Uncomfortable comment from a work colleague I don’t know

[JenJen94]

I’m a bit unsure how to feel after a comment made to me this morning - whether it’s right I’m creeped out or if I’m over-reacting.

Without being too outing, I work at the head office for a big national company so several thousand employees on site across the week and obviously I don’t know everyone.

I usually park in the same spot every morning (in office 3 days a week) and quite often a man is parked a few spots along who will start at a similar time to me. I don’t know him, never see him in the office or know what department he’s in etc.

Today, he was parked up before me but I saw he was sat in his car when I arrived. I got my stuff out and began to walk to the office. I heard him get out of his car about 15/20 seconds after I walked past.

I got stuck behind someone at the entrance to the office and he had caught up by that point. He said to me ‘got your legs out today then’ as I was wearing a skirt given the hot weather.

I smiled/sheepishly laughed and walked on into the office.

Is this creepy given I don’t know this person or is it just me?

Why do you think so many men are so confused by this?

It's very easy really.

Know someone well, friendly, know their humour, personality etc - you should know what's fine and what isn't.

A total stranger - probably best not to say something like "got your legs/cleavage/knob outline in your skinny jeans out today then?"

Or any other "factual observation" that's a bit weird and over familiar.

Not strangers then? 👍

And this is where the conversation goes pear-shaped.

A knob is not out in the open getting some sun. Genitalia are not legs. Keep the conversation debatable and within the realm of adult conversation please.

And all of us, at some point, have offended or embarrassed a "friend". It is inevitable. So why don't we offer the same consideration of forgiveness to strangers? Because of familiarity? Sounds more like a control mechanism than something a rationally minded mature adult would do.

But there's the problem

You've aligned noticing someone's wearing something which shows their legs with someone showing off cleavage or their dick

Some would class noticing legs as noticing something as sexual as boobs and dick
Others would not class legs as being in the same camp sexual wise

It feels like the adult conversation ship sailed when posters started suggesting it was merely a factual observation (as in the knob example), and others appear to be so confused over why a man saying this to a woman who is a complete stranger to her is off.

"Control mechanism" is very interesting language to use.

I agreed that it's off when I said that I wouldn't say that myself. But the woman feeling it was off didn't mean that the man did something wrong. This isn't systemic patriarchal misogyny, which is a very obvious underlying theme in many of these responses. It isn't another example of a woman becoming a helpless victim to male overreach.

Let's be straight about this. This is a person saying something that might not sit right with the other person. I've had women tell me things that I didn't like or was offended by. But, friend or not, they didn't know I didn't like that; so I told them.

To you, this could be a grey area, to others it might not be. This is a perfect example when better heads must prevail. Be the adult, speak up or move on.

I’m not sure why more people don’t find this creepy. I would have replied “what a strange comment to make” and that should nip it in the bud.

Or, be an adult, and try to control the impulse to comment on a females legs who is a complete stranger as she might not like it. There's no need to announce to the female she has her legs out. She'll know this.

Although, I am tempted to say "got your gut out then?" to the next topless man who is a total stranger to me I see. Seems a great way to strike up conversation instead of just commenting on the weather.

And, just checking, im assuming "got your bald head out today" is cool?

There's a bloke I see in my local coop who sometimes wears a toupee, sometimes not

I'd like to factually comment on it and let him know that I have noticed, and also just try to make a bit of chit chat.

Well "sun's out, guns out" is a phrase

I'd hazard that if you said it to a man they aren't going to have this reaction of "help I'm being sexually harassed"
They'll either:

1. think you're a bit of a weirdo
2. Take it as a chat up line and hit on you
3. Start talking about their gym routine

If it's 2 and that's also what the man here meant to OP then it shows how people react to attempted chat up lines differently

But also make sure its not a complete stranger but someone you incidentally know else it's not a direct comparison

Edited: I misread Guts as Guns

Saying "you've got your guts out" would just be a strange thing to say anything as guts are generally considered internal

I said something similar to someone I vaguely know. It wasn’t meant in a rude way it’s quite nice to get some sun/ air on legs that have been encased in layers for months.

We were joking about it in the park too, lots of waxing/ shaving/ epilating going on as turned into a yeti over winter.

It does sound possibly inappropriate though. It sort of depends on tone. Personally I’d probably leave it for the moment and then if it happens again I’d consider a complaint but as a one off probably not.

Oh it'll be a guy I've seen around. Just like the op. Probably the Dad on the corner, never spoke to him in my life but we'd recognise each other. Very unlikely he goes to the gym.

More unlikely he'd take it as a chat up line given I'll be using "gut" (not guts - id be calling an ambulance if i saw his guts) instead of "abs".

Wonder what the response would be if he posted somewhere that he felt a bit peeved a woman hes seen around commented on his stomach as she walked past?

I'm sure it will be "what's the issue, she was just being factual and friendly, cant a woman comment on a man's large stomach?"

But the man isn't a friend. She has no idea who he is beyond he works at the same workplace. She doesn't know his name, position or where. The level of familiarity is non existent.

Poor guy, all he wanted to do was comment on a woman who is a complete stranger's legs, what's the bloody world come to

I recieved a notification from this thread ... which I was thinking about the other day

I can confirm, as its been so hot, several men and women at work have been spotted "with their legs out" in shorts and skirts and all have been duly told "oo got your legs out today"

Its one of those small talk things that boomers say to each other for no reason.

Its not usually sexual, or if it is, its borderline.
I don't think you would be able to prove it was flirty

You know when someone doesn't know something, they usually name-call or generalize some segment of society as all of this group or that is guilty.

This isn't a boomer thing, it's just things in appropriate people say. This isn't a guy thing, it isn't a girl thing, it isn't an old person thing. Somebody was in inappropriate but not to the level of perverted or creepy, just dumb.

I've had this said to me many times in my life..its fucking annoying. Makes want to respond by saying "obviously...." like professor snape

Oh bore off with the "old person thing". My husband is 71- he'd never make a remark like that. It's a thicko, misogynistic guy thing.

You quoted the wrong person. I was against the use of the term "boomer".

You're correct. You're incorrect about it not being a guy thing.

I'm incorrect huh? Ever hear a woman make comments of a man's height, weight, baldness, mustache, beard, or any number of physical attributes. Sure, a very small minority of men compliment in what can be considered a creepy way, however, women just act like creeps in other ways. See, it's a human thing. But we digress. The op didnt like the comment. I'd never have said it myself because it's inappropriate. But I'm also not a chad and who knows what the outcome would have been if she fancied the man.

It's not a guy thing

It's a people thing