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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

613 replies

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:49

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

OP posts:
BeanQuisine · 30/04/2025 07:50

Leaving a few poo marks in someone's toilet when visiting them is a very minor faux pas, something we've probably all done at some stage, without even realising it.

Messaging a guest's mother to complain about them leaving poo marks in your toilet is a very major faux pas, infinitely ruder than leaving poo in a toilet bowl.

The fact that some posters can't see this is a little disturbing...

SheilaFentiman · 30/04/2025 07:52

Arancia · 30/04/2025 07:49

Shit Boy is the bigger laughing stock. How embarrassing for him to have reached teenage, and he's still not potty trained.

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Is he still in nappies? No. Then he’s potty trained. Don’t be ludicrous.

EstherGreenwood63 · 30/04/2025 07:52

I wouldn't have messaged the mum but I would speak to the disgusting scutter kid when I saw him. Fuck cleaning up anyone else's shit.

MissMoneyFairy · 30/04/2025 07:54

He's probably never cleaned a toilet I his life and would not rinse a loo brush anyway, I think it's pretty gross and next time ask him to wipe the bowl.
!

Arancia · 30/04/2025 07:56

SheilaFentiman · 30/04/2025 07:52

Is he still in nappies? No. Then he’s potty trained. Don’t be ludicrous.

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He should be in nappies! Because he clearly doesn't know how to use a toilet!

emmatherhino · 30/04/2025 07:57

I have two young teenage boys. We regularly have a house filled with teenage boys.

I would have rolled my eyes and just cleaned it. No, I shouldn't have to and yes, he should be able to clean up after himself.

But absolutely not a chance in hell would I risk potentially alienating my sons from all of their friends because of something that would take me two mins to sort.

SallyWD · 30/04/2025 07:59

Scratchingaroundinthesameoldhole · 29/04/2025 22:51

I think i would have just dealt with it, rolled eyes and laughed. I definitely would not have messaged his mum. How embarrassing

Same. No way I'd have messaged the mum.

Arancia · 30/04/2025 07:59

BeanQuisine · 30/04/2025 07:50

Leaving a few poo marks in someone's toilet when visiting them is a very minor faux pas, something we've probably all done at some stage, without even realising it.

Messaging a guest's mother to complain about them leaving poo marks in your toilet is a very major faux pas, infinitely ruder than leaving poo in a toilet bowl.

The fact that some posters can't see this is a little disturbing...

Ah, so it's people like you that leave your shit marinating in public toilets.

No. No, not everyone has left their shit behind in toilets. That's literally not a normal thing to do. Some of us have been taught to check that we leave toilets as clean as we found them, because it's not nice for the next person who needs to use the toilet to find it soiled. Stop normalising this shit.

JojoM1981 · 30/04/2025 08:00

FortyNineAndABit · 30/04/2025 07:26

Would you have shamed an adult guest in that way? Very rude. Just clean it up.

I would have. That's disgusting.

Feelingmuchbetter · 30/04/2025 08:04

If you felt strongly op, you could have just mentioned it the next time he was visiting. Please leave the loo how you find it - there is a toilet brush provided. If he asks why you are mentioning it, you could say the last time he was here he forgot to clean up after himself. Then you have educated him on your expectations when he is in your house, using your facilities.

Reporting him to his mother is mortifying. Truly mortifying for both boys.

SallyWD · 30/04/2025 08:05

Even with pretty severe skid marks, you can squirt some bleach around, leave for 30 minutes and it's gone. No need to get your hands dirty. I think you messaging the mum was very humiliating for her son and, most importantly, your son.

BeanQuisine · 30/04/2025 08:05

Arancia · 30/04/2025 07:59

Ah, so it's people like you that leave your shit marinating in public toilets.

No. No, not everyone has left their shit behind in toilets. That's literally not a normal thing to do. Some of us have been taught to check that we leave toilets as clean as we found them, because it's not nice for the next person who needs to use the toilet to find it soiled. Stop normalising this shit.

