To be pee'd off that ppl think single mums are loaded!!!

[LonelySingleMummy]

I am a single mum of a 6 month old boy and struggle!!! A lot of ppl think single parents get loads of benefits etc and have a cushy life ?!? Who? What? Where? !!!
For the 1st 4 weeks of my son's life i breastfed but i couldnt afford to eat more than one meal a day so i had to bottle feed (another expense) by this time my tax credits had come thru cos yes i was a worker. This helped me out but I am by no means well off and struggle every week. I have to sell the house before they repossess. I can't afford any little luxuries like wine or take aways. I go nowhere and meet no-one. Who says I get more than anyone else.
Sorry rant over lol

That is interesting, peanut.

FWIW, I've been working poor most of my adult life, with the exception of a few years.

We don't see work as more than a paycheque or confidence-building or that.

It's just something you do.

I understand it is not easy or even possible for many people.

But there does seem to be, on many of these threads, a very expanded sense of entitlement that benefits are supposed to provide, in addition to food on the table and the essentials, enough for 'luxuries'.

Yet luxuries are short on the list or non-existent for many.

Why is it different if you are on benefits?

I am honestly curious.

We are on partial benefits now - WTC and CTC.

And in the past partial HB (lifelong renters).

It's a rough go. But damn, holidays and takeaways and the like. Sometimes in life you have to go without them. For years if not forever. They're a priviledge.

At least, this is how I was brought up.

Luxuries don't have to cost money, IME.

Thanks Solo, I am a single mum and I am working. I am lucky to be able to work I know. Childcare costs make me sweat. I do feel like the odd one out with all my mummy mates I have made as I am the only one working away from home as well as job of a mum. Had no idea how hard b4 I had my dd it was being a parent!

If you are working 16+hours/week, carrie, are you getting your WTC and CTC?

Also, even if you are not eligible to receive HB, you may be able to get some council tax benefit - it's usually the same form, but check with your local council.

Don't forget your single discount for council tax, too.

You may also be eligible for Healthy Start vouchers.

And, if your child is school age, you may be eligible for school clothing vouchers and free school meals.

Scanner, that was very well put.
My parents struggled on a very low income and we didn't have luxuries and holidays every year etc. If we were lucky, we went to family in the North of England for a week. We as kids knew not to ask for anything.

I've always worked and even though I was reasonably paid, could not afford a holiday every year. I averaged a holiday once every 8 years, so I've had 3 holidays in 24 years, but I've also had a mortgage for all of that time too. My Dd's dad is in Greece for a week at the moment. This is his 4th holiday abroad since I was 5 months pg. Alright for some eh?! though he does give child maintenance which is more than Ds's father has ever done. Not a penny from him.

Children want loads and parents want to give it to them(isn't that our own fault?). I'm lucky that my Ds really understands the lack of funds(although I do see the sad look on his face)and tries not to ask for anything.

I'm not loaded, I'm well and truly in the red at the bank, but I'm trying to work it all out.
I know people that keep on spending money they don't have on credit cards and loans and they have the latest gadgets every five minutes...then they apply to go bankrupt!I wouldn't have the nerve!
I was without hot water and heating for 12 months(and brought my Dd home from the hospital in Dec 06 to a freezing house)but couldn't cope with the thought of getting into debt to have my boiler replaced. It was an awful situation and I wasn't on benefits at all so couldn't get any help.
Judgey people should remember...' there but for the grace of God go I...'

We can't afford haircuts, non-essential clothing, take-aways, nights out or holidays here and I would not say we are poor. As I said we eat healthily, we run an old car (essential here) and we just about manage to heat our home through the winter. Anything else is a luxury IMO.

We are very lucky to have a mortgage because we bought before the market went crazy. If we were first-time buyers now, we wouldn't have a ice-cube's chance in hell of getting a mortgage.

