AIBU for not asking DD21 if she wanted dinner tonight

[ML5]

Finished work 530pm, DH picked me up after his work (he finished at 4pm so was home 430pm)we got home and I started to make dinner. DH had already told me that DS24 and DD21 had already just eaten so I didn’t ask them if they wanted dinner (usually I do ask but as DH had already told me they had both just eaten I didn’t ask them).
DD21 comes downstairs and says what’s for dinner (just to add DD21 does not work nor does DS24) she then starts getting very rude towards me which then makes me/DH argue.
AIBU to not of saved her some dinner when DH had already of told me she had just eaten?

If DD21 only got fired a month ago I would have thought you could feed her or at least provide food for her to eat. Anyone can go through a period of unemployment. If long term and she seemed lazy that would be different but a month is nothing.

DD24 has turned into a he?

If your kids don’t work (why?) they should have a meal ready for you and your husband when you get in after work. If not ready then at least prepared and ready to cook….which they should do!

At their ages you should most definitely not be keeping the fridge stocked up for them. I hope they are taking care of all the housework ad well.

There is always food for her to eat she didn’t fancy what was in fridge - she’s not being neglected so don’t worry

Why was DD fired? Is she looking for another job? Not sure what you can do without being the bad guy in your home as your DH is completely undermining you. Do you think you and DH would be able to have a conversation about this away from them?

I don't think anyone is concerned about the unemployed woman being neglected.
Any thoughts on the unanimous replies OP?

Surely you know that you aren't being unreasonable. You have two adults that don't work and a DH that finishes work before you but you are expected to make the dinner when you get in.

Your DD doesn't need a dinner if she eats a Nando's takeaway at 4.30 pm.

Whenever my adult DS came down and asked what's for dinner, he quite often got the response "whatever you're cooking?" I can't believe you've got 2 non working adults in the house sitting around waiting for you to cook their meals when you get in from work.
They are no doubt living at home rent free. Give them a list of jobs to do and tell them you expect dinner on the table when you get home.

And if she's not working, she could do the grocery shop too.

DD needs to remove her crown, get her arse kicked into touch and be told a list of jobs she needs to do around the house whilst she’s (I assume) looking for a job. At 21 I would expect her to get on with stuff, but clearly not in this instance.
She sounds incredibly entitled

Nothing to stop DS helping out between tutoring

And why is it your job to come home (later than your DH) and sort food for everyone.
Fuck no.

I’d be drawing up a rota of who does what from now on.

No-one expects her to starve, but I would question the assumption that it's OK for her to be still out of work a month later. People in the hospitality and care industries are absolutely desperate for staff.

YABU for having two adult children living in your home, with seemingly no agreement in place (between you and your DH) about what your expectations are, in terms of household chores and expenses being shared fairly amongst all residents.

The fact you are asking if you’re being unreasonable is the reason why your children seem spoiled.

Agree with this. You can't really do all the shopping and cooking for everyone and then one day suddenly not do it when they have come to expect it, nevertheless things have changed and its no longer your responsibility .
You need to make expectations clear, otherwise there will be a confusing free for all where people are all cooking their own food at unpredictable times, leaving a mess and you can't get in your own kitchen. You and your husband need to agree what you want and get a routine going where everyone is pulling their weight. (That includes him, although at present your children have more time than either of you).

Is this a joke? Why on earth are you making dinner for adults who you live with that have time on their hands? The dynamic is all wrong. Swerving the obvious of why they aren't working and contributing they should be making the house neat and tidy, doing laundry, shopping, cleaning and cooking until they find work. STOP COOKING FOR THEM. I'm not surprised DH is pissed off.

Why can’t your DH fill the fridge? @ML5

It's ridiculously entitled. My mother would have laughed in my face. I knew better than to act like the world revolved around me.

Stop pandering to this shite, OP.

Why do neither of your adult children Work

I wouldn't put up with such nonsense. What have yoiu created?

Seems to me that any responsible adult who’s planning on eating supper would alert the chef.
And any decent person would tell the person cooking that they won’t be dining that evening.
It’s common sense and common courtesy.
You aren’t being unreasonable, OP.
You don’t kiss the kook.
You kiss the cook.

Are they your kids too? Or just his?
Why is he/ they faffing about while you work and THEN expect you to cook for yourself AND them?
Are they not adult enough to make meals for themselves AND you?
What a bunch of useless people.

Why are you cooking when you are the last person home?

I have a 22 year old who isnt working at the moment due to epilepsy and medical problems due to a seizure a couple of months ago.

I work 3 days a week, DH works full time. DD 22 does all the cleaning, sorts the washing, deals with the recycling and preps, if not cooks, dinner on the 3 nights I work. She would do the shopping but she cant drive due to her epilepsy.

You are living with 3 adults but you are doing the parenting for all of them!

Sorry misunderstood the DH attitude. He needs to get a grip too. I really feel sorry for you!!

Why isn't your 21 year old DD doing the cooking and house work while you are at work? Why did they get fired and why haven't they signed on. Oh and yes you can sign on while living with parents you just get a very basic rate, but it is important for continuity of national insurance stamps.

I said yabu, which you are. For cooking and shopping when there are 2 unemployed adults in the household who should be doing this stuff.

Absolutely fuck that, 2 x 20 something yr olds can’t make themselves something to eat?!! What have I just read? My 11 yr old can make himself a basic dinner/ get himself a snack! And by his own omission he’s basically helpless! (He’s not, just thinks he is!) 😣 I think there’s something tragically wrong that adults can’t make their own dinner and you’re doing for them! Have they ever lived apart from you?

At 21 and 24 I would remind them they are adults and if they want food i dont buy they know where the shops are. I would also inform them that I will be cooking 1 in 4 nights from now on.