Show quote history

Um no, it's people like nearly everyone. Toilets are for pooing in, sometimes not all the poo gets washed away. It's a mundane, everyday thing, not something to weep or shriek about, or take to the streets with torches and pitchforks, or message other people's hapless mothers about.

bittertwisted · 30/04/2025 08:06

the level of mortified I feel for both boys and the other mum
would have told my son to clean it, then make a lighthearted’oi grubs, make sure you scrub the bog if you go’ next time a mate is round

toilet brushes are revolting. That stand they go in …… give me a skidmark any day

legsekeven · 30/04/2025 08:09

Can’t Believe you sent a message to the mum. What a silly thing to do. What did you expect her to do about it.

rwalker · 30/04/2025 08:10

Arancia · 30/04/2025 07:49

Shit Boy is the bigger laughing stock. How embarrassing for him to have reached teenage, and he's still not potty trained.

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teenager boys will not be embarrassed by mates taking the piss over skid marks they will find it hilarious

Question285 · 30/04/2025 08:10

I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all. And in light of his mother’s response, you can clearly see that they are ‘shitty’ people (pun very much intended).

You’re within your right not to have him over again. His mum (and dad) should have absolutely taught him some manners instead of expecting everyone to put up with his shit as she does.

Ohthatsabitshit · 30/04/2025 08:13

I can’t imagine ever mentioning to any guest what they did in the toilet. Here toilets are cleaned before bed not during the day.

Funnywonder · 30/04/2025 08:14

Shit in a toilet. Well, of all the nerve …

Maybe I’m a bit less sensitive about stuff like that. One of my children has Crohn’s Disease. If one of his friends left my toilet dirty, I’d probably roll my eyes a bit, but I would NOT text their mum. What a ridiculous thing to do. If he had done a dump in the bath or on the floor, then certainly I would text. But shit inside a toilet bowl? My heart breaks for what might happen in my child’s future if he ever has any sort of accident because of his Crohn’s Disease.

Dweetfidilove · 30/04/2025 08:20

It's obvious now who's raising the useless, filthy husbands of mumsnetters who leave their houses in a state - damp towels, shit and garbage everywhere 🙄.

Clean up after them, don't embarrass them, just tolerate it like I do ...Leave them to grow up as absolute slobs who are mollycoddled and enabled, then send them off to make someone's daughter's life a misery 🥱☹️.

AngelinaFibres · 30/04/2025 08:24

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:58

Why should he be able to treat my house with no respect at all and expect me to clean up after him? I’d be mortified if my DS behaved in such a manner. The message I sent was perfectly polite and I ensured it was worded in a reasonable tone.

He treated your loo that way because that's what he and his siblings and father do at home. You are expecting a teenager with zero life experience to understand that other people do things differently.

iseethembloom · 30/04/2025 08:25

AngelinaFibres · 30/04/2025 08:24

He treated your loo that way because that's what he and his siblings and father do at home. You are expecting a teenager with zero life experience to understand that other people do things differently.

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Totally this. He can’t help that he’s a teenager and hasn’t been taught this at home.

Christmasmorale · 30/04/2025 08:26

As a mum I’d be grateful to be messaged about that- I don’t know how my kids behave in other people’s houses despite my best efforts to house train them here. So it would just give me a heads up to practice that area with them to ensure it didn’t happen again.

I’d rather be messaged than my son be bitched about every time he visited that friend, or worse no longer be allowed to visit and left wondering why.

iseethembloom · 30/04/2025 08:27

BeanQuisine · 30/04/2025 08:05

Um no, it's people like nearly everyone. Toilets are for pooing in, sometimes not all the poo gets washed away. It's a mundane, everyday thing, not something to weep or shriek about, or take to the streets with torches and pitchforks, or message other people's hapless mothers about.

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Indeed this.
the poll is 80/20 you’re unreasonable/ not being unreasonable.

I’m surprised it’s not even higher than 80%

Arlingtonchase · 30/04/2025 08:27

Dweetfidilove · 30/04/2025 08:20

It's obvious now who's raising the useless, filthy husbands of mumsnetters who leave their houses in a state - damp towels, shit and garbage everywhere 🙄.

Clean up after them, don't embarrass them, just tolerate it like I do ...Leave them to grow up as absolute slobs who are mollycoddled and enabled, then send them off to make someone's daughter's life a misery 🥱☹️.

Poo in toilets! Damp towels! The horror!

And please don’t faint but I only wash those towels weekly and I keep my shoes on in the house!

Sometimes Mumsnet is just beyond irony.

ra89 · 30/04/2025 08:29

You messaged his MUM? This can’t be real!