Would it bother you if your partner got up later than you?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Partner 1 has a full time professional job and gets up at 6.30am every weekday.

Partner 2 was a SAHM to 3 dc and now works part time (2 days/week).

P2 loves sleep and sometimes doesn’t get up till 10am on non working days. P2 does all the cooking, laundry and house admin.

If you were P1, would P2’s late getting up bother you?

It would irritate me.

Wouldn't bother me (we have similar at the mo for different reasons), but I'd expect P2 to be understanding that P1 needs to get to bed by 9-10pm and not make a fuss about wanting to be out late on week nights.

This shows how different people are. I'm in a similar situation and it used to really annoy me when DH slept in and left me to do everything when he had a cruisy day.

Yes it probably would annoy me if i’d been the breadwinner for years and my wife hadn’t increased her hours since the kids grew up. There’s no reason you can’t work full time now, everyone can pull their weight with house work. Clearly your DH is irritated by it, regardless what anyone here thinks. He probably assumed you’d up your hours when the DC grew up, fact you haven’t is clearly annoying him. Time to look into getting more hours or a different job and up early like millions to earn a living.

my dh is similar, gets up late, he is retired though
however on my day off it is annoying that he is in this pattern.

can you get up early if needed op?

I agree. Doing ‘the lions share’ still is probably a way to justify working a lot less. You need to help them learn how to run a house by letting them cook, clean, wash clothes. How are they going to cope when they move out?

The getting up late thing would annoy me. It’s an imbalance and would just highlight you can potter on your 5 days out of 7 off compared to your husband.

To be fair, he doesn’t have a cruisy (cushy?) day. It just starts later than mine.

Yes. She works 2 days a week.

That’s because you’re a SAHM. The op isn’t.

In all honesty, I couldn't help but find this lazy (even if the person wasn't lazy in their waking hours) and a complete turn off.

It's a silly judgement, I know, and I'm not saying that anyone is lazy on a rational level.

If it was annoying me, then I would gently point out some time when he was lazing around but I was still working - eg. if he goes and sits down after dinner while you sort out the kitchen.

I don't think it's quite fair to say the SAHM does everything because she's not at work (and that generally involves a lot more hours than work - 24hrs a day of being the one to get stuff done), then the moment the kids don't need her, she's off to the mines. The deal was that she wasn't working to make everyone's lives easier - she put their needs first. It's fair enough that she gets an easier life later having taken on the full on child-rearing for the first 18 years.

Once I'd had kids, it became a problem - he would stay up late and get up late, leaving everything kid-related to me (even though I was also working). TBH, that would have been fine too, if he pulled his weight other places, and gave me a lie-in a week..

I've been partner 2 and now I'm partner 1. The only issue I had as partner 1 was that I get up at 5 for work and my bloke wouldn't come to bed until around 1 or 2 in the morning and the noise he'd make would wake me up and then I couldn't get back to sleep. I silently seethed about it for a while then I told him, and he either sleeps downstairs if he's staying up late or he is very careful to be quiet.
So long as both partners are contributing what they can, and helping each other in ways that they can (for instance partner 1 always getting weekend lie ins if they want so if children are small partner 2 gets them up quietly and takes them downstairs)

Ok. So the laziness is nothing to do with her having a lie in in the morning (which is what her OP was actually about) and simply to do with the fact that she works part time?

It would bother me. And tbh I’d feel a hell of a lot of resentment kicking in.

I think your DH needs to articulate why getting up at 10 is an issue. Lots of people speculating that it’s because he works full time and you don’t but actually we’ve no idea if it’s that at all. He could be lonely. He could just be envious.

Getting up at 10 or any other time is fine if it isn’t detrimental to the household.

The working thing - I note you said you might be offered an extra day soon. What’s this incessant need for everyone to be working full time? If the OP and DH’s finances are okay and they are happy with the set up, why must everyone be worked to the bone. I think I’d be a lot happier working FT and my partner working shorter days if I never had to come home and start cooking, spending my Saturday mornings cleaning the bathroom, never have to change beds etc. I’d have a lot more free time in that scenario.

i agree, @StormyPotatoes
i work four days,
it is my work life balance
and no i am not going to give up my day off

Getting up later, yeh no problem. But 10am, that's bloody lazy.

I’m a SAHM mum to two young children. DH works FT and is usually up around an hour before the children and I get up. Would be weird if he resented it. Why get up just because he does? But if you think he does mind then it’s definitely worth asking him

If he wants op to increase her income then he shouldn't start conversation about it.

But it’s not just an hour, by the sounds of things the majority of the household are up and getting ready for the day and work several hours before op wakes.

Could a compromise not be found, getting up the same time as husband on 1 or 2 more days then lie ins on Fridays to Sundays? Aren’t there appointments, etc that you need to get up early for sometimes?

I’d imagine if OP has an appointment she gets up for it when needed, but why does she need to get up exactly? What is the purpose? For moral support? To stand in the hallway handing everyone their socks in the morning?

Just love the 1950s logic that OP hasn’t had years of genuine work looking after her DC. I work p/t and have young DC and you best believe the childcare is more tiring than my actual (fairly high pressured) job! When my DC are grown up I’m 100% going to be having a lie-in.

No need for p2 to get up at 6:30 (ant probably annoying for p1 to have them under their feet at that time) but 10 is really late and weird unless there are health issues that require excessive sleep. Seems a waste of the day to me!

No

If P2 let's P1 have evenings to themselves or doesn't expect them to help with housework when they get in.

I've been P2 and did all the housework as P1 did all the earning.

Not to say P1 never lifted a finger, but majority fell on me.

Would be an issue if one wasn't happy in the situation though as it can build resentment.