After school detention is a thing now?

[PennyWhistleSweet]

My 11 yr old yr 7 son has been issued an after school detention for disrespecting a new teacher.

We never had them at my high school and wanted to know what you all thought of them.

Myself, I'm currently at whits end with him calling me a fucking bitch and pushing me etc (another thread for another day) so I'm hoping this might give him a bit of a shock.

I really think my post about the teacher was taken out of context. I'm not blaming him/her but simply pointing out he's usually good at school

Is his dad ever violent to him or to you?

There is a campaign calling to ban smartphones for children younger than year 9. Have to say I agree. I’d remove his smart phone and give him a dumb phone if you insist or an airtag if you don’t.

I have parental controls and all he's on are games and YouTube where he watches blokes talking about Fortnite andinecraft.

Cut the wifi? See if that helps with an attitude shift.

His Dad, my dh can be very verbal withe as he looses his temper easily. But never physical.

If he called you that I think he needs to be losing more than a couple of social media accounts. Does he have a phone? Who pays the bill?

I've already blocked.tik took.and snap chat

Could he be acting out to you because he is angry and blames you for not protecting him against an emotionally volatile dad? How do you deal with your DH losing his temper? Personally I think it’s wrong to make kids grow up in a house where one parent regularly flies off the handle at small stuff. It can be as damaging as physical violence.

Possibly yes

I don't want to point out the bleedin obvious but it sounds like he's just following his father's lead. How lovely for you OP, a verbally abusive partner and son.

You are allowing this to happen by not calling out the father's behaviour.

My DD's friend was killed going home from an after school, winter detention. It was early December. She'd also been banned from Christmas events. The school was on a notorious road. At least one pupil was killed every winter. She was 12. Both her and my DD were ND. It has affected my DD for the rest of her life. She had to act out how her friend died, to determine which car killed her. Winter (dark nights) detentions can't be justified. Or in some areas etc.

Dh is not verbally abusive. He has a short temper but doesn't belittle or name call.

My eldest turns 32 this summer, and after school detentions were definitely a thing when he was at secondary school. He even had a half term detention, for failing to do any work in one of the Science subjects for the previous term. The Head of Department had him in for three days, so he could copy up the work.

The HoD gave me the choice of after school detentions or coming in during half term, and I chose half term - I thought it sent a message to ds1.

I don't understand how you can not know the sex of the teacher OP. Surely you've had a conversation about what he actually did?

Can you speak to your partner about his behavior towards your son so you are both parenting the same way? The little boy must be confused and frightened by his Dad.

Combined with the ADHD, that's going to cause anger issues in your Son. He's copying your DH. This should have stopped years ago.
I agree with you, that if this causes your DH to double down hard, the detention has been counter productive. You really need to look at what is happening at home and be honest with the school. If his Dad's behaviour is ok, neither of you should mind sharing it.

I’ll take ‘things that never happened’ for £100.

🙄

@Nomoreidea I was Informed about today's detention in advance and I can't remember. It was pe and his previous teacher was a man. I'll ask

That’s a horrific thing to happen, and I’m sorry to hear it, but one child per year killed (from the same school!) I find a little hard to believe.
The parents, staff and the whole community would be up in arms if that were the case. People would refuse to send their kids to school.

Why on earth was your 11 year old ("He's 11 FFS") on Snapchat or TikTok to start with?

He doesn't need a smartphone. He absolutely shouldn't be allowed on social media at the age of 11.

Yes a thing but they must tell parents, special arrangements for youngsters who use school transport or need to collect siblings.

you definitely need to work with the school and get help externally if needed so this doesn’t escalate further

Um at least one student from the same school died every year? Wtf. Where was this school because I find this very hard to believe.

I've shared everything with the school as I chose to involve safeguarding when they offered.

I'm navigating the whole phone thing for the first time. He's only had it for about 7month. Mistakes were made and I'm learning.