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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been rude to shop assistant

471 replies

Mumoftwo52 · 28/04/2025 19:10

Family doing some shopping today. Go into an independent toy shop. I’m holding DD1 (18m) so she doesn’t pull everything off shelves, 4yo DD runs ahead and picks up a unicorn Jellycat and cuddles it saying ‘can I get this please mummy?’. Shop assistant shouts across the room ‘can she put that back if you’re not going to buy it as it’s expensive’. Me and DH exchange glances but I tell DD to put it back.

We keep browsing but I say to DH that I don’t really fancy buying anything now, and say quite loudly in front of the second shop assistant (who turns out to be the owner): ‘let’s go and find another toy shop where we’re allowed to touch the toys’. Yes I was being snarky but was annoyed.

She says these toys are expensive, she owns all the stock so if my DD damages it, it costs her money. I say I’d understand that if she had dirty hands, she doesn’t. I wouldn’t let her touch anything if she did. DH says it’s a shame kids aren’t allowed to touch toys in a toy shop, and that she’s lost a potential sale, she says that they've had bad experiences in the past and anyway it was clear we weren’t going to buy anything. I said ‘why do you think that?’ She replied: ‘it just is’. We quickly left.

AIBU for letting my kids touch toys in a toy shop? To be clear, this was a soft toy, not something delicate. My DD was holding it in her arms, nothing more.

OP posts:
SnapAndFartAllDayLong · 29/04/2025 21:03

5MT2 · 29/04/2025 20:27

Re-reading the original OP, the issue is not really OP’s DC picking up the toy. The issue is that OP and her DH chose to take offence and make a scene at being asked to tell DC to put the toy down if they weren’t going to buy it.

OP says that she might have bought it if they hadn’t been spoken to the way they were, but that’s clearly not correct as the shop assistant asked for the toy to be put down ‘if they weren’t going to buy it’ and she asked her DC to put the toy down. If they were planning to buy the toy, she could have told the shop assistant, ‘thank you, we are planning to buy the toy’ instead of asking DC to put the toy down.

OP sounds over sensitive and argumentative, both from the original post and her responses on this thread. Calling everyone who disagrees with you insane does not sound like the behaviour of a rational person, in fact, it is a tad immature. You can’t always be right, and not every situation is about right or wrong, sometimes there are differences of opinion. But sometimes establishments have rules that you can choose to follow or choose not to patronise if you don’t agree with the rules without causing a fight.

This!!!

Poorandbrilliant · 29/04/2025 21:05

Mistyglade · 28/04/2025 19:27

She was really rude I think and if her precious stock isn’t to be touched she should put them out of reach of kids or behind a screen or have a few tester type ones for touching like cosmetics .

It was a shop not a playgroup
Don't be so entitled, and your children won't follow suit

AmethystRuby · 29/04/2025 21:23

Horticula · 29/04/2025 20:44

Your child should not be picking up then discarding toys, she should be looking with her eyes( I assume she isn't blind) in order to see which one she wants.

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LOL

Mistyglade · 29/04/2025 21:31

Poorandbrilliant · 29/04/2025 21:05

It was a shop not a playgroup
Don't be so entitled, and your children won't follow suit

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Er, it wasn’t my kid!

Orangeoranges42 · 29/04/2025 22:17

sounds like if your older child had touched and broken something you’d have been responsible and admitted it but sadly a lot of parents arnt like that. Unfortunately these are the ones that probably regularly cost the business owner regularly.

i think perhaps it comes down to that jellycats and so many toys are so bloody expensive ruining the fun all around.

I think you probably were being unreasonable but I know I’d have done the same!

Holeypyjamas · 29/04/2025 22:51

AmethystRuby · 29/04/2025 21:23

LOL

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LOL indeed 🤣🤣🤣 my child also sometimes picks up a toy the changes their mind, it’s completely normal. I did it myself as a kid.

