Said something really shitty at work and now scared

[Tdhggd]

Please be kind, I’m not in the right frame of mind. I was chatting to a colleague today and usually it’s just casual low key topics like our kids, weekends etc. nothing too political. He’s a religious guy who goes to church, I’m not from a religious background at all but have recently felt there’s something missing and would like to visit a few religious places. I asked his advice and I told him I’ll be open to visiting as many places as I can apart from one (I won’t say which ones content to cause a meltdown). In my head it was just a throwaway comment I don’t really even think I meant it in truth it’s just something that came out. I’m worried now incase he mentions it to someone. It’s a very diverse workplace. Truthfully I have nothing against this religion but in my head I was trying to say I wouldn’t go as I don’t think I’d even be allowed to enter as they very strict. I don’t care what people think of me but I don’t want to hurt some of the people I consider my friends, I don’t want them to hear this and think I’m racism riwards them. I feel like such an idiot saying this and obviously will be more articulate in my explanation. How likely is it he will tell others?

Football is a very dangerous topic, especially if you are in certain parts of the UK haha!

Quakers are really the best bet. You don't have to do religion-y things at all. They're a splendid community and so open to all others.

I say this as an RC person who's been to Quaker houses or events in 3 UK cities and overseas.

I'd be terrified of safeguarding issues and different kinds of unconscious bias or prejudice in cubs and scouts or community centres.

Women are allowed in Synagogue's but I think it's just upstairs in the womens area.

You don’t like Christian or Muslim religions.
You don’t seem to notice when you’re being offensive. you make contradictory statements that will confuse your listeners.
Nevertheless, you can still have a good weekend. Go back to work next week and bring a pack of chocolate biscuits.

OP, I think you probably actually do hold some unconscious bias/prejudice against Muslims from what you’ve said here, if you really stop to consider this possibility properly without immediately becoming defensive. Like you I have had some truly lovely Muslim work colleagues and acquaintances, however I can still recognise that I have some internal anti-Muslim bias due to cultural and religious influences. I think it’s quite common in the U.K. if we are all totally honest about it as others have sadly stated. At least if you are aware of your own bias you can factor it in to some extent.

However it’s of course totally ok to have your own opinions and preferences especially when it comes to something as personal as religion and what you bring your children up to believe. I don’t personally think you are completely off the mark in holding some concerns about the issue of women’s rights in Islam. Although my understanding is that a lot of this comes down to cultural influence rather than religion per se. And as others have pointed out, the patriarchy is a thing the world over and appears in some form in many religions.

PS I definitely think you and your kids would be welcome in a mosque IF you wanted to go to one! I also think a CofE or Catholic Church would welcome you, not sure why a pp suggested otherwise. I’m a Christian and have been to lots of different churches of various denominations and always felt welcome. Also Sikh and Buddhist temples and even a mosque or two on occasion 🤣 when sightseeing. I’ve never been in a place of worship where I felt unwelcome.

Wow, you are really showing your true colours. Most Muslims are much open minded than you and have many have friends from many religions and of course many would visit a church or temple.

No one os forcing you to visit a mosque, I doubt they give a shit tbh.

I think it boils down to you wanting somewhere to socialise with different people but are not religiously interested in exploring faiths. Which is fine just call it straight as it is -because your posts have been changing wording each time.
Your right churches do have alot of social stuff going on but I don't see how you can have one side and not inevitably get linked into the ' religious side' as everyone else attending will presumably have that in common which could make it hard for you to find that 'link' that your looking for. Same goes with a mosque, yes some are smaller and run less events but most also do family events usually centered around key dates in the islamic faith. I.e. Ramadan- open iftars every night in a mosque everyone's welcome..eid day celebrations x 2 times a year everyones welcome , playgroups,coffee mornings, youth clubs are all run out of mosques but you won't hear of them really unless your part of some of the community methods in which they reach out- even though yes as a women you'd be welcomed. If that's what's holding you back contact the mosque and ask. Alot of them do open days at some point in the year, so go along if your comfortable- within the muslim community ,same as the church one ,your likely to bond more if you have things in common.
Maybe a hobby group could be more your way of building a social network. ? But yes also explore all the places of faith and keep an open mind.

The more you speak the more obvious it is… you should really probably just keep your mouth shut, especially at work.

This

Community is a two street, what are you giving by just going for the entertainment?

Mosques are doing more outreach in the community and rather than recruit they are looking to inform. I have visited mosques, mostly in S. E Asia and I have been made very welcome.

So many people espouse opinions on subjects they know very little about and that ignorance is usually exposed the more they try and explain themselves.

If you’re referring to Islam then I’m Muslim and I’ve been to three different mosques yesterday and three different mosques the day before yesterday. There were areas for women and I prayed alongside other women in each one.

