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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pee'd off that ppl think single mums are loaded!!!

197 replies

LonelySingleMummy · 18/05/2008 12:05

I am a single mum of a 6 month old boy and struggle!!! A lot of ppl think single parents get loads of benefits etc and have a cushy life ?!? Who? What? Where? !!!
For the 1st 4 weeks of my son's life i breastfed but i couldnt afford to eat more than one meal a day so i had to bottle feed (another expense) by this time my tax credits had come thru cos yes i was a worker. This helped me out but I am by no means well off and struggle every week. I have to sell the house before they repossess. I can't afford any little luxuries like wine or take aways. I go nowhere and meet no-one. Who says I get more than anyone else.
Sorry rant over lol

OP posts:
alfiesbabe · 21/05/2008 20:34

Or parents who stay together with their children.

CrackerOfNuts · 21/05/2008 20:36

Didn't say that you weren't entitled to post, just that you always seem to really have it in for single parents.

If you are so happy with your lot then stop bleating on about how you think other sectors of society are better off than you.

I know people better off then me, but I don't go moaning about it at given any available chance.

CrackerOfNuts · 21/05/2008 20:36

Do you not think that most single parents would much rather be part of a two parent family ?? I know I would.

Nighbynight · 21/05/2008 20:37

I dont know, nutty, all I know is that it took me several years to get to the point of breaking even. I had 3 small chidlren though, which was expensive.
I now have an au pair for childcare help, whereas before I had my children in nurseries and with childminders full time, which was far more expensive.

the whole time we were in the UK, we were never out of poverty. Ive still never been on a holiday with my children, to this day, but at least we have a car and a computer now.

carrielou2007 · 21/05/2008 20:39

Ok so what about me, I have to work, I feel so guilty that I am not able to spend enough time with my dd but there is ONLY ME to pay for everything. As we have said earlier on this thread, if you have a morgage, it is an asset, you do not get any help with that (as I don't think you should). I would love a partner/husband to share my life with, then there would be TWO of us paying towards all the bills. I certainly do not get lots of benefits so if I did not work as many hours as I do I could not pay the bills, even if I sold my house!

Nighbynight · 21/05/2008 20:39

alfiesbabe, you make me laugh, really. you are so naive. Lets hope you are never beaten up by your dh - would you stay with him then?? just to avoid becoming one of those scummy single mums, eh?

carrielou2007 · 21/05/2008 20:40

that should read unless I sold my house

expatinscotland · 21/05/2008 20:41

'And the benefits DONT cover the costs of working. They really dont. You have to have a good job. '

I agree with this.

This is why so many working poor, including couples, live in poverty on par with many lone parents.

Nighbynight · 21/05/2008 20:41

know EXACTLY what you mean carrie....

alfiesbabe · 21/05/2008 20:42

LOL that's a great line of argument CON.
"Anyone who is happy with their lot isn't entitled to have an opinion or post on MN. Only miserable sods are allowed to post!!"
Luckily, most MNers don't agree with you - they accept that everyone is allowed to have a voice.
I havent got it in for anyone. I think society ought to live by fair systems. I think people who have children should continue to take respsonsibility for them, financially and emotionally, whether they choose to stay with the other parent or not. I think if society feels it's important for one parent to have the option of staying home with children up to the age of 7, this option should be available to ALL families. If society doesnt feel its important, then make it possible for ALL families to have ALL parents in work. Quite simple. Equality rather than preferential treatment for any one sector.

CrackerOfNuts · 21/05/2008 20:43

You sound very bitter alfie. but you really don't seem to realise just how lucky you are.

CrackerOfNuts · 21/05/2008 20:44

And don't quote things that I didn't even say.

alfiesbabe · 21/05/2008 20:44

Another great argument Nighbynight. WTF has my personal situation got to do with my view on having fair systems in society?? No, hopefully my partner will never beat me up or vice versa. Don't really understand what that's got to do with having fair systems that dont penalise certain sectors of society.

alfiesbabe · 21/05/2008 20:47

CON - I'm not bitter. I have a point of view, that's all, which you seem to find hard to understand, so it's easier for you to think i must be bitter. With all due respect, you don't know who I am or anything much about my life, so to tell me I don't know how lucky I am seems a massive presumption.

