AIBU for not asking DD21 if she wanted dinner tonight

[ML5]

Finished work 530pm, DH picked me up after his work (he finished at 4pm so was home 430pm)we got home and I started to make dinner. DH had already told me that DS24 and DD21 had already just eaten so I didn’t ask them if they wanted dinner (usually I do ask but as DH had already told me they had both just eaten I didn’t ask them).
DD21 comes downstairs and says what’s for dinner (just to add DD21 does not work nor does DS24) she then starts getting very rude towards me which then makes me/DH argue.
AIBU to not of saved her some dinner when DH had already of told me she had just eaten?

Good grief. Who made you their skivvy?

My DDs are the same age and are both currently out of work.
DD1 moved out in summer 2023 but is temporarily moving back in with us this weekend for a couple of weeks before moving to the city her fiancé lives in (she has had 2 job interviews this week in his city). She is a qualified teacher who dropped out of her probationary year because her mental health couldn't deal with it. When she discussed moving back in with us her first offer was that she would cook on the days I am in the office.
DD2 dropped out of uni a couple of months ago and still lives at home. She has another interview this week. I batch cook for the freezer and she often makes pasta or rice and reheats a meal from the freezer for me coming in from work. She also happily cooks meals from scratch (usually vegetarian) and will either add ingredients to my shopping list if it's not something we routinely have in the house or she will go to the supermarket herself. Whilst she is looking for a job/apprenticeship she is volunteering a couple of days a week for a local charity. She also sorts out laundry without being asked.
We always have basic ingredients (bagels, wraps, pasta, rice, cheese, cold meat, onions, peppers, potatoes, tins, herbs, etc) in the house so that there are lunches for anyone at home (DH always WFH) but there is always some effort required to make a meal and the fridge never contains meals; if the fridge is full it contains ingredients rather than meals. There are also individual meals in the freezer (most recipes cater for 4 and since DD1 moved out the extra portions have gone into the freezer).

They could have bought groceries on Deliveroo rather than Nando's.

Totally agree with previous posters, there’s no way I’d be cooking for, cleaning for or in any other way enabling two unemployed 20-somethings in my house! I’d be giving them a deadline to find a job or move out!

There's something completely unreasonable about eating a Nandos at 4:30 pm in the first place.

Then to complain you're hungry four hours later is a piss take.

Who needs to eat four hours after having a Nandos takeaway? I wouldn't be able to eat for the rest of the day!

Why does your husband think it's your role to fill the fridge and serve the three other adults in the house? Is he a misogynist?
Why aren't your adult kids functional? You shouldn't let either of them continue to make a mug of you.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable on this occasion but you seem to have created two selfcentred monsters - you reap what you sow.

Thai new lot are totally wrapped up in themselves and exactly how the OP has described..they won’t leave!

it’s a bloody mess I have a 21 & 18 year old and OP you need to throw those DD out on their arses, charge rent, give them chores, make life hell so the buggers move out and get some independence.

Oh yeah. They’re all right. You should fill up the fridge. And prioritise your adult children. Who cares if they don’t work. Cook. Clean. Don’t moan.

ffs some people's lives

Was going to say all this.

Your DH is not helping you. You and him need to be a team, on the same side.

I mean. It doesn’t sound crazy to me that you’ve raised children that are awful adults like this

You should have told her to feel free to fill the fridge and cupboards up.
Why are they not working?

This.

IMO you Need to book a week off and go somewhere totally relaxing with out those 3 entitled excuses for adults. First you need to run down all food in cupboards,fridge and freezer. Totally ridiculous they think you should run around after them when you have been at work all day, don't give them too much notice either.

Is your DH their father? Asking because he doesn’t seem like a parent to them.

I can’t bear reading about women being doormats. Esp mothers. OP assert yourself, please. My kids are similar ages to yours and no way would they behave like this. In any case, I would not stand for it.

Is that a joke?

she should be using her job seekers to contribute. And if she’s not claiming she needs to so she can contribute and get a bloody job.

She needs to be serious with that attitude

Neither of your adult children work? You have bigger issues than her rudeness over dinner.

You are not the problem.
Your DC and DH are being lazy CF’s.
Time for them to grow up, get a job, and get some responsibilities. And for DH to share the load!

Exactly! All we needed was the look to know to stand down.
At 21 with this attitude she'd probably unalive me for being an ass.
And my dad would help her disappear the evidence - not be arguing with her about feeding me.

Sorry but op is a shit parent too. Who raises their kids like this and on top of that has to ask random internet people if it’s ok?

there are now two more adults in the world with no skills, respect or wherewithal. Well done

Why didn't she order Nando's for the whole household?

Why doesn't your DH keep the fridge filled up since he's so keenly aware of the need and feels it's a basic necessity?

It sounds like you live with twats who think that their time is more valuable and their feelings more important than yours. They're wrong.

At this point I wouldn’t be cooking for any of the useless buggers for the next week to make a point. What a bunch of chancers!

OP this is a problem entirely of your own making.
You have raised your children to be selfish & thoughtless.

If you are normally cooking for everyone and stocking the fridge and always have done they are expecting it and complaining when it doesn’t happen. I think you need to re-set and tell everyone that there are now four adults living in the house and some of them have a lot more time than you. It’s not your responsibility to wait on everyone. Have a think how you would like things to run in future ( a rota for cooking? Grabbing your own meals in the week?). Include your husband, he knows where the supermarket is.. If they don’t co operate after you have spoken to them just make yourself something.