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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not asking DD21 if she wanted dinner tonight

148 replies

ML5 · 30/04/2025 21:10

Finished work 530pm, DH picked me up after his work (he finished at 4pm so was home 430pm)we got home and I started to make dinner. DH had already told me that DS24 and DD21 had already just eaten so I didn’t ask them if they wanted dinner (usually I do ask but as DH had already told me they had both just eaten I didn’t ask them).
DD21 comes downstairs and says what’s for dinner (just to add DD21 does not work nor does DS24) she then starts getting very rude towards me which then makes me/DH argue.
AIBU to not of saved her some dinner when DH had already of told me she had just eaten?

OP posts:
DinaofCloud9 · 30/04/2025 21:11

Why were you making the dinner when everyone else was home before you?

Cheeky buggers.

Original poster
ML5 · 30/04/2025 21:12

Also she complained about the lack of food in the fridge and as she doesn’t work I should make sure fridge is filled up.
Not sure if I am being unreasonable or she is right and according to DH I should at least fill the fridge up properly during the week

OP posts:
Sirzy · 30/04/2025 21:13

If they aren’t working (or studying) they should be making dinner for the rest of the house!

Dragonsandcats · 30/04/2025 21:13

DinaofCloud9 · 30/04/2025 21:11

Why were you making the dinner when everyone else was home before you?

Cheeky buggers.

completely agree!

Blackbookofsmiles1 · 30/04/2025 21:14

Had just eaten what? If a snack then dinner would still be needed. I assume she wasn’t asking for two dinners?

Your DH should be cooking, or the kids, your last home!

Sirzy · 30/04/2025 21:14

ML5 · 30/04/2025 21:12

Also she complained about the lack of food in the fridge and as she doesn’t work I should make sure fridge is filled up.
Not sure if I am being unreasonable or she is right and according to DH I should at least fill the fridge up properly during the week

Sod that! I would buy food for yourself and let the rest fend for themselves for a week!

IggyAce · 30/04/2025 21:14

Why is it your responsibility to ensure the fridge is stocked? Your husband finished work before you surely he could have gone to the supermarket.
Why arent your adult children working?

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 30/04/2025 21:16

DinaofCloud9 · 30/04/2025 21:11

Why were you making the dinner when everyone else was home before you?

Cheeky buggers.

Yeah, absolutely this.
Princess needs to step out of the glass slippers and get something done.

Original poster
ML5 · 30/04/2025 21:17

Blackbookofsmiles1 · 30/04/2025 21:14

Had just eaten what? If a snack then dinner would still be needed. I assume she wasn’t asking for two dinners?

Your DH should be cooking, or the kids, your last home!

DD had just had a Nando’s takeaway 1 hour before I got home at 530 and then came down at 830 saying why didn’t you save me dinner

OP posts:
Bruisername · 30/04/2025 21:18

I know it’s hard to get out of the ‘mum’ role but you need to stop doing things for them

What do they do all day?

and you can tell your husband that he’s a fully functioning adult too so he can fill the fridge and make dinners

Bruisername · 30/04/2025 21:18

ML5 · 30/04/2025 21:17

DD had just had a Nando’s takeaway 1 hour before I got home at 530 and then came down at 830 saying why didn’t you save me dinner

Show quote history

Is this a wind up?

BelfastBard · 30/04/2025 21:19

Why are neither of them employed? And why does they have the expectation as adults that you should be providing their dinner?

SilverButton · 30/04/2025 21:20

OP you need to stand up for yourself. Clearly YANBU.

Numberfish · 30/04/2025 21:21

ML5 · 30/04/2025 21:12

Also she complained about the lack of food in the fridge and as she doesn’t work I should make sure fridge is filled up.
Not sure if I am being unreasonable or she is right and according to DH I should at least fill the fridge up properly during the week

Bless you. I always wondered where selfish, entitled kids came from.

PoorUncleBarry · 30/04/2025 21:24

I think my late mother would have happily beat me up if I demanded dinner and copped an attitude with her too at age 21. Time to start sending her job advert links to Indeed or similar and casually drop houses to let into the conversation.

CaptainFuture · 30/04/2025 21:25

ML5 · 30/04/2025 21:17

DD had just had a Nando’s takeaway 1 hour before I got home at 530 and then came down at 830 saying why didn’t you save me dinner

Show quote history

How's she paying for this? What's her plans for the future and independence?

TomatoSandwiches · 30/04/2025 21:26

2 twenty year olds, not working, getting a random takeaway in (how'd they pay for that ) kicking off because you didn't save princess some second dinner ( is she a hobbit ffs ) and reckons YOU, her working mother should pay for and provide a full fridge for her to gorge on whilst she what? Fucks about at home in La La land all day instead of doing anything productive?

Fuck that.

TomatoSandwiches · 30/04/2025 21:27

PoorUncleBarry · 30/04/2025 21:24

I think my late mother would have happily beat me up if I demanded dinner and copped an attitude with her too at age 21. Time to start sending her job advert links to Indeed or similar and casually drop houses to let into the conversation.

I wouldn't have dared, what's gone wrong with this new lot?!

Dollshousedolly · 30/04/2025 21:28

Why does your DH think it’s your role to keep the fridge full ? Why can’t he ? Why can’t adult children ?

MadeForThis · 30/04/2025 21:35

Nando’s is not cheap. Why can’t she buy groceries instead of wasting money on takeout in the afternoon??

Original poster
ML5 · 30/04/2025 21:37

MadeForThis · 30/04/2025 21:35

Nando’s is not cheap. Why can’t she buy groceries instead of wasting money on takeout in the afternoon??

Because according to DD21 the fridge was empty and she was hungry
So I told her maybe you should get yourself a job and do the weekly shop to have food to eat

OP posts:
TeenageRooster · 30/04/2025 21:41

Dollshousedolly · 30/04/2025 21:28

Why does your DH think it’s your role to keep the fridge full ? Why can’t he ? Why can’t adult children ?

Yep, seems like everyone in your house has a lot of opinions about what you should be doing, while not doing anything themselves.

Also, was the 'fridge empty' that version of empty that = 'didn't fancy anything I could see'?

Dweetfidilove · 30/04/2025 21:41

She's jobless but expects you to make her dinner.

She's jobless, can afford Nandos, but cannot buy some groceries.

You didn't tell her to get lost and your husband expects you to facilitate this foolishness.

How long will you remain the resident skivvy that everyone takes the piss out of?

LittleLabrador · 30/04/2025 21:41

Why are you letting her live with you and speak to you like crap and not work? Is there a back story here? Why is everyone expecting you to make dinner and you just seem fine with this?

Surferosa · 30/04/2025 21:42

PoorUncleBarry · 30/04/2025 21:24

I think my late mother would have happily beat me up if I demanded dinner and copped an attitude with her too at age 21. Time to start sending her job advert links to Indeed or similar and casually drop houses to let into the conversation.

My mother is alive, but similarly at 21 I would have probably have ended up being cooked for dinner if I'd made demands of my parents ensuring the fridge was full and them cooking my dinner for me! I lived at home at 21 but I made my own meals and did my own shopping. Your daughter sounds incredibly rude and immature.