To think something is off here?

[Thegirlinthegreenscarf]

Way back early 2022 my colleague said that she got diagnosed with stage 4 Glioblastoma brain cancer. Of course we all naturally felt so sorry for her and since have done everything we can to make sure that her life is easier. She has a husband and two young children. In 2024 my colleague said that she had surgery which removed most of the tumour but she was still terminally unwell.

The thing that's at the back of my mind is that she's never changed in appearance never looks unwell. Still puts in all the work hours etc.

Am I being unreasonable to think she's maybe playing us all?

I'm so sorry 😞

People do lie about this kind of thing, horrifyingly. I know a man who told everyone - including his family, work and girlfriend - he had terminal cancer and let them tick his bucket list off, only to have to come clean 18 months later when people started to get suspicious. Equally, I know someone actually given a terminal diagnosis and months to live who was still kicking 5 years later, so it would be a very bold person who would actually say anything to someone either way - you can't know, really.

Given the seriousness of her diagnosis and how long it's been, I'd be a bit suspicious too but only because I knew someone who lied about it. Nothing you can do either way, though!

People who lie about illness for sympathy or especially monetary gain are despicable imo . Some I will grant, are mentally unwell , ages ago, one of my tenants came in with their hand bandaged and told me they had been bitten by a cobra (in the uk) it was one of many tall tales regarding illness.
Glioblastoma is extremely aggressive, I'd be very surprised if your colleague isn't having treatment or experiencing symptoms.

I had stage 4 cancer 5 years ago. I’m lucky that mine was curable and I’m healthy now. Other than being bald (thanks chemo) I looked completely healthy and remained working the entire 6 months. Including when I was hooked up to the chemo pump.

Chemo etc hits everyone differently, she could be putting a brave face on it or is actually ok. I only had to take a few days off during my treatment and the rest of the time I was fine, but tired but nothing major. I did have to send my employers letters from my drs and if I had taken more leave, I would have had to submit to a medical.

I would be very sceptical of what she has told you.

My son (27) was diagnosed with a Glioblastoma (GMB4) in June 2022 after 1 seizure - with a prognosis of 12-15 months. Unfortunately this is given as a median because everyone is different.

After having an awake craniotomy, he went through 5 days a week for 6 weeks radiotherapy. He did lose his hair but only at the side where the radiation was carried out. He had a huge scar running from his temple down to his ear and then round.

He had a month off after the radiotherapy and then started 6 months of chemo - usually this is in tablet form taken at home.

Went back to work part time - October 22.

He had two years of stable scans - could not take all of the tumour due to it's placement - he would have lost motor skills/speech.

April 24 had a further craniotomy due to more growth, chemo given but it didn't work. Different chemo given - IV this time which has helped stabilise. However there was only a 50% chance of this reducing/stabilising and there are no other options after this.

He is exhausted all the time. I know he is declining.

GMB4 is terminal - her MacMillan team would have sorted out a blue badge and PIP for her - does she have these?

It takes two years of stable scans to maybe get your driving license back - you have to surrender on diagnosis, and then there is a lengthy wait whilst the oncologist fills out forms for the DVLA etc.

My childs primary school teacher had an aggressive cancer, she worked all the way through to pretty much the end with a smile, and then sadly passed away suddenly. She did take a lot of days off for treatments.
So it is possible to work and seem normal, but I guess individual cases are different.

Yes, I strongly suspect that she is faking. Trust your instinct with this but keep your thoughts to yourself.

Around the time I was diagnosed with breast cancer/had my first mastectomy, an old acquaintance (once a v. close friend) got in touch with me to tell me she'd been through similar. The entire conversation was bizarre, and never once did she give me any solid facts about her type of breast cancer. Throughout the time I was dealing with my own breast cancer, whenever I met someone who had also been through, we discussed type, stage, grade etc etc, always without prompting. The aforementioned acquaintance never divulge a single thing. Secondly, she's like me inasmuch as she's fascinated by the bodies ability to heal/scars. Naturally, I showed her my scars. She did not reciprocate or even offer. This is incredibly unlike her, and set my spidey senses of further.

Why did I suspect her? Well, she had previous form for faking cancer, (something we never really confronted her about). And much like that story, this new cancer/story felt off too.

Some people are disgusting and have no shame. Faking/lying about having cancer is the lowest of the low.

My DH has terminal cancer. He is still up and about doing stuff, trying to live life as best he can. Some days he is really poorly, other days you wouldn't know, every day is different. And the people we've met at the cancer unit, all with different cancers, have very different treatments, you wouldn't always know just by looking at them how ill they actually are. We also know of a number of people given a terminal diagnosis who are defying expectations and still here many years after they were told they wouldn't be. Just be very careful before you pass judgement, because if it turns out she is telling the truth and she dies you are going to feel like such an arsehole for posting this thread.

Surely it’s possible that she was originally told it was very serious, but then told maybe it wasn’t as bad as expected, but would need surgery etc, that she had treatments etc. she might not have kept you informed of all the updates. This happened to a friend who was diagnosed with a very serious illness, but then about a month later was told it was probably not that and the prognosis was much better etc. she was still unwell, but not about to die. I can’t imagine she went round telling everyone all the update for fear that the updates were wrong!

