After school detention is a thing now?

[PennyWhistleSweet]

My 11 yr old yr 7 son has been issued an after school detention for disrespecting a new teacher.

We never had them at my high school and wanted to know what you all thought of them.

Myself, I'm currently at whits end with him calling me a fucking bitch and pushing me etc (another thread for another day) so I'm hoping this might give him a bit of a shock.

My son was given an after school detention, about 20 years ago. I emailed the school and said no. I supported them punishing him, but we lived quite a way from school and there was no public transport he could use to get back. DH and I both working so couldn’t collect him. I asked if he could have school time detention instead, which is what happened.

When his sister got detention 12 years later it was at lunchtime, with all the other detainees. I think they must have changed their policy.

Had to chuckle to myself at this. I get your point but it should be fairly obvious that he probably picked it up at school, that's where children learn about swearing and how to verbally attack people. That's what it was like in the 1980s/1990s anyway, we learnt words like "shit" and "fuck" at primary school, and stronger words at the start of secondary school. By the time we were studying for GCSEs several of the teachers weren't above chucking the odd "cunt" around in the classroom.

Yes they’ve always been a thing havent they? My school made us scrub chewing gum off desks or do litter picking. We’d also have same day whole class detentions in silence for 30mins after school if the teacher felt we were generally unruly. It’s one reason I stopped using the bus, and just walked the hour back to my house every day! kids are just soft these days 😂

At DD’s school minor infractions like forgetting a ruler or a uniform violation are lunchtime detentions because her school has a one hour lunch break to give kids a proper space to relax or do clubs as well as eat.

For behaviour or homework violations, School is required to give 24 hours notice to parents so transport can be reorganised. Parents sign up to this in the school policies. If student then bunks off the detention then it escalates to a HoY detention and that’s serious.

Seems perfectly reasonable to me.

It’s always been a “thing”.

I can't imagine what would have happened at home if we'd have ever called our mum a fucking bitch 😧

I thought it meant 'Oh Do Fuck Off and Die'. Am I wrong?

I was in secondary school in the mid 90s and we had after school detentions then.

Possibly part of the purpose is to inconvenience parents too - so that they are encouraged to also address behaviour that happens in school. There are parents I know who say that if DC have behaved poorly in school then they have no responsibility for that.

However, all that aside, can you try and talk to DS about basis sudden change? Or can his Dad? Could you make van appointment to discuss his overall behaviour (ie at home and school) with pastoral lead or head of year? Ultimately, he's just a kid whose behaviour has suddenly gone right off the rails.

Your teachers used the word cunt in secondary school?

Not a new thing at all.
you need to come down on him like a tonne of bricks. If my dc got an afterschool detention and called me a fucking bitch they’d be no devices or internet. No games console. If he’s bored he can read a book.
You seem to be deflecting his behaviour onto the teacher. Lots of kids who are good at primary are bad at secondary because of hormones and some of the parenting techniques you use with younger kids doesn’t cut it with teens.
Most kids don’t get after school detentions. Those that do either get one and then never again as their parents have obviously done something too or they continue to be regular attendees.

Sudden change in behaviour
Calls mum a fucking bitch at 11 years old
but will accept discipline from dad
Playing up at school
Access to phone

Can you not see what is happening here? I would have that phone off him sooner than you can say “incel” and he wouldn’t be getting it back until he’s 14.

👆and that there is why the world is now a complete shit show.

In the late 70's/early 80's all detentions were after school - individual, class and whole school (for not singing in assembly) for either 30mins or an hour or until we sang the bloody hymns properly! Until I was in 3rd year/year 9 boys were still caned and the girls got the ruler across the knuckles.
When dd was in school in the 00's it was after school on Fridays only for 1 hour.
For dgs it's a mix of after school, lunchtime detentions or isolation.

I for one am happy that the school seem to be setting boundaries here.

All this bleating about parents working etc, unless you live in the middle of the Cairngorms the kid can catch a bus, 3 if necessary or wait until the parents finish on a bench outside school. If they are old enough to get themselves in trouble they can deal with the consequences.

Remember when Kevin the teenager was on. It was so accurate how he changed overnight from a pleasant little boy to a nightmare!

Well apparently he was a “darling” until this new teacher started, so I am assuming he learnt “ fucking bitch” from the new teacher along with the spitting, hitting and kicking, can’t think where else he might have picked it up!

Sorry OP, but you are dealing with two different issues here, the school is rightly pulling him up for his disrespectful behaviour towards the new teacher. He must have been in Secondary school long enough to understand that he will have many different teachers, some of whom he knows and who know him, and others who he doesn’t know. Kicking off at any teacher is not acceptable, he needs to remember this and do the detention.

Your other issue is the way he behaves towards you, you might find that the school can offer you advice and support to help you work out how you can deal with this,or they could have information about other support. I think you need to accept that in this instance, him doing the detention shows that you are willing to engage with the school, and let’s your son know that you and the school are working together to deal with this behaviour.

Its called detention.

The clue's in the name.

The pupil is detained.

Don't be disrespectful to teachers and you won't be detained.

Because you said

He was really well behaved at school till this new teacher started.

He's 11, has access to social media, and is becoming abusive to women. I'd be investigating what content he's accessing on the internet if I were you.

I went to school in the 80’s very strict private school. Detention was at lunch time for day pupils and evening for boarders. I was there 6 years and got one detention.

they would issue black marks, these were handed to the head teacher and she would read them out in assembly on a Monday. 3 black marks in a school term was a detention, 3 detentions in a school year you were added to the report book, 3 report books and you were out the school. If your crime was bad enough you could just get report book or even out.

Detentions have always been a thing, 90's/2000's and not just for 'persistent offenders'. Persistent offenders tended to end up suspended for a period of time. Rules are rules, in school and out of school. We don't live in a lawless society even if it does appear to look that way sometimes. Child listens to Dad, but not you and has been disrespectful to a new teacher - female teacher?

It means Oh Do Fuck Off Dear

You need to be blocking his internet with the swearing at you alone.
And now this.
Teenagers.

Yes, they absolutely were always ‘a thing’. They do weekend detentions at some schools.

He's 11! He isn't looking at porn or incel stuff. He chats with his friends and plays games.

His dad is very verbally strict and sometimesatches our son shoves at me by doing the same to our son which I don't like as I don't believe violence solves violence. Dh has a very short temper so Ds knows that he will react if he's there.