Nighbynight · 21/05/2008 20:48

your personal situation doesnt seem to have given you a lot of life experience.

the welfare state is not about giving the same to everyone. It is about giving to people according to need.
Like it or not, you get a lot of benefit from being in a partnership that a single parent doesnt get.

alfiesbabe · 21/05/2008 20:49

Depends on the partnership.read the relationships thread - there are a lot of very unhappy partnerships around.

Nighbynight · 21/05/2008 20:49

anyway, I am getting a bit tired of this. If you had to spend a year or so as a single parent Im pretty sure you would change your tune and not be griping about single parents finances any more.

CrackerOfNuts · 21/05/2008 20:50

You are the one that said you are happy with your lot. Great, so stop moaning about people less fortunate than yourself then.

FGS, I hate being a single parent, there isn't one bit of it that I like, but I don't have a choice, that is how it is.

You think i find it hard to understand your pov, but you seem to find it hard to understand that you have no idea of what being a single parent, working or otherwise entails.

I have been one half of a couple with a low income and kids, so I do know what you are talking about, but have you been in my position ??

Nighbynight · 21/05/2008 20:50

a partnership can be unhappy, but if the guy's still paying the mortgage you are getting a LOT of support from him that Im not getting....

micci25 · 21/05/2008 20:52

i think that child=care thing depends upon where you live i know that i wouldnt be better off working as childcare in my area is v expensive due to limited places, so even though the cost is subisdised it still would not cover what i wopuld have to pay out in childcare rent etc i would actually be £10 a week worse off by working and i struggle as it trying to bring up two kids, pay backdated rent that i fell behind on when i was due to start a job but offer fell through benefits were stopped anyway, pay bills, clothe the two kids etc.

i have to all of this with only £160 a week, which although it seems like a lot really doesnt go that far.

i am classed as a single mum as i dont live with my dp yet i am hoping that once we move in together i will be better off working as i would love a little job just to get me out of the house a couple of hours a day and have some adult conversation whoch is not interupted by 'need pooh pooh mummy' 'can i have a drink' 'i think baby has poohed and she stinks!! etc.

alfiesbabe · 21/05/2008 20:55

So now we're only entitled to a POV if we've been in the exact circumstances of someone else.....???!!!!! Yes, I said I am happy with my lot. That doesnt mean 'I don't know how lucky I am'. I was happy with my children even when I was desperately hard up and working for peanuts. Not sure that 'luck' has an awful lot to do with happinesss. I know people who have had an awful lot of bad luck in their life yet maintain a core of happiness. Equally I know some miserable sods who on the surface are very 'lucky' and loaded.
Sorry, but I'm just not going to buy this argument that people can only post on this thread if they are a) a lone parent b) unhappy. I think that's incredibly divisive.

scottishmummy · 21/05/2008 20:55

LSM- sorry to read about your difficulties.unfortunately some people generalise and assume because they are ignorant arses.

could you have your benefits reassessed?

CrackerOfNuts · 21/05/2008 20:56

Why do you keep saying that I have said that you can't post ?? I have said no such thing.

Nighbynight · 21/05/2008 20:57

well thats an interesting point, alfiesbabe. If I am ill, and I ask the dr's opinion, and my neighbours opinion, I know which one Id rather take, most of the time. It woudl be the person who had taken time to study and get experience of the situation.

yet, we respect each others opinions on here, and people often spout a load of old cobblers when they dont really know what theyre on about......

Nighbynight · 21/05/2008 20:59

on the other hand, most people feel constrained from posting in some areas where you can tread on peoples toes if you really dont know what youre on about. (eg special needs)

anyway, nobody has told you to stop posting.