Said something really shitty at work and now scared

[Tdhggd]

Please be kind, I’m not in the right frame of mind. I was chatting to a colleague today and usually it’s just casual low key topics like our kids, weekends etc. nothing too political. He’s a religious guy who goes to church, I’m not from a religious background at all but have recently felt there’s something missing and would like to visit a few religious places. I asked his advice and I told him I’ll be open to visiting as many places as I can apart from one (I won’t say which ones content to cause a meltdown). In my head it was just a throwaway comment I don’t really even think I meant it in truth it’s just something that came out. I’m worried now incase he mentions it to someone. It’s a very diverse workplace. Truthfully I have nothing against this religion but in my head I was trying to say I wouldn’t go as I don’t think I’d even be allowed to enter as they very strict. I don’t care what people think of me but I don’t want to hurt some of the people I consider my friends, I don’t want them to hear this and think I’m racism riwards them. I feel like such an idiot saying this and obviously will be more articulate in my explanation. How likely is it he will tell others?

Apologies for the typos. I still genuinely don’t know if women are even allowed in this place of worship!

I have religious friends and I'm not religious myself. I've been honest in not agreeing with sine views but respectful that they do🤷what's the problem?

I wouldn’t worry about it. It doesn’t sound as if you’ve said anything offensive, just more of a throwaway comment. Unless he took it personally I doubt he’s even given it a second thought.

I think we all know which ‘religion’ you said op and I wouldn't worry about it. If your reasons stated are genuine, they’re not racist. You’re allowed to have opinions about religions. It’s fine.

I think you are probably worrying unnecessarily. Religion is such a personal thing and you are allowed to feel an affinity or not with any of them without it upsetting anybody, it’s down to your own reflections and beliefs and it doesn’t sound as if you have said anything insulting or bad. I would also imagine someone who attends church regularly and who is willing to offer you friendly advice on this subject is a fairly tolerant individual who won’t be looking to take offence or get you into trouble with others.

It sounds like you are overthinking this.
I am religious and if someone asked me which church they think they should try, I would quite happily say well if it was me I would go and see X and Y but I would avoid Z as I know it wouldn’t work for me for ___ reason. Nothing disrespectful or ‘racist’, I know loads of people go there and love it and that is great but it’s just not me. Sounds like you said something similar.
Perhaps for peace of mind keep religion out of the workplace

Yes, women are allowed in mosques but separate from the men’s areas.

If you don't want to go in a mosque, it doesn't make you racist. It makes you ...not a practicing Muslim. Which is what you are. So it's fine.

You are fine OP. Stop thinking about it now

Take him aside tomorrow and clear the air and be explicit that you meant no offence. Say you’ve had a think about it and it came out completely wrong.

I’m going over and over what I said and I think I said I don’t like how the women are treated by the men in this religion! I really didn’t mean to say this and I know some lovely men and women of this religion who I work with. I’m really ashamed if they hear this. I’m so stupid saying this but I was genuinely in my head planning which places to take my kids to to introduce them to different religions. I suppose you can say something about every religion and paint it in a bad way but I can’t believe those words came out of me

I agree with the previous comments.
It’s only a problem if you elaborated and gave racist reasons for not wanting to visit that particular place of worship.

Women have historically been treated badly by men in all religions. Women have been treated terribly by men and women in the Catholic Church, so you might want to avoid that.

I’m Catholic and people criticise my religion a lot and as long as it’s a fair criticism I accept it ( even if it is uncomfortable to hear)
Most religious people are ok with responding to questions or even criticism as long as it comes from a place of genuine interest rather than bigotry.

it did genuinely come from a place where I want to build a community for my children and be able to go somewhere once a week for family events which is why I asked him. He does seem a little like he likes to talk a lot to everyone and I can see him now without thinking and talking to people about this!

How did he react/respond when you said it?

im really bad at seeing peoples reactions @alphabetcrayons i think I maybe on the spectrum. I did see something there but not sure if he was agreeing or suprised I said that.

I think you are overthinking. Just say to him tomorrow that you had been thinking about your comment and worrying that it sounded overly negative and wasn't him too know you did not mean it how it came out!

Do you think your new office nickname will be Tommy Robinson?

Problem is I’m part time so won’t see him till next week! I’m worried I will be thinking about this and wreck my weekend, I really wish I was normal and not this anxious idiot

The issue here OP is that you are open to all religions, bar one. You want to take your children to all places of worship, bar one. What are you teaching your kids? You might think it's an innocent mistake but you're teaching your children that all religions are accessible, bar one. As a PP said, many men of other religions have treated women badly but that doesn't seem to be a concern for you. It sounds to me like you're more worried about being caught out than holding your bigoted views in the first place. But don't worry, your Muslim colleagues will have seen through the facade already. We're pretty good at that after having to live and work around islamophobes everyday.

@JustBeenSleeping but how would I be welcomed if I took my kids there this week? I’m not arguing I’m just genuinely asking you? Would we be welcome just going as we are? What would my kids do there? I know in the local church they are going summer fayre after so I wouldn’t feel uneasy going there. I’m not after religion I’m after a community do please tell me the truth knowing this how will I be welcomed into the mosque? I have no intention of praying I just want a community - can I just go and chat to the men s women s d other kids there? Tell me what I do so I can consider it

Women are treated well in Islam compared with some other religions. It’s probably best not to talk about religion or politics in the workplace.

*and

Just email the place and ask 😳