To be pee'd off that ppl think single mums are loaded!!!

[LonelySingleMummy]

I am a single mum of a 6 month old boy and struggle!!! A lot of ppl think single parents get loads of benefits etc and have a cushy life ?!? Who? What? Where? !!!
For the 1st 4 weeks of my son's life i breastfed but i couldnt afford to eat more than one meal a day so i had to bottle feed (another expense) by this time my tax credits had come thru cos yes i was a worker. This helped me out but I am by no means well off and struggle every week. I have to sell the house before they repossess. I can't afford any little luxuries like wine or take aways. I go nowhere and meet no-one. Who says I get more than anyone else.
Sorry rant over lol

her last comment to me "Would you say that the unemployed shouldnt be entitled to a point of view about, for instance, the minimum wage?? Because they don't have a job?? Sheesh " (Note the "Sheesh". She is assuming that this is my opinion.)

If you post your opinion, and show that you haven't got much experience to back it up, people will say so. That is not the same as saying you aren't entitled to have an opinioin, just that I dont rate it much.

Eg if you post that the problems of single mothers would be solved if parents stayed together, it does suggest that you dont have a lot of personal experience of divorce and single parenthood.

ssd - thank you. Have just looked back at my last post which doesnt make any assumptions whatsoever! It actually points out that everyone is entitled to have a viewpoint! I said that you don't have to be a lone parent to know about or have experience of the benefits system. That is a fact.
I'm certainly not going to feel I can't post. I think it's healthy that people can have a voice and state their views. The argument about 'not having enough life experience to be able to voice an opinion' is an piss-poor argument which we could all throw at each other if we chose to - it means nothing.
My view, in essence, is that we need a fair benefits system which doesnt discriminate against any sector of society. If society feels it is important for a parent to have the option be at home until their youngest child is 7, then this option should be available to all parents, coupled or single. If society doesnt feel it's essential for parents to have that option, then make it easier for all parents to have affordable childcare to enable them to work. Simple. It doesnt have to be a lone parent/couples issue.Someone suggested earlier that it's ok for couples because they just have to downsize a bit and stop wanting a big house etc etc. Well, I find that view offensive. Try telling a low waged young couple who can't afford rent/council tax on a small flat or house on one income to 'downsize'- bollocks!
And of course all parents should take responsibility for their children, whether they remain as a couple or not. The financial side of this can be enforced, and should be. It is not the responsibility of the state to pick up the bills for parents who have children and don't want to support them. The emotional responsibility is of course another matter. Sadly you can't force someone to take an interest in their child and engage with them if they choose not to. But again, that's not the fault of society, it's the fault of parents who choose to not take responsibility.

And actually I have NEVER suggested that parents 'should' stay together!! I'm saying that if they split up, they still continue to be parents!!

criticising what you say is NOT the same as saying that you mustn't post. As I have already said many times.

I already posted why I dont agree with your opinion in your last post, not going to carry on repeating myself ad infinitem.

'If you post your opinion, and show that you haven't got much experience to back it up, people will say so.'

That is not criticising my point of view. It is telling me that I don't have the life experience for my views to be valid. You know NOTHING about my history or circumstances. How dare you make such assumptions? I wouldnt presume to tell you that i 'know' what your life experiences are.
I've actually changed my mind and no longer wish to post on MN. I thought it was about open honest debate, not slagging people off and telling them they 'don't know how lucky they are' and that they have 'no life experience'.
I'm tempted to tell you just how much fucking shit has gone on in my life. But clearly I won't get any support, so I won't bother.

I am tempted just to say "grow up"

Do you know what, we all know of someone who is living in a 3 bed council house, never worked, holidays twice a year, new plasma screen etc. It pisses off us LPs as well as coupled up people. But it is NOT the norm and there's no sense in thinking it is. And until I had children I used to resent the amount given to people with children, I think differently now of course. Until I was a LP I used to think like Alfiesmum, that it was unfair that we had to live on a crappy wage but were deemed too rich to get help. Now I'm a working LP I'm jealous of people who get to pee without an audience or people with rent that's less than 70% of their income. Things change.

I hope that everyone who resents the amount given to LPs never become Lone Parents themselves and I hope that the LPs realise how lucky we are to live in a society with a support system, however flawed.

nightbynight - got to say I don't like this idea that it's the guy's job to pay the mortgage! I think it's a bad situation to get yourself into where you're dependent on someone else to pay the mortgage, and that this is the key benefit that a partnership provides!

yes, I was simplifying a bit to get the point across. Agree completely - it is one reason why I am wary of returning to the uk, because if we got a mortgage, and then I got made redundant, we'd lose our house, there is no safety net.

alfiesbabe, don't leave

I've read a few of your posts over time and I've always found then interesting

any forum like this needs different points of view, it gets so boring when everyone agrees!

ssd - I agree, healthy debate is so important. Nighbynight - you did get very personal, suggesting alfiesbabes pov was less valid and saying she didnt have enough life experience to give a valid opinion. Surely the whole point of a forum such as this is that we don't know very much about eachothers situations, and alfiesbabes said later that she has had a hard life. Shame on you nighbynight.

alfiesbabe your posts make a lot more sense than many on this thread, just seems like a couple of people got carried away with silly comments directed at you. Ignore them

Tippychick well said!

no, I stand by what I said. I have to live as a single parent, and from time to time I have ignorant comments aimed at me in real life, from people have not really thought things through, and think their own poor opinions about single parents are valid. Variants on "they're all benefit scroungers who have the latest buggy and wide screen tv" being the commonest one.
Healthy informed debate is good - but if you are going to come on mumsnet attacking single parents, who by and large are stuck in the poverty trap, you'd better be prepared to defend your point of view robustly, because you are not just taking part in a theoretical debate, you are talking to people who are living it every day.

generally, this situation happens a lot on mn, and is very annoying
Person A says x
Person B understands y and says How dare you say y to me.
Person A says I did not say y.
Person C, D and E chime in and say Never mind B, how dare you say y to B who is a nice person.
Person A says I did not say y
Person F says Saying y was really uncalled for.

nighbynight

i do know where you're coming from.

every thread i've opened on lone parents lately has ended up with people complaining that they get to stay at home at the expense of working couples (or similar)

it gets a bit tedious and doesn't give people the space to discuss the real issues facing lone parents or even just relieve the pressure of living as one all day!

i usually avoid these threads because i find them depressing and i'm a bit of a wimp so don't want to get in a fight at the end of the day.

lol harpo so do I 9 days out of 10, and the 10th day I see it again and post...

full moon thing maybe nighby?

no just mounting frustration with constantly being criticised, really. Every now and then you see a discussion on the bbc website, or somethign else that betrays the venom some people feel against single mothers.

the thing is nighby, I've never come across it in rl (not sure if that is because where I live we are in the majority, lol). I don't read the kind of papers where you get those comments either so the only time I come across this venom is on MN!

MN is pretty restrained, really! Dont look on the bbc when the subject comes up - and what you can see is only the comments they publish
I am an immigrant single mother in a predominantly catholic area. Oops.

as I said nighby, I'm a wimp (only on the internet strangely, I'm known for my ferocious attacks on bigots in real life!) so will be avoiding bbc on those occasions.

and these threads, unless you're on them!

night

All single parents out there, get in touch if you want to natter anytime. Also try out : www.netmums.com/h/n/SUPPORT/HOME/ALL/455//

They have a meet a mum local to you page :p