DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

[LeahYoga]

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to make it clear what is unacceptable in your home.

If you have never seen a skid mark in a toilet I’d suggest you lead a sheltered life.

Not at all, I just keep a clean home and come from a family that appreciates cleanliness and good hygiene - and happen to have considerate friends that are properly toilet trained. But of course people that have shit infested bathrooms think that's the norm for everybody.

Also, I never said I haven't seen skid marks before. I have seen shit smeared all over toilets and walls. But in public toilets that are used by some of the dirty people that have commented on this thread, and their gross children - I have not encountered such disgustingness at home, in my own bathrooms.

You seem uptight and socially brittle, they call it anally retentive for a reason. A bit of poo in a loo is easily dealt with! But as you will see the majority agree with me on this.

And why do you think I care about what I seem to be like to a random person on the internet that enjoys shitty toilets?

What hogwash. It's not uptight to expect people to leave the loo clean.

This sort of reverse snobbism is so obnoxious; accusing anyone who expects rock-bottom behaviour to be "uptight" "unwelcoming" "snooty" and so on. How on earth do some of you live?? Zero standards, zero expectations, let it all hang out and wallow in filth? As long as everyone is "comfortable" and doesn't have any standards to live up to, all is great?

I don't care how easily dealt with "a bit of poo" is, I don't want to be the one dealing with it. Not if the depositor is over the age of five. Are you seriously not teaching your offspring to leave a clean, tidy bathroom for others to use? If not, why?

No, we live among clean, decent people who have empathy and consideration for others. And in families where children are taught from a young age that it's not anyone else's job to clean up their bodily waste.

Right.

I'd get kicked off if I posted the real words that come to mind regarding the mother of the youth, laughing and excusing the vile behaviour of her multiple sons. What princes she's raising. Five or 10 years from now the desperadoes who hook up with them will be on here whinging that their men leave the bathroom in a shitty state and won't clean up after themselves because they think it's women's work.

God forbid we should "embarrass" a tween or teenage boy, though. Males can't be expected to be responsible, considerate, clean or proactive in caring for a home. SMH.

There’s no way to message someone that in a reasonable and polite way!! YABU

Have you told your DS you messaged his friends Mum? He must be mortified by you!!!!

Plenty of WOMEN on this thread HAVE excused this behaviour! "He probably doesn't know how to clean a toilet", "he's just a poor lad", "it's normal for teenagers", "everyone leaves shit in the toilet, it's normal", etc. I don't know if the parents are more gross, or their shitty arsed offspring.

As said previously there have been multiple threads about colleagues leaving toilets dirty; which have left posters concerned, mortified, horrified, in total shock, crying and shaking... This (quotes above) is why the behaviour progresses into adulthood.

I didn’t say that I was a mother of boys and nor did I say that I let my kids make a mess. I just felt it was unnecessary to text the Mum.

Or he's learning standards and that his family home is to be respected.

No one is obliged to put up with a dirty mess just to "be nice." The friend isn't delayed, disabled or otherwise challenged; just dirty and thoughtless.

Excellent post! The reverse snobbism thing is such a good point! And it extends to other areas of life, too. The kind of people who think it's normal to not clean up after yourself probably also think it's "old-fashioned", and "can't be fussed", to be on time for things, bring something for the host when they get invited to someone's house, etc. And those of us who do care about doing what's always been done are accused of being uptight, sheltered and "not fun".

I personally would have asked my child to tell the friend to clean up the toilet after using if it is crappy or else not use it. Between friends they can tell/teach each other 'good behavioural things' in a casual/funny way and no one would get offended. But messaging the mom saying 'if he'd have to come to our house again' sounds very rude and unnecessary. Kind of drawing a straw in your child's friendship almost.

She didn’t say it to him though?!! She shamed his poor mother!!!!

i would of thought yuk, cleaned it, used extra bleach and moved on with my life. I would definately not have asked my son or text his mum! My son would be so embarrassed by this, omg

She's not a "poor mother" if she is raising inconsiderate, dirty oafs. The boy is not five, he's in secondary school. And the mother laughed and trivialized the issue instead of apologizing and promising to speak to her son.

Not nice people.

Precious privileged lady, never heard anything like it

So grateful you aren’t my mum. Ridiculous

She clearly has no shame, though, because she didn't give a shit about what the OP had to say about her son. In fact, the mother actually threw an insult back at her and basically told her it's HER issue.

If most people got an irate text about skidmarks in their loo from an adult acquaintance, their chief response would be pity and embarrassment for the sender.

That was a ridiculous response . You should have addressed it with him the next time he came around. Cant believe you texted his mother. Feel sorry for your ds and embarrassed for you
for making such a tit of yourself

WOW. Seeing as you're asking for opinions - what you have done is way more rude. I agree with another poster, let it go and if it happened again then maybe mention it to him that he could clean up after himself. It sounds like his mum tried to respond in a jokey way before getting annoyed. You also should consider any backlash for your son before messaging another kids mum about something so minor. It's not nice I agree, but he IS still a kid and you went way overboard with this OP.

You can deal with it tactfully. You didn't need to text his mother. Next time he's over, just say "there's a toilet brush there if you need it" or something.

Would you have done it if it had been a girlfriend? I'm guessing no.