I might start a thread about how I give avocados a good fingering before I buy one to make sure they’re not too ripe. That should really cause a stir 🤣🤣🤣

HamptonPlace · 29/04/2025 22:53

whippy1981 · 29/04/2025 14:13

Nope looking at the melon you can tell. The colour of it tells you if it is ripe or not (think green, yellow or brown bananas) the shape of it tells you, the ends of the fruit tells you - looking at the shape, colour etc. The discolouration on the skin tells you.

Basically if you know how to buy a ripe banana then the same applies with other fruit.

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I appreciate your confidence in me :)

Lighteningstrikes · 29/04/2025 23:01

I think it’s not what the shop keeper said, BUT it’s the tactless way she said it.

It would have pissed me off too.

Braygirlnow · 29/04/2025 23:10

Mumoftwo52 · 28/04/2025 19:54

Adults don’t have germs? Adults don’t scratch their bums? Adults always wash their hands after going to the toilet? Adults don’t wear loads of makeup that rubs against t-shirts and dresses they try on? Have dandruff that flakes off onto tops? Adults can be gross too.

Having a shop means accepting things get damaged, and you factor that into your expenses.

Like others have said, if an item is too precious, keep it out of reach of curious hands, or maybe don’t own a toy shop if you don’t want kids in your establishment.

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Why are you here asking aibu if you don't want to be given the answer?

Rklap · 29/04/2025 23:40

Mumoftwo52 · 28/04/2025 19:30

One child is 18 months old. The other is 4. There’s a difference in how they act in public. Why is picking up a soft toy and cuddling it so awful?! If she was swinging it around and dragging it across the floor then I’d of course understand the reaction and apologise. She wasn’t, hence my annoyance.

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For all the owner knew, the 4yo could have been eating and have food residue on her hands. Jellycats are expensive so I don't think I would have allowed the 4yo to touch it. How many kids do you suppose wander in and feel entitled to touch those things? It must really piss the owner off as the majority of 4yo kids aren't going to have clean hands/clothing - there's going to be food/general shite about.

That said, the shop assistant was probably a bit narky with the command to put it back and that made you not want to buy anything. So everyone loses.

A toy shop near me went out of business about 15 years ago - the owner was exceptionally rude. My DS was holding something that belonged to us - not shop stock - and the owner was very rude, saying we should not have brought it inside (it was a toy). We hadn't touched anything in the shop and were just looking. Never went back. She was obviously rude to a lot of people as that shop closed down.

Diblin93 · 30/04/2025 00:36

I think you were very rude. You sound entitled and you’re bringing your children up to be entitled.

Gustavo77 · 30/04/2025 00:42

Arlanymor · 28/04/2025 19:21

Quite and the fact that you held your other daughter so that she ‘didn’t pull everything off the shelves’. Do your kids not know how to behave in public?

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This 👆

Miaminmoo · 30/04/2025 01:16

Sorry but as a child I was never allowed to touch anything at all in a shop. My DC were also not allowed unless it was a specific set up in a toy shop that they were allowed to touch. The staff could have been nicer but if it was a small independent shop then I’m sure they were concious of items remaining in pristine condition.

mrssprout · 30/04/2025 02:50

I managed a bookshop for many years. If I had a dollar for everything that ended up damaged when a child "was being gentle" & "won't hurt it" I would be a very rich woman. Unfortunately it is necessary to make blanket bans on children touching because some (not all) parents don't watch & don't care. Although I will say from what you have written she handled it quite rudely

Itwasacceptableinthe80zz · 30/04/2025 03:10

I wouldn’t shop there either. Awful attitude to a customer.

Jumpers4goalposts · 30/04/2025 06:18

I haven’t voted as I actually think this depends on whether you had any intention of buying the jellycat or not?

if you went in the toy shop with the intention of buying something like the jellycat and your DC was picking it up saying this is the one I want type thing then YANBU.

if you went into the toy shop and you had no intention of buying something like a jellycat then you DC should have been told before you went into the shop not to touch as you weren’t buying.

