To think something is off here?

[Thegirlinthegreenscarf]

Way back early 2022 my colleague said that she got diagnosed with stage 4 Glioblastoma brain cancer. Of course we all naturally felt so sorry for her and since have done everything we can to make sure that her life is easier. She has a husband and two young children. In 2024 my colleague said that she had surgery which removed most of the tumour but she was still terminally unwell.

The thing that's at the back of my mind is that she's never changed in appearance never looks unwell. Still puts in all the work hours etc.

Am I being unreasonable to think she's maybe playing us all?

That's a tricky one. The cancer she told you about in 2022 is very aggressive, with a low survival rate. Did she take any time off work at all during that period? I think it's something as low as 5-10% of patients survive 5 years with it, with most only surviving a year or so. If she had surgery, you'd have assumed she had had time off for that and then had at least a partially shaved head (could be covered of course). It is feasible that she's been lucky that the treatment has helped etc.

I like to think that no-one would make up something so awful, but I guess you can't know for sure.

I had a relative through marriage who faked a brain tumour - she shaved off her hair, I kid you not. She'd previously faked a stroke.

It used to be her children who kept having 'accidents' or who became unwell. Once they became older, it was the relative through marriage who had various ailments.

So - yes...It's possible that the colleague is faking.

I have had colleagues with various cancers, and most of them have tried to give the impression that nothing is wrong. That is their coping mechanism.

You are not owed someone displaying symptoms to prove they are ill.

@WearyAuldWumman sorry you experienced this. I can't get my head around someone saying this but at the back of my mind something doesn't sit right. Also are your relatives kids ok now? I hope so.

@CountryMumof4 she said that she had 10 days to prepare for the surgery. I don't know what the preparation was in the lead up to surgery, and then 10 days after surgery she was up and about as normal and looking like normal and she said all her symptoms were completely gone and she was back to normal. It's not known about her shaved head because she wore a scarf for a few days but after then it was her normal long hair (could have been a wig maybe?) I honestly truly hope she isn't just saying this because that would be awful.

No of course I am not but just a quick Google tells me that with this type she would be really poorly.

I had a colleague at work with a brain tumour who had a period when, after an op, he was back working and to all intents and purposes appeared normal, although I am sure it was tough for him.

I don’t know what sort of brain cancer it was but he had some immunotherapy I think which gave him four and a half extra years with his wife and dc, and once that stopped working, very sadly, he went downhill and died pretty quickly.

Edited: wouldn’t your colleague have had to provide your workplace with documentation proving she needed time off op?

I think you'll have to give her the benefit of the doubt tbh. As @XenoBitch has said, sometimes people just want to get on with it. From what I've seen, those faking severe illnesses tend to go on and on about them and fake symptoms etc. it doesn't sound like this is the case with your colleague.

Not the same thing at all, but I've worked through two of my miscarriages. My colleagues would likely have had no idea anything was wrong as I masked it and just cracked on, despite breaking inside. They only knew I'd had those ones after being hospitalised with another - I was in hospital a few days and then needed a bit more recovery time. They knew it wasn't like me to be off long and questioned it, so I was honest.

@Idoubtitwillchangemuch so sorry to read about your work friend that's really sad for his family and friends. My colleague has said that she has had radio and chemotherapy along with the surgery. If I am wrong then of maybe she is putting on a brave face and getting on with things. The thing is I don't know and obviously would never outright ask her.

I work with someone who had a terminal cancer diagnosis about 6 years ago. He has to take regular time off work for hospital appointments and is now looking very ill. It’s quite obvious that he will die of the illness. I always thought stage 4 was terminal, and any operation in the brain would need serious time off work.

@CountryMumof4 that's the thing she does go on about it and makes everyone aware of it all the time. She's even been in the local rag because of it. So sorry to read about your miscarriages I hope you are ok.

my best friend died last year after a 8 year battle of incurable cancer - for the first 7 year despite losing a kidney having constant bone cancer and being on diff treatments you woukd never have known from the outside until the last 6 months. She ran her business full time, was a single mum and travelled the world

Yes, the kids are adults and have done well.

The elder child stopped having 'accidents' when the younger came along...There's no doubt that - like many members of our family - the younger child is genuinely on the spectrum, but high functioning. (He taught himself to play chess while still at primary school.) Like his dad, he's 'quiet' . However, I don't want to put anything too outing here, but she somehow got him on video behaving in a way that no one in the family had ever seen before - or since. That got an additional diagnosis of Tourette's.

At one point, the child featured on local television, having his 'first' birthday party, paid for by a charity...because - according to his mother - no one would go to his parties. This somewhat bemused the family members who had attended his previous parties (where there was no evidence of Tourette's).

Lord help us, it wasn't until the local news feature happened that we finally figured that something was amiss.

She got free holidays for the family from various charities as well.

The mother managed to persuade the local LA into placing him into what was then called The Special Education Unit of the local secondary school in spite of the school's insistence that he should be in mainstream. The other children in the SEU were non-verbal. This was not the case for my relative's child.

In the end, the mother agreed that the child could be integrated into some mainstream classes. The school gradually placed him in mainstream for everything. He did well, got a good college qualification and a good job. A few years ago, he paid cash for his own house.

The mother actually did die in middle age - but not from any of the illnesses that she claimed. There's suspicion in the family that she took the wrong combination of tablets at some point. The toxicology report was inconclusive.

i realise that I sound barmy saying all this, but you had to be there. Her 'stroke' symptoms appeared after she saw my dad's genuine stroke symptoms.

