Would it bother you if your partner got up later than you?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Partner 1 has a full time professional job and gets up at 6.30am every weekday.

Partner 2 was a SAHM to 3 dc and now works part time (2 days/week).

P2 loves sleep and sometimes doesn’t get up till 10am on non working days. P2 does all the cooking, laundry and house admin.

If you were P1, would P2’s late getting up bother you?

I do thanks. Doesn’t affect me - maybe it doesn’t affect OP?

Just to add if we have days planned i dont sleep in i get up and get ready then when required

Yes of course. This morning I had an early work appointment so was up at 7am. I just don’t get up early if I don’t need to.

DH is still asleep now and I am up as usual at 6.30. We both WFH these days
Does not bother me. Our DC are adults living at home too.

Women need more sleep than men. Like several hours more. Partner 1 can suck it.

Also he'd better not be prodding you with his stiff tool late at night AND be bitching about you being tired.

They do?

Have to say it's very unfair that after years of getting up with the kids- I was an SAHM- my sleep is now so poor in menopause that I can't lie in bed after 6.30 am. Dreamt of lie ins but I am now incapable.

I sometimes sneak in a cheeky afternoon nap. DH does not care.

Yes, AS LONG AS SOMEONE ELSE EARNS THE DAMN CASH 😅

And? Does it matter who provides the cash if someone else contributes in other ways?

It’s to do with the fact that irritation like this always comes from a place of simmering resentment.

What household stuff? Household stuff does not take up much time at all when the kids are grown up.

I really don't see why, if you have no reason to get up early (eg no young children to get ready for school) it matters. It doesn't matter when you get things done, only that you get them done.

So what if someone who doesn't need to be up at 6 stays in bed till 10 then gets everything done they need to get done that day? Surely what matters is that at the end of the day everything's been taken care of?

Tosh, she isn’t retired. Apart from the two days per week outside the home she is doing all the household work and catering for four other adults. That is work. In this case she is also the primary support for a child with ASD. All that enables the WOHP to focus on work without having to worry about home or child related tasks and appointments.

If I want someone to do my cooking, cleaning, laundry, look after my children etc I have to pay them as its a job and nobody is coming to do it for free. The alternative is doing it all myself after the day’s work which means more work and less free time/sleep for me. Where one parent acts as a SAHP the entire family has an easier life.

The fact that the OP doesn’t receive a wage for housework doesn’t mean it isn’t work.

Cooking, shopping, cleaning, laundry plus any household admin for four adults (including one with SEN) isn’t work?

Please come and do mine - it isn’t real work so it won’t take you any time at all and I won’t need to pay you for it.

Oh come off it. The other employed adults should absolutely be contributing. Full time taking care of grown adults. Utter nonsense.

No , p1 getting up at 6am for a full time job , why would p2 need to get up at the same time. P2 can get up whenever they wish in a non working day , they are doing all the cooking and housework

Why does everyone have to work FT and then come home and do chores so everyone is just tired and worn down?

If their finances allow (and OP says they do) why not divide and conquer - one person works and doesn’t lift a finger at home, the other works reduced hours and makes up the rest with household chores. You have two happier people with more downtime each.

It wouldn’t bother me at all. As long as you both pull your weight, what does it matter. I don’t begrudge my partner extra sleep when he can get it.

It does if the cash provider gets fed up with funding a lazy freeloader.

Why does one person have to take financial responsibility for the entire household forever?

And once again. Cash is not the only thing that someone can bring to a relationship. How sad would life be if everything was always only about money.

Another thread running where he's left the family hime and accused her of being lazy/unmotivated.
That is despite him encouraging her to be a sahm.

So it's really about being in sync OP, if there's any resentment, then it won't work long term.

I live alone - in that scenario if I was partner 1 I'd be grateful for having the house to myself while I got up and ready to go out. But I'm very much an owl and don't do early mornings unless necessary.

OP, you've said you do the lion's share, which is fair enough. Does he get to have similar to your lie-ins?

So parenting just ends when you no longer have to spoon feed them? Don't be daft.

Get a life, i worked nights for ten years, hubby worked days, we were never in bed together/ ships in the night, be grateful he,s there