To think something is off here?

[Thegirlinthegreenscarf]

Way back early 2022 my colleague said that she got diagnosed with stage 4 Glioblastoma brain cancer. Of course we all naturally felt so sorry for her and since have done everything we can to make sure that her life is easier. She has a husband and two young children. In 2024 my colleague said that she had surgery which removed most of the tumour but she was still terminally unwell.

The thing that's at the back of my mind is that she's never changed in appearance never looks unwell. Still puts in all the work hours etc.

Am I being unreasonable to think she's maybe playing us all?

Was just about to recommend this, there's also a documentary based on the podcast. I hope she hasn't lied but it does sound like a very aggressive type of cancer, where there would be signs. Such an awful way to behave, if it is a lie.

Have you not watched Apple Cider Vinegar? Check out Belle Gibson. She’s one of many.

My brother in law did this (among other faked things.)

It's bizarre but it does happen.

No way to say whether your colleague is doing it, not knowing her etc.

You can think whatever you like, but if you voice those thoughts, influence other peoples thoughts or treat the person poorly because you think they are lying, you could be in for quite the backlash if it turns out to be true and dependent on who you are as a person you may also end up with a lot of guilt.

Unless it’s actually impacting you in some way, I would just carry on as normal and not say anything to anyone and certainly not to her.. If the business are giving her special dispensation they may have received letters and medical reports and will know the truth.

I would not get involved.

Actually, I’ve just remembered that an ex friend of mine told everyone in school her mum had cancer. I believed it for decades. It wasn’t true.

Then, in 2006, she told me she had cancel cells in her lymph nodes and needed an operation to have them removed. I visited in the hospital. It was a private hospital but she said her work insurance covered it. I thought, weird, her boobs like waaaay smaller and came home saying to my mum that I swear she’d had a breast reduction, not cancer surgery. Turns out, I was right. Nothing up with her at all apart from big boobs and she’s still alive and kicking today. With smaller boobs and one less friend.

I would try minding my own business.

My cousin was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour in 2022 aged 45, after recovering from this previously many moons ago. I'm.not sure on the type, but she has been right as rain, recovering from ops fairly quickly, until this year where she has 2 strokes and God knows how many seizures. She is deteriorating quickly.now so it won't be long until she leaves us.
I hope the lady isn't lying, scum of the earth that kind of behaviour.

I think you’d have to be to lie about such things. No mentally stable person would pretend they had a terminal illness.

I worked with a cancer faker. She got caught out when she provided a fake letter from her oncologist. We organised a fundraiser to send her and her children to Disneyland Florida for a final family holiday. She had lots of paid time off work for medical treatment and appointments. There was nothing wrong with her physically. She was fired after being found guilty of fraud and is currently working elsewhere, claiming to have terminal heart disease.

@WearyAuldWumman was the case you've described some sort of Munchausen situation?

You’ve got to be careful in this sort of situation because accusing someone of lying about cancer when they have cancer is as bad as someone lying about having cancer.

You could be right and maybe your colleague is lying but how could you be sure enough? If you’re wrong it would be catastrophic for you.

My Dad died from a GBM, one minute fine & then next terminally ill with 18 months to live. Very very few people survive the diagnosis, she would have had major brain surgery affecting her personality, mood & physical appearance as well as ongoing doses of steroids to help the swelling including losing her hair & significant time of work. She is lying!!!

It’s a tricky one because some people live years with a GBM although it is rare. The operation, if it goes well, they try to get you home within 48 hours! The chemo doesn’t tend to make you lose hair as it is in tablet form to cross the blood brain barrier and the radiotherapy may or may not but would only affect the areas it hits.

So yeah, it’s unlikely but not impossible. You could ask who her surgeon was or which area of the brain as that would give you more of a clue, I’d say most patients could tell you either of those things immediately and include what that area affects, language/movement etc.

Yes, it really is best to mind your own business even if she is lying, but especially if she’s not.

When I returned to work after having cancer (but on chemo) colleagues told me all the time how well I looked and they couldn’t believe I’d had it. Not in an accusatory way as a lot of them had visited me in hospital where I was quite clearly very unwell. It wasn’t a brain cancer though, would she not have had her head shaved and some new scars at some point?

