Said something really shitty at work and now scared

[Tdhggd]

Please be kind, I’m not in the right frame of mind. I was chatting to a colleague today and usually it’s just casual low key topics like our kids, weekends etc. nothing too political. He’s a religious guy who goes to church, I’m not from a religious background at all but have recently felt there’s something missing and would like to visit a few religious places. I asked his advice and I told him I’ll be open to visiting as many places as I can apart from one (I won’t say which ones content to cause a meltdown). In my head it was just a throwaway comment I don’t really even think I meant it in truth it’s just something that came out. I’m worried now incase he mentions it to someone. It’s a very diverse workplace. Truthfully I have nothing against this religion but in my head I was trying to say I wouldn’t go as I don’t think I’d even be allowed to enter as they very strict. I don’t care what people think of me but I don’t want to hurt some of the people I consider my friends, I don’t want them to hear this and think I’m racism riwards them. I feel like such an idiot saying this and obviously will be more articulate in my explanation. How likely is it he will tell others?

I'd just check out individual places near you rather than focusing on the actual religion; there might be some that put community first. For example, a church near me does a weekly meet-the-neighbours lunch with music and no religion involved.

OP Instead of focusing on becoming part of a community through a religion, you could join a volunteer group or do some charity work.

You'd get to know your community, help others and teach your children the gift of giving back.

You might find groups via on local Facebook groups, libraries, community centres.

Perhaps just leave religion aside and take your children on walks, to the local library, school events.

Just go and find this person when you are next at work and be honest. Say you have been going over and over the conversation in your mind and you are worried that you caused offence which was the last thing on your mind! And, if appropriate, apologise. Any decent person will understand op because you are obviously being sincere about not wanting to upset anyone.

I'm not religious at all but as far as I am aware these communities operate like most things in life you get out what you put in but you don't want to put anything in, you just want free entertainment for your family? Can you not just go to the park or the zoo or something, it seems like it would suit you better.

Please don’t worry OP.

It’s ok to feel more of an attraction to some expressions of faith than others. I’m a Christian and people have been very frank with me over the years about what they dislike about my beliefs - I don’t let it get to me. They’re entitled to their opinions.

It’s a very personal choice and I don’t think anyone should make you feel bad about that.

I hope you find what you’re looking for.

Perhaps a place of worship is not what you need to be looking at, what about a local community project that you can all be involved with, or an organisation like scouts, they are desperate for leaders and the community around those organisations could give you that sense of belonging that you say you want.
If it is a kind of worship that you are wanting, is there a Unitarian church/chapel near you? It's a non Trinitarian religion, Jesus was a prophet not a god, so it's not Christian (but probably is most similar to Christianity), or Jewish, or Muslim, or Sikh...and are welcoming of all people wanting to explore their spirituality. Google them, that might be what you're looking for.

Hey, you do you love! Nobody is asking you to go to a mosque. You suggested it yourself and then you started backtracking. It's fine, you just carry on as you are!

I'm sure you'll get away with it at work. Most people do since we're systemically Islamophobic in this country. But take the advice given by others and just stick to small talk in the office in future. 👍🏽

If I was him I would tell others and I don’t buy your explanation.

I'm presuming someone you knew was a follower of the faith you 'excluded' didn't overhear? If not then I can't imagine it could be taken offensively.

You've realised that it could have been hurtful to followers of that faith to hear someone say that; so that kind of shows you didn't mean any harm by it.

You've acknowledged it was a bit unwise to say as in fact you're not 'anti' any religion particularly.

So just move on and forget it. It's clear you didn't mean or say anything remotely with malice.

Well you best avoid Catholicism as well.

But it's factual 🤷 In the same way it's factual for me to say Christianity has subjugated women for centuries. You're allowed to criticise religion. It doesn't make you racist.

Hi OP. I've been to 2 or 3 family events hosted at mosques, as well as open days and interfaith services Some friends and I baked some cakes for local mosques because we felt bad after the Christchurch mosque attack. We were always made welcome (and ate well!). I wouldn't go regularly though as I'm a Christian.

What area are you in, more or less? I'm a Roman Catholic but for work reasons I know a lot of different places of various religious persuasions.

Though from what you say, Quakers or C of E does sound like a good shout.

You can google. Women go to synagogues, mosques, Hindu temples and all Christian churches. In many synagogues the sexes are segregated during worship, Hindu temples do not permit females while they are menstruating. There is no male-only religion to the best of my knowledge.

The mosque near me invites people from the community to come the first Saturday of every month to learn about the religion and tour the mosque itself. You have to wear long sleeves and a long skirt/pants, and you have to cover your hair when you're inside parts of the mosque, but they're very happy to share their faith with people. Maybe the one near you does something similar.