Absolutely 1dilemma. Well being is all relative. You could earn 100k a year, and you would still feel hard done by if the average earning was 500k. It does come back to having a significant gap between benefits lifestyle and 'working poor' lifestyle. I don't think anyone is suggesting life on benefits should be about living in abject poverty. People need the basics - a roof over their heads, warmth, food and so on. But items such as expensive brand new prams, flat screen tvs, holidays, eating out - these are luxuries, and as it's been pointed out, no one has a right to these. If the working poor experienced a significantly improved lifestyle by going out to work - if they could eg afford to run a car, book a holiday, do things with their kids that they couldnt do on benefits, then I think at last we'd have the makings of a fair and decent society. It's not about punishing people, or forcing them to live a degrading existence, it's about enabling people to be self reliant and to be able to contribute to society.
1dilemma also makes a hugely important point: single parents who have the luxury of being at home with their young children are there because other people are foregoing that luxury and paying through their taxes for it. I have no problem with paying tax for a welfare state which is a safety net for those in real need. I object strongly to paying taxes to enable other mothers to sit at home.

Exactly, Twinkle! It's hardly only people on benefits who can't afford these things.

Or the travesty of a century.

alfie, I went back to work when my Ds was 16 weeks old. My parents cared for him whilst I did so. I had my Dd when my son was 8 yo, so I was a full time, working, single mum for 8 years and in ill health too. I fully intended to return to full time employment after a years maternity leave, but when looking for a CM(parents too old/ill to look after my Dc's now), realised that I just couldn't afford to go back to work at this stage. Bringing home £1600 a month sounds great, but if you are paying out £1100 for a CM(that was one of the cheaper costings too and not including unsociable hours)and £500 for the mortgage(until it goes up after fixed rate ends), plus travelling to work costs, household bills, clothes...forget eating food, we couldn't afford to...you do the sums...I earn too much to get enough ' help' to keep my head above water, but don't earn enough to pay the bills...erm...? how would I do it? How would you do it?
I refuse to feel guilty about claiming the benefits that I'm entitled to claim. I don't have take aways or holidays, new clothes or shoes. My roof needs repairing and I need a 3rd bedroom, I feel as though those things are luxuries so I'm not even thinking about them.
The woman in the JC+ today reiterated that you can get up to 80% paid towards chilcare costs. I earn too much to get the full 80%, in fact it didn't work out to much at all...and I know I'm not the only one in this catch 22 situation.

I don't understand this. I work 19 hours a week for a pitiful wage that averages less than £500 pcm. I pay £115 a week in childcare while I'm working so there's no real benefit to me working - except that I feel more positive, my baby is getting great care and socialisation and it keeps my skills up to date. I only get £40pw of £135 weekly rent and no coucil tax benefit but I do get 80% of childcare paid by Child Tax credits, £50 odd WTC and £18 odd child benefit per week. Add to this I have a house with a horrendously expensive meter for gas and electric and two dogs but we are still getting by. Haven't ever had a holiday, don't drink or smoke or go out but we're still eating and well dressed! I think you're better off working regardless though I appreciate solo's point about earning "too much", I earn "too much" to be entitled to HB and CTB and I earn £6 per hour!

I strongly admire single parents and think they should be supported by the state and be able to stay home when their DC are small and then get help with training etc when their kids are older (but not be forced to). The capitalist system does not take into account the need for caring which is part of the problem, also unemployment is part of capitalism too, there never will be jobs for everyone, certainly not well paid ones. I also don't get the working couples who envy the lone parent SAH, the lone parent has much fewer choices and may be doing the work of 2 people. I SAH and am knackered and that is with DH to help when he is not at work, I often think of doing it alone with all the other jobs on top and can't imagine working too. I think most couples could have one parent at home if they really wanted to, certainly they have more choice than a lone parent.

Jammi I think you make some really good points.
Solo- my response to your situation is that yes, of course paying £1100 a month childcare out of £1600 a month take home pay is hardly viable, but the point is that YOUR CHILD HAS A FATHER TOO. The £1100 is not just your bill to pay. If you look at it as a joint responsibility, which having a child is, then it's a very different picture. Apart from the few tragic cases where one parent has died, the vast majority of lone parents are lone because they have split up. You do not stop being a parent when you separate. And before anyone comes back shouting 'But my ex is a complete asshole and won't pay his way' - I agree entirely. Anyone who thinks they can father a child and then not take responsibility is an asshole. Why should responsibility be offloaded onto couples who have stayed together, meaning that often both parents in a couple end up working to fund lone parents to be at home?? It makes no sense. Presumably Solo, your child's father could also be earning, say £1600 a month - well, suddenly that childcare bill is affordable. Yes, of course running two separate households is going to cost more than one - but there's no way round that is there?? It's a fact of life. If I split with my DH, then I wouldnt expect to carry on living to the same standard. Why would I?? I would expect, however, the two of us to continue to be parents!! Jammi is absolutely spot on - the system makes you feel that if you stay with the father of your child you end up being penalised.