It sounds very suspicious. You shouldn't confront her with your findings but ideally you should contact your manager, HR or someone with the power to investigate. It may well be that they have all the evidence and proof that your colleague is doing nothing wrong, but obviously they can't share that with you. It's possible too that if you see her regularly you haven't noticed the decline, although by this stage you probably would.

I think some people are misunderstanding the issue. The issue isn't "can people with cancer live for a few years whilst not looking ill and being a fully-functioning work unit" because the answer is yes, of course that can happen. The issue here is the particular diagnosis this individual claims to have had. By now it's highlight improbable they'd be alive, let alone appearing normal and healthy.

There's always an exception but that's the point, exceptions are few and far between.

I have cancer. It's not brain cancer, but it's horrible living with it. But I do live with it. I go to work every day, I look pretty much the same. But I've had countless tests, medical visits and surgeries. Some people at work know, most don't. I would be horrified if anyone that I was faking it because I haven't physically changed in the last two years.

God no, don't report it to anyone. You will look like a total arsehole (not saying you are)
Leave it alone and just politely nod etc and if someone higher up thinks there is an issue leave it to them.
Obviously don't set up a Justgiving or anything but keep out of it becasue even if it turns out she is lying nobody will thank you for pointing it out anyway

@Dotjones you have hit the nail on the head

"the issue here is the particular diagnosis this individual claims to have had. By now it's highlight improbable they'd be alive, let alone appearing normal and healthy"

People are discussing cancer as though it's just one entity. My DH and DD were diagnosed with different cancers around the same time. His is very much a lesser one and he is probably going to die with it rather than from it. My DD's cancer was aggressive and needed a tough chemotherapy regime during which she lost ALL her hair - eyebrows, eyelashes, nose hair and all body hair included. During the four months of chemo she very definitely couldn't have worked and 18 months on, she is only now starting to recover her strength.

OP I'm in full agreement with you, something is definitely off.

No advice on likelihoods of truth vs lies etc when it comes to cancer as I’m fortunate to have never had it. However, do not distance yourself or be anything but supportive, kind and a listening ear just as much as you would if you knew for a fact she had it. This is because, IF it turns out that she does/did in fact have it and you weren’t supportive & kind and you’ve distanced yourself from her then you will never, ever forgive yourself.
I know I’d much rather be supportive but duped and taken for a mug, than be unkind & distant to someone with terminal cancer... 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have 2 colleagues with cancer who are actively undergoing treatment. Both haven’t had much time off at all and are still working round about their treatment/appointments. They don’t look very unwell- more that they look tired some days.

Belle Gibson anyone? People can and do lie about awful things like this.

Very sorry to everyone who has had a loss through cancer. Just awful.

I think you should be careful about litigation for slander

My husband died of glioblastoma multiforme

It's a horrible devastating disease. He lost his hair in one strip on his head and was badly affected by the disease. Lived for 4 years after his diagnosis at age 36

It's a brutal awful disease and fair play to your colleague if her life is as normal as it appears to be! 🤔

I know three other guys who had it too. They were equally badly affected but in diff ways

However OP....I would still be supportive as we really don't know how diseases can affect individuals

I have painful second hand experience of this type of brain tumour and it is the worst. It's incurable and even with surgery it grows back. Your colleague will most definitely need to be on a range of meds including steroids which impact a person's physical appearance as well as other side effects. I would imagine based on what you have described it is highly unlikely they have this type of tumour.

Ps, I’m of course, not suggesting you go to the ends of the earth to help her like you would with a best friend or family member, at the cost of your own health and family. Just be kind, supportive and respectful until or unless you find out for a fact that she’s lying, and I do mean fact. Confirmation bias can be a factor in situations like this. If you’re looking for evidence that she’s lying, you can end up finding it when it’s not really there.

For example (this is not quite the same but an example of confirmation bias in action), an old neighbour of mine was convinced that I don’t actually have Parkinson’s and that I’m lying (apparently because I’m not old and I’m not always in my wheelchair!). One day, she saw me coming out of the local David Lloyd gym and decided that was proof enough and reported me to PIP! I got a phone call from Compliance and had to explain to them that the gym is where my DD’s nursery was! This was accepted and no action taken but it shows that when you’re looking for reasons to disbelieve someone, you can find it where it doesn’t exist, so be careful! Yes it def sounds fishy, I agree but until you have facts, don’t change your attitude towards her.

Agree re steriods. My son now has too much cortisol in his body because of the steriods which causes the moon face and weight gain. It has also affected his joints/muscles.

This is difficult.
I was diagnosed with an incurable, terminal cancer at 23. I am now 30, have had a baby since and look normal. I went through vigorous chemos and never lost my hair. I had a surgery that left me in a coma. 2 months later I went to my Christmas party feeling like a million dollars.

there are some people out there who lie and cheat the system.

there are some of us, genuinely poorly, who just want to look and feel amazing while we can.
please don't judge us and make us feel like we have to look a certain way. Because we absolutely don't.

A quick google shows my cancer you would be very poorly to. And I was / am.

but I look normal.

your point proves nothing and is really fucking offensive.

@Dotjones exactly . There are many types of cancer, in this instance it's a shocker , glioblastoma is incurable and fast growing .
Many people are able to carry on showing no outward signs with many cancers but having first hand experience of glioblastoma I would be very surprised if someone wasn't receiving any treatment or showing neurological symptoms.