Would it bother you if your partner got up later than you?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Partner 1 has a full time professional job and gets up at 6.30am every weekday.

Partner 2 was a SAHM to 3 dc and now works part time (2 days/week).

P2 loves sleep and sometimes doesn’t get up till 10am on non working days. P2 does all the cooking, laundry and house admin.

If you were P1, would P2’s late getting up bother you?

I used to regularly wake up at midday.

My job in a bakery started at 11pm and finished at 4am, so I’d come home have a cup of tea, watch some TV and go to bed about 6am.

Getting approximately 6 hours sleep a night apparently makes me lazy, even though I’d then do another 4-5 hours work on my own business, but yeah, all you early risers are the only productive members of society because you go to bed at 10pm and wake up at 6.30am.

OP whatever time works for you is fine, if your H is that upset about his early starts he can look at changing his hours or getting another job. Yes the two days a week might want increasing now your DCs are grown up, but if you don’t need the money then just do whatever works for you.

Except lots of people on this thread are saying exactly that.

I like to wake up at 8 on my days off, but I wouldn’t consider 10am much of a lie in. Not everyone is an early bird so a lie in to that time wouldn’t bother me, especially if everything was getting done anyway and it didn’t interfere with us going away for the day.

I’m partner 2 in this scenario although I work full time but senior enough to pick my own hours. I usually rise between 8 and 9, sometimes later. My DH is up and active from 6:30am.

It really, really bothers him that I get up late. Not because he wants a lie in, he is naturally an early bird and gets up early even on Sundays or holidays. It bothers him because he has been conditioned from a very young age to believe that being in bed later than sunrise is the height of laziness.

We bicker about his little digs often but I couldn’t give a shit. I’m a night owl and late riser. That’s just who I am and I’m far too old to change now!

I think if the OP was doing shifts she’d have mentioned that, ditto running a business on the side.

If they OP’s husband could just change his job he might choose to, but if he’s the primarily breadwinner and over 50 then in this economy that might not be an easy move.

Whether or not they need the money is a joint decision.

That’s not the scenario though. She’s only doing 2 days at work, so no reason she’d be playing Cinderella in the evenings

You can contribute more to a relationship than just cash you know 🙄

Actually sometimes I prep food for the next day or hanging up laundry etc. With 5 adults in the house there is a lot of washing plus sheets, towels etc. The dc do help but as they work longer hours than me I do the lion’s share.

It’s not a complete walk in the park now the dc are older. Dd3 has autism and is currently not in education and I bear the emotional load of all that entails. Dd2 is also going through a difficult period and often tearful at night time and wanting to talk. I’m often emotionally drained by it all.

Did she say somewhere how much he earned and how much she did? What makes you think he can never retire, just because his wife is working two days a week rather than five?

Plenty of sahms don't go back to work at all and the husband still manages to retire somehow 🤔

For me it wouldn’t actually be the working, chores, whatever, it would just be that it’s like having a presence in the house quietly looming.

You need to get a proper job and share the workload. Vagina lodger?

In short, yes, it would bother me.

Do you know anything about the looming pension crisis?
So many naive people.

"If you were P1, would P2’s late getting up bother you?"

No.

I am P2 in this scenario. I go to bed late (I'm a night owl), but I get things done that benefit the household once everyone else is asleep. I also get some much needed peace and downtime once everyone else is sleeping.

My DH goes to bed earlier and gets up before me for work. Occasionally my DH makes a jibe about what time I've gotten up, I politely tell him that I've had 7/8 hrs sleep, less than he had, and that I've done XY & Z the previous night whilst he slept. He soon shuts up.

I'm a SAHM, my eldest wakes up at the same time as me, my youngest a bit earlier but she's old enough to be fine until I wake.

It sounds like you do a lot for your entire household, all the cooking and laundry, admin etc. and I think it's a bit cheeky for your DH to take issue with you getting much needed rest.

I think those bleating about you not working full-time need to wind their necks in. You can bet your ass her DH wouldn't pick up his share of the cooking/laundry/admin if she did go back full-time. Plus, it's not as easy to get full time employment after you've been out of work for a long time being a SAHM.

"Vagina lodger" really?

She does the cooking, laundry and admin for the WHOLE household. She has raised the children, sacrificing her own earning potential in doing so. She's still working and contributing to the household, she's absolutely NOT the equivalent of a cocklodger.

‘Proper job’? What makes you think a p/t job isn’t proper? I work in quite a niche field, I retrained at college about 12 years ago once the dc were all in school, then a one day/week job came up in the field and I’ve been there ever since.

My other day is in a completely different job working for a local charity. They may well offer me another day in the next few months.

She works 2 days whilst her husband works full time. He grown up children don’t need her at home. She has essentially retired once her kids grew up…now lives off her husband

If she were a man then we would all be saying he was lazy and needed to get to work

I think if you do all the housework then fair enough to work part time. I actually think your husband gets a good deal and most would be happy with that. I do think if he's leaving while you're still asleep that would start to annoy me too, I'm not sure why but it just would (speaking from past experience). I think it just feels a bit like you're taking the piss.

My husband is always up before me. I was first up for years but a cronical diagnosis have turned things around.
It's not an issue here.

I guess you missed this bit: "It’s not a complete walk in the park now the dc are older. Dd3 has autism and is currently not in education and I bear the emotional load of all that entails. Dd2 is also going through a difficult period and often tearful at night time and wanting to talk. I’m often emotionally drained by it all."

This mother is fully committed to her children, even though they are adults, they clearly still need her. She's there for them. She is very committed to her whole family both physically and emotionally.

We don't even know this family's financial situation, they may not even need her to earn a full-time income. So many people have it ingrained in them that life is all full-time employment. It doesn't have to be for everyone. This woman IS contributing to their household in many ways, just because she is not earning a full-time income does not make her lazy, or unhelpful, or whatever derogatory term people want to attach to her.

This woman clearly puts her family's emotional and physical needs first, which she can do as her husband is providing for them financially. Don't forget here that she is also earning too though. They are working as a team and the husband is being cheeky to forget that when he quips about her sleep.

Not if the man in this scenario was doing all of the household things that this lady is doing, no.

Why doesn’t Partner 1 take it up with Partner 2 if it irritates them so much?
Personally, if I could get up at 10am every day, I would - I’d love to be able to sleep for more than 5 hours straight without waking up.
Or maybe Partner 2 can’t sleep and their hours are twisted around.
Or maybe Partner 2 sleeps till 10 just to irritate Partner 1. That sounds like something I would’ve done to get under my ex’s skin.
Wish I’d thought of it. lol
What possible difference does it make in the scheme of things? Except that Partner 1 is resentful. And what good is that? It just makes Partner 1 old before their time.
My vote is to tell Partner 1, based on this limited information, to lighten up.

Your DH is being a bit petty if this bothers him, I think, providing you’re pulling your weight at other points.

I’m the SAHM in out relationship but I have had to get up before DH for the last 8 years as his work was v. flexible on hours (then lots of WFH since covid) and I’ve had a school run that means I’m up at 7. He’s normally only just awake enough for a cup of tea when I get back around 9:30! I do not feel resentful, and I never make digs about it. Even joking ones. I’m an early bird though. I truly don’t mind getting up early. I love watching the day break.

I would be quite irritated by it.