My husband’s late wife had this type of cancer and she was ostensibly ‘well’ until very near the end of her life. She lived for five years with very few outward signs of the disease, went to uni, had a job etc then went downhill very suddenly. So it’s entirely possible that it’s the same for this lady.

Dotjones:

It sounds very suspicious. You shouldn't confront her with your findings but ideally you should contact your manager, HR or someone with the power to investigate.

Absolutely not.

If OP has no evidence and is relying only on her suspicions she should not contact HR "to investigate".

I would also be very suspicious, especially in the absence of no physical signs such as shaved head, scars, weight loss, or any prolonged absences from work. Someone with such an aggressive tumour surely doesn’t take only a matter of days off work?? Was the headscarf supposed to be covering like a patch of shaved hair and a wound of some sort? Because for the scarf now just to be gone with her hair and head just looking normal, I would definitely be smelling a rat!

There’s not a lot you can do either way anyway except retain a quiet sense of scepticism. You can’t say anything without being 100% sure.

No I haven't. I've heard of the name belle gibson though. The cancer I have will kill me at some point and I know I'll just get triggered from it all. It if it's worth a watch I might watch it.

A friend of mine had a brain tumour removed on the morning and was on the school run in the afternoon.
My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and you wouldn’t know he was poorly until 7 months later - within a month he was dead. He’d gone back to work etc. he couldn’t have chemo.

There’s also a podcast on BBC Sounds called Believe in Magic, about an extraordinary case of Munchhausen’s by proxy, in which a mother pretends her daughter has a brain tumour. It’s incredible,wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t heard it.

@KimberleyClark This is a fascinating listen.

I think it’s really difficult to say. I have stage 3 melanoma. I’ve had 3 surgeries already, look awful because of the scarring, and feel like shit. I’ve been off work nearly a year and definitely do not expect to be able to return to work until 2026 at the earliest. I can barely walk due to treatment side effects.

I know someone with incurable brain cancer (I don’t know if it would technically be stage 4, but it’s basically in an area of the brain where they can’t successfully treat it). She’s a bit bloated, but otherwise has been working and going to the gym and deadlifting crazy amounts. I’m in awe because I can barely get down the stairs in the morning!

I similarly had a friend with stage 4 stomach cancer. She died within 2 years of diagnosis, but she looked great, better than I do!

If she has had time off for surgery and treatment, I would assume she’s had to provide documentation from her doctors and I’d trust HR to deal with that. Funny enough, though I’ve left my job now, I’m fairly certain that my work colleagues thought I was faking it too. Because they are nasty pieces of work. I was there one day and gone the next and then lots of surgeries. No one has ever said it to me directly, but the feel I get from the passive aggressive emails is that they don’t believe me. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ve now long stopped caring, but it did annoy me for awhile. I’ve come to accept it says more about them than me, plus I know I’m not faking it.

She had a cancerous brain tumour removed under general anaesthetic and was out of the hospital and picking up her kids at 3pm?
bollocks.

I struggled with a similar situation in recent years. I asked on Mumsnet as I didn’t feel it was a subject I could bring up with anyone in real life.

This was a man who claimed to have a brain tumour and convinced the entire community. He even pre booked and arranged his funeral.
He had two biopsies (he said) to confirm the stage of the cancer. The first supposed biopsy he was dropped off at hospital and said he didn’t want anyone to visit him. His entire head had been shaved one length, and no shorter length for the biopsy site. No dressing as he said it had healed in the two weeks he had been absent.
He wore a dressing after his supposed second biopsy, but again, after removal, his hair (shaved all over entire head again) was the same length as before, and hadn’t been shaved to scalp on the biopsy site.

He would frequently fall and have fits, and make random noises, to act out his illness, and was helped by people, but he always got drunk beforehand.

He was also still driving around in his car in the midst of all this. Nobody questioned why he was allowed to do this.

We wondered how he would get out of this, and he came up with the story of being misdiagnosed (they missed it during two biopsies 🤔). Apparently it was just a cyst, though that cyst could burst at any time so he’s not allowed to wear tight head gear, like a helmet, for instance.

I can’t believe so many people fall for it and think he’s unwell. It’s damaged the mental health of his family, and he told his young children. A truly awful man.