DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

[LeahYoga]

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

There's a massive difference between sauce and literal shit.

How do you clean a toilet without a toilet brush?! I ain’t putting my hands in the water!!

It's probably the same kind of woman who thinks farting and burping in front of people is "hilarious" and "natural".

Why are you so literal? This is a metaphor! He was a writer!

Plenty of WOMEN on this thread HAVE excused this behaviour! "He probably doesn't know how to clean a toilet", "he's just a poor lad", "it's normal for teenagers", "everyone leaves shit in the toilet, it's normal", etc. I don't know if the parents are more gross, or their shitty arsed offspring.

Fucking hell.

Should he have left a mess - No

Should you have messaged his Mum - No What did you want the Mum to actually do?

If I was the Mum, I would tell my son to never, ever go to your house ever again.

Massively OTT.

Your son is going to suffer if you carry on like this.

Cannot understand this at all. How do you ever host anyone graciously if you can’t take even the minorest of social indiscretions? It’s a kid who forgot to look in the toilet bowl after flushing. Not someone who has painted her walls with excrement. Civility relies on sometimes letting things go for the sake of social ease.

Literally ☹️.

I feel sorry for the lot of you raising children not to check they haven't left a disgusting toilet for the rest of the family to use tbh.

I don't understand why he'll be so embarrassed now he'll never return.

Surely children can take correction, improve their behaviour and move on.

Next time - Sorry I left a mess @LeahYoga , and off to play. Or say nothing and off to play, but leave no shit next time.

Must he be inconsiderate and fragile? How will he handle conflict in his friendships/relationships?

Just out of interest, if you shared an Airbnb with a friend would you check the toilets were clean before leaving and tell your friend which toilet they were permitted to use so that you didn’t have to re-check them after she’d been?

What is it with people overreacting and policing other people’s toilet usage?!

In this specific scenario, I’d have just got my son to clean up. He could then decide whether he’s happy to clean up after his visitors in future, or if he wanted to say something in a matey way to his friend.

Definitely would not have messaged the mum. So on the one hand you say he’s old enough to clean up after himself and on the other hand you somehow think he’s young enough that you have to report his “behaviour” to his mum. What were you thinking? 😂

“Surely children can take correction, improve their behaviour and move on.”

Have you met very many children so far? 😂

Yes. I was a child too, funnily enough 😳.

This. The number here willing to overlook it and excuse the "poor lad" is very telling.

No wonder so many women are willing to settle for dirty, entitled, inconsiderate men. And then go on to raise more of them.

The boy is in secondary school, not nursery. Well old enough to be aware of his own mess and clean up out of consideration for others.

People need to drastically raise their standards.

The number of posters on here who think it’s normal to clean up other people’s shit in their own homes is baffling. If it was an adult guest you wouldn’t say anything because you’d never have them stay around again or they were close enough you could ask them to clean up. If this is a mate who’ll be coming around often then of course he needs to be told to clean up.

I wouldn’t bother messaging a parent or expecting my own DC to clean up their friend’s shit - but telling the teenager directly. They’re not little Gods who need to be tip toed around lest they mock you - WGAF what they think. Not like they respect adults anyway, probably even less those adults more interested in pleasing them than telling them off. As for teasing your own DC, they’ll be doing that over something or the other anyway - and they probably already crack jokes about everyone’s parents, no harm done if they want to their repertoire.

The mum’s response was pathetic, imagine justifying an existence cleaning up after 4 men and not even getting paid for it. Anyway, that’s her choice in life, OP doesn’t have to be yours. Quiet word in the lad’s ear about cleaning up after himself as it’s a family loo. If he doesn’t want to visit as a result, good riddance - you’ll be hated as an authority figure no matter what you do, at least this way you can maintain some principles at home.

OP isn't marrying or living with the boy though.

Exactly. And why should the poor OPs son be made to clean up his friend's shit? 😮

It takes a village to shape character.

Boys get away with this bullshit and grow up into men who think it's someone else's job to deal with their shit, literally and figuratively.

Leaving a bathroom clean and tidy for the next person is rock-bottom basic awareness and empathy. People who fail to teach this to their offspring are lazy slobs.

No, it's PARENTS' job to teach their kids basic good toilet habits. Could be a mother's job, could be a father's. Either way, one of the parents have to do it.

You're assuming people read.

I literally don't know anybody who's disgusting enough to leave their shit on display in the toilet. Because it's NOT A NORMAL THING TO DO! I come from a huge Mediterranean family with lots of boys, men and teenagers. We have all learnt to leave the bathroom clean after ourselves. My friends are also not the kind of people that leave shit behind, either. I have never had to clean anyone's shit up unless they were my own babies and small toddlers.

Maybe it's "laughable" to leave shit stains in the toilet of your friends when you're 13, but if this habit is not corrected pronto, it's going to make the kid an embarrassment when he still does it at 30, at the office where his colleagues will have to look at his shit traces.

No, it's definitely more embarrassing to leave the contents of your bowels on display.

Good! They can go shit up someone else's toilet.

I'm a mother of boys, too, they don't leave the toilet behind in a mess. You have gross kids, probably because you are 'lax about shit. Congratulations.