"Don't be so judgemental. I want luxuries, so why the hell shouldn't single Mums fgs"

Wanting them is natural, complaining because the state doesn't give you enough cash to afford them is plain idiotic though

And yes, I'm a lone parent, yes I am on benefits. Unlike some though, I am just thankful that there's a safety net for this blip in my life. If that means living without a holiday, a car and a takeaway every week I'll deal with it.

Thanks to all offering support, it is appreciated.
Well i have an arrangement with the mortgage co to pay them 480 pm instead of 670. this can only last so long but i keep asking them to consider that i am selling house and they get their £££ then. my benefits - council tax benefit - might stop or may continue when i rent. not sure. i won;t come out with a fat wad when i sell i am looking at 450 pm to rent so my outgoings wouldnt change much i hope. gas and electric are so high as got prepayment meters. baby food is formula. the weaning stuff comes from my food budget.
i know we all have it hard and dont suggest i am worse than anyone else but i do think us single mums get tarred with the same brush and a bad public image. i have worked all my life and never been on any benefits. the only one i get now is council tax benefit and that is only £2 pw after single person discount. council tax for this area is about 700 i think before single person discount.
thanks again for your comments. x

If you rent, provided you don't have over a certain amount of assets or capital, you will be eligible for housing benefit, and as a lone parent, you may get the entire rent paid for you by this benefit.

Again, this will depend on the profits from the sale, but a housing officer at your local council should be able to advise you better.

solo - thanks for your concern. i have checked it all out and i get all i can get.
i get 112 maternity pay pw 65 child tax credits 18 child benefit and recently my working tax credits started at 75 pw. beg june my maternity and working tax credits stop. i need to work or live on is which would be 60 pw + 65 child tc and 18 child b.
i have had the mortgage for 7 years now and need to sell or will get repossessed. i will rent private with any £££ i have from sale as bond etc.
luckily my mum will cm for me a max of 3 days pw so dont have that expense
i agree a lot needs to change for ppl on low income generally but this thread was about ppl thinking i as sp am loaded and/ or lazy

xxx

if you are in danger of repossession, you can also look into the possibility of selling to a company which will then rent back to you.

at this point, again, you may be eligible for housing benefit for all or part of the rent.

I haven't read the whole thread but interestingly I met a lady last week (I'm a banker) who was a single mum to 2 little ones and she worked full time and received £1500 a month in tax credits which covered all her childcare fees and left her a few hundred pounds left over. Her rent was paid, she had to contribute £75 and then she had her full time salary & child benefit on top.

It got me thinking so I logged on to the tax credits website, (currently I get £480 per yr tax credits) I input all my details as if I were a single parent with full time childcare costs, I would get nearly £11,000 a year! Hubby was rather put out by this, but with child maintenance from him I would be better off! He better be nice to me or the suitcases are coming out

It is entirely likely, Chip, that she will in the future receive a letter from the TCO, informing her of her overpayment of tax credits, together with a demand notice for several thousands (if not more) pounds.

Chipstick lol
I need to check that site!!!
and no i could never get rid of my pooch 1dilemma but nice try x

PC internet is not mine but my mum's
dont have sky tv or anything like that. have pay as you go mobile for emergencies and landline which have just moved from bt as they were robbing me

Anyone who is sp and needs advice or help try gingerbread

they have free helpline with legal, financial, etc advice for sp

xxx

LM, you should also be eligible to claim Healthy Start vouchers AND you may get your formula for free.

Once your year of free prescriptions/dentisty is up, even if you are on Working Tax Credit, you will get free prescriptions and dental care.

You know it really doesnt matter what ppl think of me all that matters is my little boy. i love him to the ends of the earth and back and feel i am failing him by not giving him the best start in life. i feel guilty he has no father. i feel guilty i have no money. i feel guilty he may end up an only child. i just feel guilty. i let him down by not being able to continue breastfeeding and i hate myself for it. i just dont want to let him down anymore
Night all x