Not all mosques have provision for women but the vast majority do. Women are not obliged to pray in the mosque so most prefer to pray at home, therefore it doesn’t make sense to have the same sized space for men and women.

I’ve travelled to many countries and prayed in many mosques. I’ve never been turned away from any mosque except one mosque in Huddersfield of all places who had a committee that was uninformed and ignorant imo.

Also, to add, if it was a Muslim you spoke to then unless you said something very derogatory, racist or offensive, it’s unlikely he’ll complain. Muslims are used to being insulted due to ignorance and prejudices and intolerance. Just look around MN and you’ll find loads of prejudices due to misinformation. The best way to find out about Islam is to talk to some practicing and educated Muslims in a polite and open conversation.

Echo @JustBeenSleeping entirely.
I can say my warmest welcomes have been from the Muslim community at my dear friends mosque. My experience is one of warmth, love & hospitality. Actually, if you open your heart & mind you’ll learn a lot too. Yes, there are dress codes you’re asked to respect in the mosque, but the Churches require this too.

But, it strikes me as odd you’re looking to religious groups for community with no interest in anything actually religious. I suggest not inflicting yourself on any religious group, as it isn’t any one religions responsibility to entertain your boredom. The reason these communities thrive is because they have an underlying thread of commonality which in religious settings, is their religion.

Well you are not completely wrong. You only have to look at how many Muslim women ARE treated especially in Middle Eastern countries. It's appalling and barbaric and it does not make you a racist for saying this.

I think I said I don’t like how the women are treated by the men in this religion!

You ‘think’ you said it?! Are you not sure?😂

You started off the thread all confused and innocent and then your true feelings emerged. Why not just say your true thoughts, esp here?

Your colleague will have known exactly what you meant. But it’s not worth ruining your weekend over as it’s done now. You can have whatever views you want about any religion. You might upset people but it’s up to you how you express yourself and how you then feel about the consequences.

I am not sure a religious community is for you really though.

You can’t join any religious community and have no intention of praying. I mean I doubt they would throw you out, but you wouldn’t be part of the community.

you can’t join a religion for the “community” and not take part in the actual religion. That’s not how it works.

You sound a bit ignorant rather than racist, maybe you need to have an unconscious bias refresher. If you’re looking for a community maybe look elsewhere than places of worship, as people generally go there to worship God. Yes it is a nice community, whether that’s a church, mosque or other place. You can attend coffee mornings, bake sales but I wouldn’t show up on Sunday’s unless you’re intending to worship God. And all religions have misogyny towards women, some more than others yes. My ex is a muslim and he would agree with you about how women are treated in his religion, so I wouldn’t overly worry, but i’d certainly avoid those kinds of conversations in the workplace as some people could be offended.

this post is such a bait

Why a church then? There are plenty of other communities to be involved in.

About your anxiety at what you did or didn’t say, do you generally have a fear of causing harm or upset? I’m only asking because I can completely relate to dwelling massively on something I have said and how it could have upset or offended someone, and would have dwelled on it for days. For me this is anxiety/Ocd, but I have wasted loads of energy ruminating though I couldn’t seem to help it. Now I tend to say to myself yes, I might have offended, try to sit with it till it passes. Or I would speak to the person straight away.

Plenty of local events are not church/religion orienated or based.
If you're only looking for community, readca local paper to getcan idea what events/clubs/activities are available.
It seems like you need to get some help with anxiety

Like others, I can’t understand the desire to join a religion without any desire to actually follow the religion. The community may be lovely but you won’t be a part of it really if you’re not religious. Unless you intend on pretending to be?!

Islam is not a race it's a faith that welcomes anyone from any background, hence the ginger haired white man converts you see in Facebook posts!

So if you are negative about Islam then you can't be racist.

Yes use an example from someone on the internet from 40 years ago he can't have any comeback to that(!)

I have issues with how women are treated by pretty much all religions that exist. They are a breeding ground for misogynistic men to be worshipped.

But in some religions this presents in a more extreme way than others. I have no issue openly discussing my thoughts. It has nothing to do with racism as I have an issue with all religions.

I experienced horrific things within a middle class, predominantly white pentecostal church growing up.

I've had heated discussions with people from many faiths and most of the women agreed with me but had their own valid reasons for staying in their faith, like fears of isolation and consequences for leaving (which is an issue in itself and happens with many of these religions).

I would stand tall and explain this if questioned. There is nothing wrong with having these opinions. As women we should be talking about how other women are treated.

It's like an abusive relationship. We should support them, be alongside them if they ask for help and not judge... But also feel confident in saying that it isn't right what is happening to them.

It sounds as though you’re more afraid of repercussions than giving offence…

I don’t think it’s racist, can you be racist towards a religion? Religions are made up of people from all different races.

I wouldn’t worry, just make sure you believe what you’ve said. I’d rather go down for something I stand by, if it came to it.

Enjoy your weekend.