Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Update

[SophEll]

I have debated whether to post this update but I promised I would in the previous thread (www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5325717-disgusted-by-schools-response-to-complaint-about-pervy-teacher) and I’m someone who keeps their word.

I have had an acknowledgment of my email to the Chair of Governors who assures me they will ensure my previous correspondence with the school will be personally overseen by the Headteacher as opposed to the senior member of staff who replied previously.

The Governor has understandably explained that the school cannot share the details of any internal disciplinary action, but has assured me the head teacher will provide me with a further response in due course, and asked me to provide my contact number. I’ve also confirmed that should it be required, my friend would be happy to provide her account of the evening’s events.

This proves that the school previously dismissing this without investigation was inappropriate, so I must say I’m feeling rather smug right now at this vindication. Given their prompt response, the Governor clearly recognises the reputational impact something like this could have on the school.

Thanks to all those who provided suggestions on how best to proceed (including those who said I should have laughed it off, been flattered etc) - I’ll endeavour to provide a further update once the headteacher concludes their investigation. An impressively prompt response by the Chair - the joys of retirement I guess!

Another newsflash humans have the ability to not vocalise every thought that comes into their heads. Intelligent humans with the meanest level of social skills can typically differentiate between 'thoughts for everyone to hear' and 'thoughts for just me to think in my head'.

Would it be different if it was a female teacher having sex with an underage student?

To go back to the ops question it's not a safeguarding issue the op is wasting their time.

I think I’d be mortified at the thought that by complaining I’d become staff room gossip whilst other teachers try to remember me and debate whether or not they’d have had me over the desk or not.

I mean no offence whatsoever to teachers with that comment before anyone comes at me to tell me that would never happen. But in my non teaching jobs humour has been very dark at times.

What you’ve gone through?
A pervy bloke made an inappropriate comment, realised it was inappropriate and backed off immediately…it’s not major trauma.

what was the actual bad thing he did. He told a woman he had fancied her - admittedly in a crude way - and tehn he seems to have staggered off wihtout bothering her further. she obvioulsy didn't fancy him, and absolutely nothing happened. They were both in a social (late night drinking) setting, he didn't touch her. This is simply not harassment, or else the bar has been lowered so far that "I like your shoes" is a chat up.

A female teacher would be very wrong to have sex with an underage student and should expect to be dismissed and prosecuted, as has been the case on the very rare occasions this has happened. I didn't suggest the OPs situation was a safeguarding issue. However employers don't reserve action for safeguarding. Action can be taken for a variety of things, causing reputational damage, unprofessionalism and so on. You have no idea whether anything will happen. For all we know the man could already have a history of impropriety and this could be the latest in a line of complaints. Or maybe not. I guess we will have to wait for the OPs next update to find out.

What he does in a nightclub is none of their business. As long as he doesn't break any laws they won't be interested. The op will get another fob off.

She was in a bar/nightclub with her friend - they were approached by two men.

If two potentially single women in a bar are approached by two men to chat, I don't know anyone who doesn't know that means that one or both of the men are hoping to hook up. Men don't approach women in that situation purely for small talk.

Knowing that you have the option to shut that down asap or, if you want to, flirt a bit and see how it goes.

Drunk man was too pissed and crass in his approach and didn't wait to read the room enough before starting what I assume he thought was sexy banter which might have helped his cause for some casual sex - OP and friend gave him short shrift - he realised his mistake - moved off and left them alone.

It's an eye roll incident - or give him a strong F* off in the moment.

It's not report to his employer because years ago your child went to that school and then get the governors involved.

Massively huge overreaction.

Agree
90% on MNet didn’t agree with you on your last thread OP
Why do you think it will be any different.

I think you were out of order.

It's not very rare for female teachers to have sex with male students. Google it!

exactly. What he did was very very far from rapey. It was crude, and drunk, that's it. Not threatening, not dangerous, not "outrageous". Just pretty normal drunk chat.

