To have been rude to shop assistant

[Mumoftwo52]

Family doing some shopping today. Go into an independent toy shop. I’m holding DD1 (18m) so she doesn’t pull everything off shelves, 4yo DD runs ahead and picks up a unicorn Jellycat and cuddles it saying ‘can I get this please mummy?’. Shop assistant shouts across the room ‘can she put that back if you’re not going to buy it as it’s expensive’. Me and DH exchange glances but I tell DD to put it back.

We keep browsing but I say to DH that I don’t really fancy buying anything now, and say quite loudly in front of the second shop assistant (who turns out to be the owner): ‘let’s go and find another toy shop where we’re allowed to touch the toys’. Yes I was being snarky but was annoyed.

She says these toys are expensive, she owns all the stock so if my DD damages it, it costs her money. I say I’d understand that if she had dirty hands, she doesn’t. I wouldn’t let her touch anything if she did. DH says it’s a shame kids aren’t allowed to touch toys in a toy shop, and that she’s lost a potential sale, she says that they've had bad experiences in the past and anyway it was clear we weren’t going to buy anything. I said ‘why do you think that?’ She replied: ‘it just is’. We quickly left.

AIBU for letting my kids touch toys in a toy shop? To be clear, this was a soft toy, not something delicate. My DD was holding it in her arms, nothing more.

An 18 month old should be under strict control in a shop as should a 4 year old. It's not bizarre, it's being a good parent.
You presumably belong to the lazy entitled parent brigade like the OP, who think their children should be allowed to go wherever and do whatever they like.

The 18 month old wasn't the one touching! The 4 year old was.

Jellycats are expensive. If one gets soiled by grubby little hands, or dropped on a dirty floor and gets a mark, no-one will buy it and the shop will lose money.
You teach your children not to touch things in shops. It’s not hard. They can look with their eyes. It’s not a sensory room where everything needs to be ‘experienced’.

The 18 month old was under strict control and the four year old simply picked up a toy.

What is bizarre is the the way threads work these days with everyone piling on and taking up weird stances like children in toyshops should never touch an item or walk alone. I don't believe for a second that your child has never picked up an item in a shop for children. That's not lazy parenting?!

I am not angry? I am just always amazed by the sense of entitlement and lack of respect from lazy parents.

On which planet are shops designed for kids "to enjoy themselves"?

If nothing else, my kids don't want to buy toys that your snotty darlings have played with or cuddled. If I want second-hand items, I get them on Vinted.

Some shops put play-display to try to distract the kids from other items, but why can't parents be bothered to teach basic manners.

You not sure how AIBU works? OP asks for you to agree or disagree. People either agree or disagree.

The 'pile on' you are on about is that on this thread it seems more people disagree with the OP than agree. OP asked for opinions. OP got opinions.

Absolutely this

Jellycats are expensive, I am not paying full price for a ex-display soft toy!

There just seems to be a real theme recently of threads where the OP says something like "A stranger was about to take a bite of dogshit I politely told them not to" and everyone tells her why she's a rude, entitled bitch. I really do not think it is that strange for a child to pick up a toy in a toyshop. It's not the same as a child swiping everything off the shelves, sucking on a soft toy and then having a tantrum.

Because that would mean effort and many can't be arsed to teach their children things. They didn't realise before they had kids that teaching them basics like manners means repetition and being consistent with rules and working at it. When they realised that they decided to give that part a miss and use excuses instead and blame others as being 'Victorian' or something similar! They want to be the 'cool' 'relaxed' parents who are friends with their kids not parents to their kids.

It’s literally the definition of “normal” behaviour for a pre-school aged child to grab things. There is no one “normal” way to parent. Half the posters are clearly strict, uptight parents whose visits to toy shops with their kids (if they ever go to any) are pretty joyless experiences. The other half know how to have fun with their kids and enjoy the experience of shopping or browsing for toys, which often includes picking them up. Very young children learn through touch - different textures, materials, the way different things feel. It’s important, especially as so much is online these days. OP didn’t say her kid ran rampant through the shop grabbing everything in sight! Such OTT reactions! All she did was pick up a soft, unbreakable toy, give it a cuddle then put it back where she found it. I’d say that is very normal, and respectful browsing. Shopkeeper was rude and unreasonable. Shocked at how many parents on here seem to be stuck in the “children should be seen and not heard” era. This isn’t the 1920s. We acknowledge that our kids are people these days and we don’t force them into behaving like miniature adults, because they’re children and they naturally behave differently. It’s not about letting them “run wild” in a place where it’s not appropriate to, it’s about teaching them child-appropriate behaviour - a balance between allowing them freedom to express their natural instincts and respecting property they don’t own. I let my 4 yo pick up whatever she wants in shops, as long as there’s no chance she could break it, it’s just part of her exploring the world around her. She always insists on carefully putting it back EXACTLY where she found it - even if I stick it back on the shelf above, she’ll retrieve it and put it back in the exact same spot! She’s better than me at it

Have you actually read op’s responses on the thread?
She hasn’t exactly covered herself in glory here.

I think it is more common now as less parents parent. It was less common when parenting was more common.

Thank you for the sanity some of you have brought to this thread. 70% say IABU but frankly 70% of you are bonkers 😅

I am not engaging with the posts from miserable people who think parenting is about ‘look don’t touch, speak when spoken to, children should be seen not heard, walk by my side at all times’. I live in 2025 not 1900. But appreciate those who are sane and agree that touching toys in a toy shop is perfectly normal.

I will continue to be the ‘entitled, lazy’ parent some of you think I am 😆

You may not believe it but no, they never did, and neither does my grandchild( when she's with me and when I've been with her and her parents).
That's because right from being babies I had a rule of not touching anything in any shop, if their hand went out I said "no, don't touch" in a firm voice, I didn't just let them do it or piss around wittering on about how it "may be what they wanted to do but their opinion didn't elide with mine" as I heard a mother say to their child who wanted sweets in my local shop.

This is the calibre of op’s posts.
Is it any wonder she got the responses she did?

That's strange because 30 odd years ago when I was a child I would visit a toyshop with my mother who was very strict when it came to behaviour and manners and I would pick up a toy and say 'please may I have this?' and she would say no not today and I would put it back.

WOW FERAL!

Do you think I just arrived in the world as an adult?

You are wrong to suggest that a toy-shop experience of a child who isn’t allowed to touch is a joyless experience. Infact, you might find it’s quite the opposite.
I still remember the magic of walking around a toy shop when I was a child, looking at the toys and deciding what to put on my Christmas list. They are memories that I hold dearly, despite the fact I didn’t touch any of the toys.

Yeah I do agree with you on that one!

Why did you post in AIBU if you only wanted people who agreed with you?

So your mum didn't teach you manners! Grand! Also didn't teach you to read it seems either!

Well, ironically “parenting” wasn’t even used as a verb till the 1970s so no parents “parented” before that. They just gave their kids an unexplained whipping when they put one foot out of line

You asked and we told you - 70% did. It's a shame you devalue and misinterpret our opinions to suit your narrative. But hey you will reap what you sow.

Believe it or not as you choose but no my children didn't and yes, I heard those exact words from a mother last week in my local shop, my eyes nearly fell out of the back of my head they rolled so much.

Parents parented more then than now. Nope that also wasn't parenting, that is called abuse.

Not sure you know what parenting is if you think that is what it is. Maybe do not have children.