ScrubbedCauliflower · 30/04/2025 07:34

Arlanymor · 28/04/2025 20:02

I’m not triggered by talk of children, you told me I am not allowed an opinion because I don’t have any children. (And can’t). You are showing yourself up as a really nasty piece of work.

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Perhaps the shop staff picked up on this same attitude from the OP the moment they all entered the shop, may account in part for the response. We only have one side of the story here and these things are rarely black and white, I’m starting to have more and more sympathy for the shop owner

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 30/04/2025 07:46

It's pretty standard for Jellycat to be protected from hands - I've seen signs in many shops saying please do not touch unless you intend to buy.

Plus, I have children and I have always stopped them handling toys or other products in shops unless I know we intend to buy, as I recognise having fingerprints all over something might be a put off.

Yes, it's unreasonable to expect a 4 year old to not touch a toy. For this reason, it's also unreasonable to not properly supervise a child that age in a toy shop.

I was in a gift shop recently where a gang of Boden-clad kids were racing around a stand and their feet caught the edge of bags displayed on the floor, between that and another stand, every time they went round. Their parents said nothing and it fucked me off so much.

Tell me your kids are entitled without telling me?

Didimum · 30/04/2025 07:50

Mummy2mybear · 28/04/2025 19:28

She's 4 years old I'm with you OP if the shop assistant was so concerned about it why not put the expensive items out of reach its to be expected at that age I wouldn't expect a 4 year old toddler not to touch a toy.

A 4yr old is not a toddler.

OP, she could have been more polite (going by your description), but the passive aggressive snark is never a good look.

chaosmaker · 30/04/2025 08:16

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 30/04/2025 07:46

It's pretty standard for Jellycat to be protected from hands - I've seen signs in many shops saying please do not touch unless you intend to buy.

Plus, I have children and I have always stopped them handling toys or other products in shops unless I know we intend to buy, as I recognise having fingerprints all over something might be a put off.

Yes, it's unreasonable to expect a 4 year old to not touch a toy. For this reason, it's also unreasonable to not properly supervise a child that age in a toy shop.

I was in a gift shop recently where a gang of Boden-clad kids were racing around a stand and their feet caught the edge of bags displayed on the floor, between that and another stand, every time they went round. Their parents said nothing and it fucked me off so much.

Tell me your kids are entitled without telling me?

I'd have gone and stood in the way if it annoyed me or just told them to stop it :)

Cherryicecreamx · 30/04/2025 09:51

How do you know you want something without picking it up? I always like to feel what something is like before buying it. Or does that mean everything we pick up we have to buy now?
Honestly sounds like this lady is too anal to run a toy shop 🤣

CurlewKate · 30/04/2025 10:17

Whatever the rights and wrongs, and I think you shouldn’t have let him pick up an incredibly expensive easily marked toy, there was no need for you to be rude.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 30/04/2025 19:52

Braygirlnow · 29/04/2025 23:10

Why are you here asking aibu if you don't want to be given the answer?

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Entitlement, soon to be passed down to her kids.

I find this kind of customer will argue no matter what.

If OP was going to buy it, why not do so and show the shopkeeper how wrong she was, that would be a better lesson.

Saying you were going to buy it but not doing so, proves the shopkeeper right, OP never intended to buy it, just pottering with a bored 4 year old and trying to use the shop as entertainment.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 30/04/2025 19:52

Braygirlnow · 29/04/2025 23:10

Why are you here asking aibu if you don't want to be given the answer?

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Entitlement, soon to be passed down to her kids.

I find this kind of customer will argue no matter what.

If OP was going to buy it, why not do so and show the shopkeeper how wrong she was, that would be a better lesson.

Saying you were going to buy it but not doing so, proves the shopkeeper right, OP never intended to buy it, just pottering with a bored 4 year old and trying to use the shop as entertainment.

Amiable · 01/05/2025 00:06

Look don’t touch should be the rule in ANY shop!