Said something really shitty at work and now scared

[Tdhggd]

Please be kind, I’m not in the right frame of mind. I was chatting to a colleague today and usually it’s just casual low key topics like our kids, weekends etc. nothing too political. He’s a religious guy who goes to church, I’m not from a religious background at all but have recently felt there’s something missing and would like to visit a few religious places. I asked his advice and I told him I’ll be open to visiting as many places as I can apart from one (I won’t say which ones content to cause a meltdown). In my head it was just a throwaway comment I don’t really even think I meant it in truth it’s just something that came out. I’m worried now incase he mentions it to someone. It’s a very diverse workplace. Truthfully I have nothing against this religion but in my head I was trying to say I wouldn’t go as I don’t think I’d even be allowed to enter as they very strict. I don’t care what people think of me but I don’t want to hurt some of the people I consider my friends, I don’t want them to hear this and think I’m racism riwards them. I feel like such an idiot saying this and obviously will be more articulate in my explanation. How likely is it he will tell others?

As a Muslim myself, I don't find what you said a problem. Its your opinion. You're entitled to that.

I don't know why everyone is pussy footing around you, OP. I definitely think you should have kept your big mouth shut.

I assume your comments were about the Islamic religion. It's fine to say you're not interested in visiting mosques, but I think it's not okay to make blanket statements about how Muslim men treat women - especially when you say yourself that you know plenty of decent Muslim men. Being religious myself (Orthodox Christian) and having a Muslim husband, I'm so sick of people like you making statements about how women get treated by Muslim men. You don't have a clue about it, so maybe stop talking about it? Worry more about how Atheist men abandon and molest their children, plus drug and rape women in night clubs? Yeah, not fun to be on the receiving end of dumb, prejudiced comments, right?

If I were your colleague and you told me these kind of things, I think I would have to pull you up on it in one way or another. It's just not okay.

i get the impression that you are not interested in the religion/belief part but like the idea of bing part of a community. If this is the case there is no need to explore religion in any shape or form, instead look at other types of communities in your area. Maybe your family could join a variety of things - youth groups, your school PTA, local voluntary groups, your local leisure centre, sports groups, your local community veg patch, your local animal shelter. Follow your families interests so that there is an emotional connection with the groups you join.

Its fine not to be interested in somewhere that clashes with your personal beliefs but I think you’ll find most religions are historically sexist. I’m from an evangelical Christian background and women were certainly the underdogs.

I'd say the other way round.

Personally I have no belief in the supernatural and regard all religion as misleading fiction, but it's not a view I'd necessarily express in the workplace, for the sake of keeping the peace.

In your case it's unlikely you've deeply offended anyone and you shouldn't need to apologise for your views, when they're clearly not based on unjustified prejudice.

if you do research you will find all religions are historically sexist and this sexism spills over into modern day. Spend a couple of hours going down some internet rabbit holes

personally I’d tell the man that you’ve researched different religions and now realise they are all sexist and you want nothing to do with any religion.

I think you'll be ok but learn from this and never get into conversations about religion or politics at the workplace.

Anyone else think this is a goady dog whistle OP?

The "conversation" 100% never happened 😂

You are mistaking religion for culture. The religion does not make men trat women badly, it's that men from some of the countries where this religion is the majority are brought up in a culture of to is masculinity. The religion itself is a gentle thing.

Well, I worked it out right away.

I dont think the problem is your colleague is too chatty. The problem is you are too chatty.

My local mosque actively encourages all members of the community to stop by. They hold various activities, invite people in for food, and run a number of charitable schemes like food banks that everyone is welcome to volunteer for. Not sure about the actual services, but there's awareness sessions for non Muslims. In the highly unlikely event you are asked to explain yourself all you need to do is say you excluded mosques thinking you wouldn't be allowed, but now you know different are planning in volunteering for their next litter pick or simular.

You originally said

I’m so stupid saying this but I was genuinely in my head planning which places to take my kids to to introduce them to different religions.

But now you've been challenged, youre saying you don't want anything to do with the religious element.

I think your way of thinking, if real, is bonkers. You want to rock up at a place of worship, say "Hi, I'm planning on turning up every week, use your facilities for family events and take any free food that's going. But I'm not actually going to believe anything you say or give anything back." And you're expecting to be welcomed everywhere? Religion isn't for you, join a book club.

The others are pussy footing around because they share the same bias….

You really didn't say anything shitty. There is nothing wrong with discussing and debating any religion. Of course you don't want to go somewhere that segregates women to save men from lustful thoughts or women having to stand at the back. Completely contrary to the values of a civilised and equal society.

I think u probably are overthinking things OP. I understand. As many people have said, you can give an opinion about religion. We often choose not to for fear of saying the wrong thing but this is so wrong in my opinion. Try and put it to thr back of yiur mind. Don't go in and apologise. If anyone speaks to you about this, which I doubt, then keep things factual and unemotional. Have a good day.

It's a good job men in the wider society don't have these lustful thoughts isn't it, thank God us non unnamed religious people don't have to cope with men lusting after women no that never happens all other men are bastions of society with regards to women 🙄

Of course it's not okay to segregate genders or that so many people are okay with a view that women need to be removed to protect men from having pervy thoughts snd having to regulate their sexual impulses. And you know it. Educate yourself.

No one has to be attracted to any religion. I mean probably not the best thing to say but he goes to church in your op, so he may just not retain what you said.

@Arancia I can't tell if you believe this about atheists or are saying that this view is as bad as generalising about Muslims

Worry more about how Atheist men abandon and molest their children, plus drug and rape women in night clubs? Yeah, not fun to be on the receiving end of dumb, prejudiced comments, right?

Agreed. Men are men. Doesn't really matter if they are religious or not. You have good ones and shitty ones in every walk of life.

I think the whole thing is a bit strange if I’m honest. You’re not interested in any religion but want to start going to a place of worship to build a community of people who are religious? That is weird in itself but that aside, your views on Islam seem to be what you’ve read in the Daily Mail rather than anything else. Why don’t you try reading about religions and learning for yourself?

No women are responsible for men's thoughts or are to blame for them or to have their own freedom restricted in favour of men's thoughts. They don't need be removed, sent to the back or locked up in a civilised society. Why are you defending the need for men to not have women around or be overcome by pervingn and stop acting like a civilised human being? It doesn't make you sound nice or liberal at all? It's mysoginist (women-hating/prejudiced) thinking. Feel needs spelling out in your case.