact number. I’ve also confirmed that should it be required, my friend would be happy to provide her account of the evening’s events.

This proves that the school previously dismissing this without investigation was inappropriate, so I must say I’m feeling rather smug right now at this vindication. Given their prompt response, the Governor clearly recognises the reputational impact something like this could have on the school.

Thanks to all those who provided suggestions on how best to proceed (including those who said I should have laughed it off, been flattered etc) - I’ll endeavour to provide a further update once the headteacher concludes their investigation. An impressively prompt response by the Chair - the joys of retirement I guess!

Because she’s not his ex pupil. That would be grim. She’s the mother of his ex pupil. There is no professional relationship or relationship of trust/power between them.

I think for people like you this behaviour is normalised. Perhaps you are surrounded by men who behave like this. And you also make lewd comments when drunk. . That’s why you describe it as him just being a ‘bit of a dick’ and his comment ‘not that bad’.

I think he is disgusting and his behaviour is appalling. I know my husband and young adult son and daughter would agree.

and you are asking a woman to contact a creepy man who has made a comment like that to her? Why should she? What about her safety? What a piece of advice.

Not all men behave in this way and some have respect for women. Raise your bar.

We need to have zero tolerance for this kind of behaviour. I find it depressing how little has changed and how many women think this is all just banter.

Do they? What in tha5 letter makes you think they see it as very serious? (Given it’s not)

OP - I notice that you didn't enable voting buttons on this second thread but it's worth remembering that on your other thread 2817 people voted and 90% thought you were being unreasonable.

Nobody thinks it OK. The majority think the OP could have called him out on it at the time but in the event he just walked away. It wasn't a campaign of harassment and it's nothing to do with the school.

I’ll endeavour to provide a further update once the headteacher concludes their investigation

I dont think anyone is that interested in your campaign to be bothered in the result to be honest.

The OP is getting rather carried away. Next stop the Supreme Court.

So, an anecdotes from a person on MN that there are...two? And a claim its in the paper 'regularly'? That's your evidence, and you find it frustrating that I don't accept that makes it 'very common'? How many incidences in 2024 for example? How does this compare with the figures for male teachers, for perspective?

It’s about degree. In most cases you would never know if someone made a bit of a pervy remark in a nightclub as most people would just tell the person to fuck off. And being drunk when off duty isn’t unprofessional anyway.

He didn't say "I'd like to have sex with you", he said, and I am paraphrasing, but still "While I was meeting you in my professional capacity I was fantasising about having sex with you". I think there's a difference in terms of professional conduct.

OP I think this is shocking behaviour.

In reality I do wonder how much the SLT try to brush stuff off. A NQT had sex with a pupil at a local school and the court case said more than a few teachers had seen them alone and thought it inappropriate but did nothing.

He said he fantasied fucking you while you in school at parents eve? Yes completely acceptable.

Can't loose a good teacher.... until the teen goes to their parents. If she hadn't he would still be teaching at the school.

I dunno...I am quite intrigued as to what the OPs response to her future cease and desist letter will be.

@cardibach @SpanielsGalore still bad enough got over excited and wrote the wrong scenario but I would still be in trouble!

You've got to also apply context to the situation.

They weren't at a dinner party, on a train, in the post office. Not down the pub on a Sunday afternoon.

It was late night in a bar. Two men approaching two women in that situation are hoping for a hook up for one or both of them.

I don't know a woman in real life who wouldn't have clocked their approach from across the room, nudged my friend and decided our strategy on whether to send them packing immediately or see where it went.

I'd have been totally turned off by drunk man's clumsy attempt at a proposition and told him where to go.

I'd have been in no way surprised that he was trying for something. That's the only reason he approached.

‘man clumsily tried to hook up with you in a bar.’

When women like you describe lecherous comments as just being ‘clumsy’, there really is no hope. In what world is telling a woman you would like to bend her over a desk, an acceptable chat up line?

It is designed to humiliate and it is a show of power. Then I presume you are one of these women who enjoy being wolf-whistled and catcalled too. Oh it’s all laddish banter. Boys will be boys ad nauseam.

The ‘pick me’ types are alive and well on this thread.

Just reposting this comment to try to make sure that the OP reads it and tries not to take the efficiency of the CoG as an indication of their opinion.

I was CoG in a large primary school and held down a very full time job at the same time. I would have hated my replies to complaints to be taken in this way. Also I wrote the policy on vindictive complaints. I'm not saying yours is vindictive but now I'm wondering whether I ought to have included a section on inference.

We can help her draft a reply and enjoy her ignoring the suggestions that all she must say is that she will cease and desist.

Yes. Zero tolerance. By telling him to fuck off in the first place, not banging on to his employer, who will do nothing, quite rightly, because it’s nothing to do with them and in any case there is no evidence it even happened. NOBODY has said his behaviour was ok.

I don’t know what you want to happen op you say you escalated the complaint because of the way the school handled your original complaint so presumably not what was said in the bar to you.
What I want to know is what will you do if because you have escalated your complaint and the school do want to speak to the teacher involved and that in itself escalates and the teacher either is sacked or has no option but resign how will you feel

Maybe she'll stalk the directors of the trust if it's an Academy on social media and networking sites too or the partners of the solicitors firm that sent the letter.

@SophEll yes he was a dick but you are being an even bigger one now. You're actually being a twat. A smug one at that. Now if you want my Linkedin profile so you can tell tales to my employer too just let me know 😁

And as a couple of us have said, he almost definitely wasn’t fantasising at the time. It was a stuff remark that warranted a strong ‘fuck off’ and that’s all.

Being drunk isn’t. Saying you would like to do that to a former parent, is. And the mention of the desk alludes to a school setting. Gross.

Teachers clearly have a v v different code of conduct to NHS staff. Of course the latter do vile things as well, but certainly where I work, if it was found out it would be frowned upon and discussed.

Do you work in a school out of interest?

Eh? This is not even tangentially related to a case of child abuse.

Oh fuck off OP

They're not going to call your friend for a witness statement or do any more than piss about for a day or two so it looks like they're doing something then email and say "thank you for your email. The matter has been dealt with internally."

With a comment to the teacher of "look, just be careful what you say on a night out ye?"