She told all her neighbours that her SIL was shunning her because of her 'brain tumour'. Her hair didn't fall out - it was clearly shaved. She'd wear a wig on top of the shaved head and then ostentatiously say at family gatherings "Is it all right with everyone if I take my wig off?"

At one point, she claimed that she was teetotal because of kidney failure...and then would have a night on the booze with her pals.

Whenever her husband got a job, he'd get a phone call to say that his wife had become ill and needed to go to hospital...He finished up on benefits as a result.

As I said, you had to see it all before you realised what was going on.

Friend had this and was dead after a year. BUT, and it’s a big BUT, he was told the outcomes are very different. Yes it’s terminal but most of it can be got rid of with treatment, then it’s a case of when it will come back, and it can be months or years. Up to 10 years I think. He didn’t appear unwell either until towards the end.

Tread very carefully OP. You will come across as really awful if you voice these doubts to anyone. Try to support your colleague as much as you can. Ultimately it’s a dreadful illness.

@Idoubtitwillchangemuch don't want to be outing but let's say we are freelance.

@SamDeanCas sorry to read about your colleague that's really sad. I thought the same stage 4, especially brain cancer was maybe a year or two max after diagnosis. I don't know maybe I am over thinking after watching apple cider vinegar on Netflix. She said that she had the operation then 9 days later she was fit as a fiddle and no symptoms as surgery had removed them all (obviously I am paraphrasing here)

Ahh ok. Does she have much time off for appointments etc ? It's the sort of thing that needs regular monitoring.

That's kind of you, thank you. I count myself lucky that I've got my four boys. I know I'm very fortunate in the grand scheme of things.

Thank you. He was very grateful for the four and a half “extra” years as it gave him more time with his dc and it allowed them all to prepare for the inevitable as a family. Still completely devastating of course but four and a half years is a significant chunk of time in a child’s life which he didn’t anticipate he would have.

Imho, you can tell a fair amount from how someone discusses their illness, as to whether it is genuine or not, especially with oncology, as it is all so technical and complex and the terminology is hard to fake.

Having said that op, chemo and radiation therapies have moved on in recent years, improved treatments are tolerated better, and people can appear outwardly to be reasonably well when going through them, so I think you must give your colleague the benefit of the doubt.

It’s a pretty risky strategy to fake a terminal illness anyway as those specific lies are bound to be exposed at some point! You would have to be seriously unhinged to do it.

A close relative died of this. She was incredibly ill, it was traumatising watching her decline. I actually hope she is making it up, it is an utterly horrific illness.

However, trajectories of illnesses can vary and it is probably best to keep your suspicions to yourself. People who make things like that up are often found out in the end anyway.

Well asking her is the only way you'll find out, you're definitely not going to find out on here 🙄

I can’t even comprehend how someone would lie about this but I saw this documentary (can’t remember where) where an Australian woman Belle something did just that. I mean it’s just unbelievable.

@CountryMumof4 it's hard to tell because we are all pretty much freelance. Glad to read you are doing ok. Hug your 4 boys but don't deny yourself the grief that sometimes comes from losing a child. That's what keeps me going to hug the ones I've got and allow myself the days to think of what might have been 💐

@Coastingtohell25 so sorry to read about your friend.

@WearyAuldWumman blimey that sounds crazy but glad the child has made a life for himself against all odds.

@ClairDeLaLune I would never voice my thoughts out in the open because I honestly don't know in my mind what way to think. So sorry about your friend.

That's what I watched that started me thinking about things.

Hi op sometimes people do lie about this.type of thing. I knew someone.who pretended they had cancer. They'd been caught cheating on their girlfriend and then did a big thing about I've got.cancer that's why I've been off thr rails For ages they kept up the pretence it was only when they were beaten up.one night and left for dead that at hospital the man's friends asked a consultant about whether the injuries would affect the cancer and were told there was no cancer on the medical records. It was distressing for everyone involved. I do wonder where that man is now and if he lied again.

In a pub I used to run we ran a fundraiser for MacMillan. One of our regulars had cancer (so she said) lost her hair and everyone was gutted for her and supported the fund raiser. We raised over £2k, which was good going for a small village pub.

Except every so often her hair grew a bit and then disappeared again. So another regular contacted the charity and there had been no donation. Then a week or so later we received a very obviously photocopied and doctored "Thank you" cert that was later confirmed to have not come from MM. It was agreed to contact the police so she said she would donate £500 if we didnt and then disappeared. After some further SM digging, turns out that she did this when she lived in Aus and skipped out with many many thousands,

I was particularly pissed off as she was always pleading poverty and when I was getting rid of some furniture, I offered it to her for nothing when I could have sold it. She said that she would like X & Y if I could drop it off but didnt want the sofa (she was sitting on boxes so she said) as she didnt like the colour.

Took us all for mugs.

My aunty sadly died from this. But she fought for 6 years and had 3 surgeries. But only 12 weeks off work in total. She was a teacher and it really kept her going.

Only about 5% of patients diagnosed with Glioblastoma are around five years later, and I am certain those have had treatment. Stage 4 means that it’s metastasized. She probably would have had immunotherapy or chemotherapy after radiation treatments. She would normally have a prognosis of about 18m with glioblastoma. Less with stage 4. I’m very suspicious about this.