"This proves that the school previously dismissing this without investigation was inappropriate"

It proves nothing other than that you've essentially appealed their decision and this will be reviewed. They could very well still come back and uphold the decision the school initially took.

Excellent summary !

Did it indicate in any way it wasn't consensual?

No

You're just distorting it to make it sound worse

Well he's being called a rapist and a peado on here because people can't read
See how things escalate?

But he was trying to hook up with her in a bar - so he used a line - an awful crass one - but he was hoping for some casual sex (or possibly something more than that)

As soon as it was clear he'd screwed up he left her alone.

My sister in law is a teacher and I have seen her grab a blokes crotch on a night out and ask to have a look at his cock when she was pissed and although it’s very inappropriate to do that (although it does get overlooked when women do this) it has no connection to her job as a teacher really does it.
A grown man said an inappropriate thing to a grown woman but somehow his job as a teacher is being brought into it as if this is who he is around children.
Before I get accused of being a rape apologist or pandering to dick I do want to say that I’m not and I would have told him to go and fuck himself like I do to anyone who makes an inappropriate comment.

If you went to the doctors, then bumped into said GP down the pub and he said he'd wanted to bend you over his examination table and fuck you, would you complain?

Or the bank manager?

Cause I certainly would.

Of course you would because you have nothing better to do with your time.

Fucking hell, OP. Have you never said anything inappropriate when you’ve been drunk?

It would be different if your child still went to that school, but they don’t. You don’t see or interact with this man in any capacity, professional or otherwise, so why feel the need to escalate a throwaway drunken comment?

In my mid twenties, I bumped into my old (young and attractive) business studies teacher in a bar. He came over and we spoke for a while, then he came back again later and asked if he could take me out sometime.

It never even crossed my mind to report back to conversation to my old school because he hadn’t done anything wrong, or crossed any professional boundaries.

Well yes. Because that would involve an adult in a position of responsibility having sex with a student.
This is an adult saying something inappropriate to another adult for whom they have never had responsibility, then immediately recognising it was in appropriate (‘I was joking’) and backing off.
Theres absolutely no commonality between the two events.

Indeed. The 5 minutes of my time it would take would be make or break for me.

Likewise if I had a report that one of my employees had behaved like that towards a customer/client, we would be having words with them. And our staff aren't 'professionals' with reputations to uphold

But he wasn’t her teacher or her child’s teacher. He was her child’s ex teacher. Not the same as bumping into your GP whatsoever. He may not have even fantasised about OP at parents’ evenings, he may have thought she looked nice on the night, wanted to try his luck at getting some sex and, in drunken stupidity, said that line thinking it sounded sexy and OP would respond.

@SophEll you do realise that this will go nowhere and the govener is just handling you as your the type of nuisance parent/ex parent that can make a public fuss over anything. In this case the teacher was an inappropriate twat who was not at work or representing the school in any way, shape or form, and as such the school shouldn't be doing anything.
The fact is you were in a pub and a drunk bloke that you vaguely knew made a typical drunk twat comment (which he probably thought was flattering 😒) and instead of telling him to fuck off or calling him a twat and forgetting it like most sensible people would you've started a campaign to get him sacked, why?
You need to get a grip and drop this before you make a bigger fool of yourself than you already have.

Oh and before the pile on starts no I'm not excusing what he said and he certainly deserved being called out on his behaviour at the time but to go after his job is ridiculous.

The equivalent would be more if you’d moved to a different area, hadn’t seen them for years and knew you would never use them as your doctor or bank manager again…..

I also don’t think it’s equivalent because a doctor is a position of authority directly over you, with whom you have been very vulnerable. The parent- teacher relationship is not like that. It can even be the other way around, as parents often hold teachers accountable for their performance.

i agree it was crass, presumptuous and deserved a good verbal slap down….. but due to there being no ongoing relationship, I don’t think it crosses into malpractice of any kind.