To have been rude to shop assistant

[Mumoftwo52]

Family doing some shopping today. Go into an independent toy shop. I’m holding DD1 (18m) so she doesn’t pull everything off shelves, 4yo DD runs ahead and picks up a unicorn Jellycat and cuddles it saying ‘can I get this please mummy?’. Shop assistant shouts across the room ‘can she put that back if you’re not going to buy it as it’s expensive’. Me and DH exchange glances but I tell DD to put it back.

We keep browsing but I say to DH that I don’t really fancy buying anything now, and say quite loudly in front of the second shop assistant (who turns out to be the owner): ‘let’s go and find another toy shop where we’re allowed to touch the toys’. Yes I was being snarky but was annoyed.

She says these toys are expensive, she owns all the stock so if my DD damages it, it costs her money. I say I’d understand that if she had dirty hands, she doesn’t. I wouldn’t let her touch anything if she did. DH says it’s a shame kids aren’t allowed to touch toys in a toy shop, and that she’s lost a potential sale, she says that they've had bad experiences in the past and anyway it was clear we weren’t going to buy anything. I said ‘why do you think that?’ She replied: ‘it just is’. We quickly left.

AIBU for letting my kids touch toys in a toy shop? To be clear, this was a soft toy, not something delicate. My DD was holding it in her arms, nothing more.

She sounds pretty rude but she only has your word for it (after the event) that your DS had clean hands. She’s probably had mud and snot and god knows what wiped onto soft toys. As you were both there you could both have kept a child in hand.

So 50/50.

I mean, jellycats are really expensive and SO MANY kids are allowed to run round with sticky fingers/touch/break things. I don’t think you were being unreasonable to let her touch them but equally she wasn’t being unreasonable making the comment. Being goady about leaving because of not being able to touch things wasn’t necessary though, IMO.

I was taught ‘you look with your eyes, not with your hands’ when I was small.

I think you and your DH were snooty and rude.

This, if she'd wanted to pull at every toy would you have indulged her?

Quite and the fact that you held your other daughter so that she ‘didn’t pull everything off the shelves’. Do your kids not know how to behave in public?

I think what the shop keeper said was a little snarky but in no way justifies your self-righteous response.

Not touching things you aren't intending to buy has pretty much always been the etiquette when shopping with children, who aren't exactly known for their excellent hand hygiene.

Let's face it they're sticky, snotty little germ magnets, however much I love them and other people don't want to buy toys for their baby, that my kids have mauled.

I was never allowed to do it and my kids aren't allowed to just grab stuff off shelves either. It's bad manners.

I agree with the people who are saying that your children should be taught not to touch things in shops.

This.

you also shouldn’t be letting your child run off unsupervised until they are old enough to understand that.

She was really rude I think and if her precious stock isn’t to be touched she should put them out of reach of kids or behind a screen or have a few tester type ones for touching like cosmetics .

I don’t know, there’s 2 sides to the story, but I work in retail and the general public are exhausting, over the 35 years I’ve been working there is a marked deterioration in the behaviour of children in shops, the boundaries parents in general put on them, it always used to be “look but don’t touch” now it seems there is a significant minority of parents who see shopping with their child as an interactive experience, asking them to choose what they want and then wondering why said child is upset when the parent chooses not to buy it.

 Letting children run free round the shop, touch and pick up things is seen as an absolute right, but stock is a huge business expense and can’t be sold or damaged, small business especially is so difficult so I’m not surprised that your behaviour annoyed her, she probably should have hidden it better from you though.

She's 4 years old I'm with you OP if the shop assistant was so concerned about it why not put the expensive items out of reach its to be expected at that age I wouldn't expect a 4 year old toddler not to touch a toy.

It's a toy shop. Kids are going to touch things. if they have really high value items they should put them up on a higher shelf.

She should probably expect this working in a toy shop! Bit of a dick attitude.

She could have said "oh hes really beautiful isn't he, but can we just leave him there so he doesn't get too spoilt with cuddles!" Then turned to you and said "oh im so sorry, they are a bit of a tease, but the jellycats are just so expensive 😬🙈🤷‍♀️"

That would have been enough for me to apologise and bring DD back to me to look around with no hard feelings.

Can you imagine what state the jellycat toy would be in if every child touched it. Your child of four should understand an instruction not to touch and you should have told her. I’m afraid you were in the wrong.

One child is 18 months old. The other is 4. There’s a difference in how they act in public. Why is picking up a soft toy and cuddling it so awful?! If she was swinging it around and dragging it across the floor then I’d of course understand the reaction and apologise. She wasn’t, hence my annoyance.

I think you were being unreasonable.

Under five’s are renowned for being mucky. If she picks it up and gets chocolate/jam/dirt/snot on it, how is shop supposed to sell it? It’s not as though they could run it through the machine on a hot wash and then whack it back on the shelf.

And I don’t think it really matters that it wasn’t something that could be broken. The point is, you let her pick things off the shelf. What if it had been a snow globe and she’d dropped it?

let’s go and find another toy shop where we’re allowed to touch the toys I’m pretty sure that shop owners are fine with adults touching the toys, and always have been. It’s children touching them that they aren’t so keen on. It’s a toy shop, not a toy library.

She didn’t know we weren’t going to buy it as she told us to put it down within about 30 seconds of DD picking it up. Incidentally I went in exactly to buy a Jellycat so her flippant attitude to us as customers was a bad business decision for her.

She should put her stock up high

People are being unfair. My child is well raised and well behaved but he will still impulsively pick up toys in a TOY SHOP.
I do tell him not to touch things when I need to and also when he’s dirty or snotty.

Agree with some posters that a solution would be jelly cats are on a higher shelf.

No one bats an eyelid in Smyths Toy store or B&M do they 🤣🤣🤣

So you haven’t taught your kids ‘look but don’t touch’ then? It is the standard. Of well behaved people.

Children shouldn't just be allowed to run and grab whatever they like. YABU.

You need to go back in, Pretty Woman style, with bulging toy shop bags. “You own this shop right? Big mistake. Huge!!”

How dare she say that it was obvious you weren’t going to buy anything!! How rude!!

This was 50/50. There are some shops where customers handle the merchandise (book shops, clothes shops). I would count toy shops in these. I also think that it would make sense to put very high value toys where children can't reach them and that if she didn't wait five seconds until you'd told your child to put it back, then she jumped the gun.

But I think you were unnecessarily rude and confrontational. And if you and DH didn't tell your DD quickly, even if kindly, to put the toy back when she grabbed it, then that was also unreasonable.

Yes exactly. If you own a toy shop you are going to have to expect some children are going to want to touch things.

Do adults not try on clothes before they buy and often get make-up/perfume on them?

People are so anti kids these days I really hate it.