OP, are you looking for community events to attend or a group to join? At first it sounded like you wanted to join a religion and then it just devolved. If you want to expose your kids to multiple religions, do. If you want to go to fun fairs and bake sales, do. Mosques have charity events and also will welcome you and your kids to the service, the Hindu temples I’ve been to also would, but don’t have someone to show you around. The Christian and Catholic churches I’ve been to have had a mix. I’ve never been to a synagogue but would if invited. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints was too excited to welcome me.

Watch out, your nose will be growing like Pinocchio with those lies...

@Tdhggd it is not OK to make Islamophobic comments at work.

There are good and bad people in every religion.

You cannot make Islamophobic remarks at work. Your Muslim colleagues will be hurt if they hear you have said you would never take your children to a mosque.

Words are like toothpaste - you can’t take push them back into the tube.

You need to educate yourself about different religions, because prejudice means “pre-judging” people.

I understand that you are looking for a community. I was educated at a Church of England primary school and was taught a faith. I don’t go to church now, but I took my child to church. There is plenty of misogyny in the Church of England and I taught my child to recognise it.

Every religion will teach children to pray to God. If you don’t believe in God, it doesn’t really matter because your children get to play with other children. My child went to a non-religious primary school and had friends of all faiths. It’s OK to believe or not believe. It’s not OK to teach your children that Muslims treat women badly.

I'm a Christian and part of a local Parish (C of E) church.

It's very possible to be involved and not be religious but you may like the religious side. You may also find your kids get involved!

If you really don't want to be religious, why not be a volunteer in your community.

Good luck.

I wouldn't see anything wrong with that.
You're looking for a religion you'd feel comfortable in, and being kept separate from men and expected to cover in a way that isn't typical in British culture isn't what you're looking for, thats understandable. You didn't say anything horrible just that you personally don't like elements of it so aren't interested in it.
Strict Jewish practices can be similar in treatment of women, the elements I saw in Israel years ago anyway. I'm not sure if it's the same in Britain or not.

You don't want to pray or get involved with the religion, or bring the kids up as Christian, but you want to go to churches/other religious settings for the community feel of it. Ok, instead of churches/religious places, what about a local WI (for you), and something like cubs/scouts for the kids (to get the community feel)?

FWIW, when my parents died, we had people from all different backgrounds and religions at their funerals (held in a Church). I'm Christian (Assyrian Church of the East), and wouldn't hesitate to take my DC to a Mosque, Synagogue or Temple....or to a C of E Church or RC Church (or whichever place would have us there!). I love interfaith gatherings and events! On a far, far bigger scale (than weddings/funerals in my family!), look at all the religious leaders who attended Pope Francis' funeral on Saturday. As long as people are respectful then there's no problem. In my Church, we welcome everyone - though they'd have to be prepared for the 3hr service for Mass, the incense and the fact that we say our prayers/sing hymns in Aramaic!

Another FWIW: Islam, Judaism and Christianity are Abrahamic religions - in that, we all believe in the same God (i.e. the God of Abraham). Muslims will call Him Allah, and Jewish people will call Him Yahweh. It's not unheard of for Muslims to attend Churches. Again, referring to Pope Francis' funeral, both the chief Rabbi of Rome, and the Imam from the Mosque of Rome attended.

PS @Crayola23, I completely agree with everything you wrote!

Excellent post

Just a story which I think might help. In the early 80s I did a module on comparitive religions with the OU, and they took us to the recently built Regents Park mosque. To our amazement, the mixed group were shown the even more recently built washing area for men, full of men washing who were (unsurprisingly) rather put out to have a bunch of women visiting this area.

So now you can say that one of your concerns is based on the experience of a friend.....

(Having said all that, it was an excellent, eye opening module which opened my eyes to lots of great things in all the religions we visited. I especially loved the Sikhs, who had framed photos and icons representing all the religious leaders of other faiths as venerated people. Fab inclusivity!)

You just want a community, not to pray? Go to community centre then? People in places of worship are tied by the thing they have in common which is their religion or church. What would you do there? Talk sports?
I find it weird that you start with a nice innocent openning post but as further you go into explaining your motives the more your mask drops. You said it just came out...but then went to say you don't like how women are treated in that religion. Quite a lot that "just came out" if you ask me.
Also, yes, maybe muslims don't go in churches but why do they have to? Is it compulsory, is anyone forcing anyone going into any church? Why are you using this as a defence? I think you are not as innocent as you want us to believe and you are actually shit stirrer, or at least that's what you come across.