Would it bother you if your partner got up later than you?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Partner 1 has a full time professional job and gets up at 6.30am every weekday.

Partner 2 was a SAHM to 3 dc and now works part time (2 days/week).

P2 loves sleep and sometimes doesn’t get up till 10am on non working days. P2 does all the cooking, laundry and house admin.

If you were P1, would P2’s late getting up bother you?

Does partner 2 do a decent job of the house chores?

Ps does partner 1 therefore do all the school runs?

That has no relevance to the comment you’re responding to.

But OP could be working for several hours after the rest of the household are back and relaxing, have a nap if they want, if she cooks the evening meal, tidies up afterwards, runs the kids to clubs, etc. I get up earlier than my DH, but he’s normally relaxing long before I’m done. I get the middle of the day free. Your day starting earlier doesn’t necessarily mean you do more work.

We have no idea about how much time either of them spend on financing and running family life.

I disagree.

Green Monster in view.

If P1 is giving to P2 his hard working enjoyment moment then yes P1 is free to be jealous and for reason…

otherwise, p1 doesn’t get to suck the joy out of life of p2. There is good and bad for both.

I dont think you are unreasonable not to get up at 6.30 when you dont need to. I am not a morning person and could easily lie in until 9.30/10am!.
If working 2 days a week and managing all household tasks and supporting DC with ASC is what has worked for your family then thats ok.
As you say DH preferred a career rather than looking after DC and managing a household so thats why its worked out how it has. I have teen DDs with autism and mine do need more support than their NT peers.
However if money is tight or you wanted to you could increase your working hours- but if you went full time I bet it would be a rude awakening for DH to pick up 50% of household tasks and emotional/practical support for autistic DC

That seems a no issue to me as the kids have grown up. Why would you need to force yourself to get up early on days you are not working, and when all the house work is on you anyways. You don't have to start scrubbing bathrooms at 7am, do you?! As long as P1 has his lie-ins at the weekend or whenever he can, what's the problem?

Because he is happy with the set up.

OP didn’t say he wanted her to work more days. He said he was irritated with her sleeping in.

Please expand then. How does my being a SAHM and the OP not have any relevance to whether my DH has a cruisy day or not?

Nah, I’m the early riser in my relationship (0530 most days) and my DH usually sleeps in until 0930. I’ll occasionally make a semi-grumbling dig if I’ve been waiting for him to get up so I can strip the bed or something but I don’t care 99.9% of the time. We just have different body clocks. He has zero motivation in the morning, I only have motivation then.

I really wouldn’t worry about the digs, @bendmeoverbackwards, it’s likely nothing.

It can be really frustrating if you feel like your partner just works less across the piece than you. Picking up laundry/cooking/house admin is way less work than what your partner has to do for 3 extra days working full hours outside the home.

Its shit living with someone who just seems to think its ok for you to work like a dog and them to enjoy far more sleep and leisure time. It makes you feel really unvalued as a person that your partner feels entitled to that sleep and leisure even while thinking its fine that you don't get it.

My husband gets up at 6.30 I get up when ever the kids do which could be 5.30 on a bad day but usually more like 7-8am. Weekends we take turns to lie in.

I also struggle to sleep due to insomnia so sometimes I come downstairs while everyone else sleeps.

It would be WILDLY controlling to demand your partner gets up for no other reason than you are and if your not asleep they mustn't be allowed.

If P2 isn’t working full time (and P1 is fine with that) and does all the housework etc, I really don’t see why it matters to P1 what time they get up. It’s none of P1’s business what P2 does while they’re at work, assuming P2 is getting stuff done that they need to do.

Mumsnet is a bit funny about late sleepers, I find. It’s like getting up late is considered a moral failing and ‘wasting the day’ while going to bed early somehow isn’t considered ‘wasting the evening’.

But his issue isn’t that she doesn’t work full time.

His issue is that she doesn’t get up early on the days she’s not working.

Why is it “lazy” to choose to get up at a different time to you? Time of day is an inherently non-judgmental concept. People have somehow assigned moral judgements to other people’s natural circadian rhythms which is frankly bizarre. Why do some people think Larks are somehow morally superior to Night Owls?!?

Who said he’s happy? He’s clearly irritated.

It’s a household that consists entirely of adults.

Why would the OP need to see her adult children off to work?! Adults can be ‘ready for their day’ individually, whenever each one wants or needs to be. The OP being in bed until 10am has no impact on her kids’ lives. It’s not like they’re all sitting there watching cartoons waiting for her to take them to the park ffs.

I think if p1 is happy with p2 working 2 days then they shouldn't complain about them sleeping in.
I think a conversation needs to be had about if they are still happy. As you get older work often becomes less exciting and more tiring. I went back to work full time even though we were fine financially off one wage, as I wanted to give my husband the option to retire earlier, rather than him continuing to work full time for more years, because I wasn't contributing as much as I could financially.

It would bother me. Not entirely sure why - maybe because it feels a bit slovenly to sleep in that late during the week.

I probably would be irked if I were P1.

I usually find that late risers manage to miss tasks getting done in the morning, and rarely make up for it doing other tasks in the evening when others are sitting down to relax.

Or make a big drama of doing anything a that time to extent others CANT sit and relax...

So true, not busy when you're busy and relaxing when you're relaxing. No catching up but blaming kids.
Yes, being a mother is hard work, but full time mothers get to do both, so it's not like it takes every second of each day running around everyone.

Well if that’s how the DH feels, he needs to put his big boy pants on and say exactly that, doesn’t he? Rather than griping about her sleeping in on her non-working days which is a non-issue.

it’s not a non issue.