AIBU for not asking DD21 if she wanted dinner tonight

[ML5]

Finished work 530pm, DH picked me up after his work (he finished at 4pm so was home 430pm)we got home and I started to make dinner. DH had already told me that DS24 and DD21 had already just eaten so I didn’t ask them if they wanted dinner (usually I do ask but as DH had already told me they had both just eaten I didn’t ask them).
DD21 comes downstairs and says what’s for dinner (just to add DD21 does not work nor does DS24) she then starts getting very rude towards me which then makes me/DH argue.
AIBU to not of saved her some dinner when DH had already of told me she had just eaten?

This.

YABU in allowing this situation to continue. Your grown up children need to get jobs and start to become functioning adults. Also if they are living rent free in your house then they need to start contributing, both financially and by doing chores (eg getting dinner ready for YOU).

Suggest they start paying you rent for their living expenses. And both should contribute to food bills and help out fairly with chores. Unbelievable.

It is not your responsibility to make sure the fridge is filled up so they can help themselves.
When I take responsibility for feeding the household I fill the fridge up- but no one is allowed to use anything in it that might be earmarked for a meal- so really their only options in my fridge would be milk and bread, anyone who runs the household out of these staples has to replenish them.
You need to have a talk with them all-if it's your responsibility, despite your working longer hours than anyone, then you control it- if DH finishes earlier than you why doesn't he do the shopping?
Anyone ordering a takeaway 2 hours or less before a meal automatically opts themselves out of that meal- it's just downright disrespectful expecting you to still feed them.
Tell them the ground rules if anyone complains tell them to do their own shopping and cooking- end of story. They all, including your husband need to start showing you a bit more respect-or get cooking themselves.

Hi op,

she is 21 no? Can she work?
I hope she helps you in some capacity at all!!!

He finishes work 1.5 hours before you! He can go straight from work to fill up the fridge. Also a non working adult child can definitely do this in the day. Do they study?

I have children that age and if I got attitude like that from them or my husband I certainly would be downing tools, eating at work, and not doing a single thing for any of them.

Your husband us a disgrace. Tell him to fill the fridge if he is so concerned.

Bloody hell OP, put them all in their place.
The rudeness and disrespect is completely unacceptable.

Sorry to be so blunt but you’re a mug Op to put up with this from both your DD & DH! You were last home so one of the others should have cooked & they’d have gotten short shrift from me to even think about complaining about what’s in the fridge!

Aren't they big enough to make a sandwich?

Are you reading the posts op? Your replies seem to suggest you’re not reading the comment you’re replying to.

You have an issue with your DH as you probably realise.

What on earth have I just read??
YABU not to take control of the situation and make it clear that things need to change.
With three other grown adults in the house, they should all be pulling their weight and doing their fair share of the cooking, cleaning and other household chores.
You need to make it clear that it is your expectation this happens and stop bending over backwards to accommodate everyone else's demands and needs.
You are allowing them to treat you like a doormat, and they're wiping their feet on you.

There comes a time in life when it's healthy to move out of home and become a fully fledged adult supporting and being responsible for yourself. That time is now OP, so I suggest you pack up, move out and leave those three useless, entitled and selfish bastards to it. I can't believe they expect you to come home from work, restock a fridge with snacks and cook for them, while two of them have been sat on their arse all day and your husband is home nearly two hours before you.

I agree.

When DD moved home last summer after her tenancy ended, she cooked nearly all meals until she found a job. In her case she had been independent since she went to university then staying on in her university city to work for a couple of years afterwards. She needed some shadowing experience before applying for her masters and found a job as soon as she had achieved this.

Fortunately, her degree and work experience are in demand and she was offered three interviews and found a job as soon as she started looking.

@ML5 I realise the job market is quite difficult at the moment, but are your DC actively looking for paid employment? And why do they not cook?

What are your reasons for staying in this situation op? Does it make you happy?

it sounds to me like your husband has treated you like a skivvy with zero respect for you for probably decades. The children have learnt this and now treat you the same.

this is always mentioned in the threads where women are staying in awful marriages ‘for the kids’. And it’s always pointed out to them, ‘look what will happen to your children if this is what you role model.’ And, lo.

Does your DD have additional needs?

Your kids are lazy arses, I've been soft with mine in the past but this is another level.

Why 4 kievs if only two of you are eating?

This!

Time for both to start being independent. Jobs are first step unless there's a good reason why they can't work, followed by a contribution to the household budget. I think you're being a bit of a doormat to everyone in the house.

@FrenchandSaunders

maybe she was cooking extra for lunch tomorrow or something?

DS24 has always been DS24 check the OP.

So, you have a DC and a DH problem. If you let it continue and not stop them from walking all over you, it's on you.

Your DC should be making the daily dinner as they have the time. It's sad that they are allowed to behave like that and treat you like that; but they get it from your DH, so there's that.

Sod dinner, why don’t they have jobs?

My mum would never cook for me at that age (I had moved out so it wasn't an issue)! But my OH is the same. He expects me to bend and scrape to my almost 20 year old, and cook and shop for them all. I work full time and spend a couple of days a week away from home.
He moans if he has to buy stuff during the week, but they eat everything I buy at the weekend and when I get back later in the week, there is usually nothing left!