New mum friend came over, Left my house in a tip

[MyAquaGuide]

Made a new mum friend 2 months ago at a baby class and we clicked. After the second baby class she invited me round for a cuppa. When I went I stayed there for an hour, had a cuppa and she offered me a few biccies. Also Brought her a box of chocolates as its the first time I went round. Upon leaving she gave me some nappies. she didn't need.

I invited her round to mine and I feel like a mug. She brought an entire cooler bag of food for her baby. Used my sons new highchair and is baby led weaning so we went in the garden and the food went everywhere. She also needed cheese for his food so I ended up helping her prepare it from my fridge because she didn't bring any. She stayed 3 hours and I gave her endless drinks and food. When she left the house was a tip. She started walking into the kitchen and making herself at home very quickly. Oh and she didn't even bring anything to my house for the first time. Isn't that just a courteous gesture? When she left she said she could come round every week because her other son is at nursery!

No

I don’t expect people I’ve invited round my house (especially for a playdate) to clean up after themselves. My house is always a tip after a playdate has left but that’s just life. Maybe you don’t ‘click’ so much after all.

I suggest taking Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh .. to any future play date

Please don't confuse the OP with one of these mugs who has friends.

“Hi Friend. No, sorry, we can’t host going forward. My husband and I have some DIY going on. No, sorry, it just won’t work for us.”

Repeat stonefaced as necessary till it permeates her thick hide.

One certainly can tell who the presumptuous slobs are.

OP, going through an acquaintance’s kitchen cupboards and dropping food all over is not normal. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I think you can do a lot better than this messy clod.

This. You don’t need to take a gift for a play date! But I’d be annoyed at my kitchen being left in a mess

What is a clod?

No

that's your expectation not some rigid social rule

Agreed.

UNbelievable. The CF.
Everyone knows you are supposed to pack your own teaspoon of sugar and tablespoon of milk when you visit someone's house.

Yes to this.

Tbh for knowing for two months new mum friend visit. No. Wouldn't expect it.

No I wouldn't take a gift, however I might say to the host I will bring cake/biscuits with the idea that we share these during the playdate (and they will either say yes or no to this, I have one friend who used to say no to cake/sweet.stuff but if I wanted to bring anything then fruit to share would be nice).

I would suggest when making the playdate discuss what timings work well. When you made the arrangement did you even consider whether her child would want feeding? It could be that you say do you want to come round once you have fed X? Talk about your own child's routines to ease in the conversation..my child eats at 12, when does yours?

I assume they still make them, but get yourself an IKEA highchair! I assume some of your issues with this is that you have something fancy. The IKEA ones are easy to clean and you can get an insert for them if your child is young.

I think you need to be more assertive. You say that the friend made a mess coming back in and didn't have wipes, but you couldn't possibly get her to tidy up as she was holding her child. Pass her the cleaning equipment and offer to take the child! Say oh I can take X for you and pop them on the playmat/whatever, here's some wipes.

That was a bit cruel to refuse to pass her the wipes when she said she’d forgotten hers but then silently judge her for not using them.

It sounds like you’ve got a social routine with your existing friendship circle (bringing each other biscuits every time you visit - you must all really love biscuits!) and you’re struggling with the discomfort of a new person who has a distinct personality and ways of being in the world which differ from you and your friends.

Like others on the thread I feel really sorry for this woman who mistakenly thought she had made a friend.

"Babies are messy but shouldn’t the adults at least offer to clean up after their baby?"
She did - she said she'd left her wipes at home. So you should have given her yours and let her deal with it whilst seeing to your baby.

Wait till you get onto toddler and young child play dates! They have an ability to get every single item out to play with in a remarkably short space of time.

And scrub the doorstep on your way out, in case your baby besmirched its.

God, no! Gifts aren’t required.

Yes this was really spiteful

A packet of biscuits is not classed as a gift 🤣

OP, this is who she is and will only get worse.

Take a huge step back and be busy.
Eventually meet at the park if you wish.
Bet you she will call to your door so be ready to say I'm busy.

She doesn't have friends because she is presumptuous when she visits and if she leaves a mess people won't ask again.

She also could be the type that settles in for the day because it suits her.

You don't know her so just be firm that you are busy.

Her telling you that she will call weekly uninvited is a red flag waving.

I too would always bring a little gift like a cake or flowers, it is just what some people do.

Then call it a “contribution.”

Parking oneself and one’s kid at someone else’s house for hours, cadging food the host didn’t expect to provide, and rummaging in cupboards and making a mess, is crass.

Friends don’t grift. Why was the woman so ill-prepared, without wipes or a flannel to clean her kid, without the food she wanted it to have, without a bowl for it?

She assumed a level of familiarity that wasn’t justified on short acquaintance.

The horror! She drank juice, and asked for milk and sugar?! Why were you picking up fruit while your child cried? Just clear up after.

You're not cut out for hosting tbh.